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    september03's Avatar
    september03 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 4, 2011, 07:51 AM
    Does love exist? Or it is just an illusion created by people not to feel lonely?
    I am wondering is there anything like pure love? I have never experienced something like that at least reciprocated one. Sometimes it just feels like it can exist but not for me. I have tried to open my heart once but the person did not feel the same way, so I had to respect that. I just wish him happiness in this life whatever happens and find someone who will rock his world. But I am struggling with bitter feelings of rejection and trying to stay cool about that. But at the same time I do feel that I am starting to build the walls between me and other people not to experience that I am fool again. At least I was pretty successful in staying far from love till now. But the moment I decided to give it a chance failed too. So now I am just wondering that maybe it is OK to feel that there is nothing called love at least for me :D Anyway my guard is on from now and on and do not want to be trapped again. So if you want to share your thoughts feel free.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Jul 4, 2011, 11:28 AM

    A wise person once said, you kiss a lot of frogs before one turns into your prince/princess.

    The trick is to enjoy it, until one does. But be warned, kiss a frog, and its still a frog, well don't keep kissing the sucker, and expect anything to happen. Try another frog.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #3

    Jul 4, 2011, 11:57 AM

    I think you are expecting to find something that doesn't exist. In this world, there is no such thing as "pure love." The closest is probably the love of a parent for a child. Most of us are flawed humans who bring our own selfishnesses into any relationship.

    In a romantic relationship, no matter how "pure" it appears to be to outsiders, the partners struggle every day with their own faults and failings which impact on each other in all sorts of ways.

    The beauty of a relationship is when two flawed individuals love each other enough to work on their flaws together and find ways around them or even overcome them -- or at least together learn how to deal with them. Expecting to be or find the perfect partner is totally unrealistic, is the desire to live in a fairytale.

    Plus, a perfect partner and "pure love" would be pretty boring.
    september03's Avatar
    september03 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jul 6, 2011, 04:10 PM
    Thanks for your answers. I do not expect someone to be perfect at all, we are all human beings and have our own bugs in our heads. But the reason I asked the question was simple rejection. But now it feels better anyway. I do not live in fairytale and stopped believe in the tales since I was a kid :P
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Jul 6, 2011, 04:21 PM

    Rejection does that to us but to be honest, its usually more about them than YOU. Sucks to hell though even knowing its not your fault.
    southamerica's Avatar
    southamerica Posts: 667, Reputation: 400
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    #6

    Jul 6, 2011, 04:54 PM

    Rejection sucks. It just does.

    But... the good news is the guy was able to let you know that he didn't feel *it* for you. At least he didn't string you along when he knew it wouldn't work out.

    You have *it* and someone out there will see *it* and when they do, they will let you know. Loud and clear.

    Just take it easy and know that you cannot rush this stuff. There's no treasure map to love, and there is no secret. So stop looking for it, just enjoy life and let your path cross with good things.
    september03's Avatar
    september03 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 24, 2011, 01:20 PM
    By the way maybe it is connected with my fear of being in a relationship. When I meet someone who is interested in me only thing I want to do is to run. I do not trust anyone and it is coming from my early childhood. My parents divorced very badly when I was 4 and the result of that stays with me as a fear of being involved with anyone even my own parents. My mom was too hurt to let it go and forgot about me completely. I was trying to prove that I was a good child to deserve her attention but after few trials I just made conclusion that maybe I was born by mistake. At the moment of anger she could say she wished I was never born. And it was period from 6 to 8. Then when mom sent me to study to dad when I was 12 he was always saying that I do remind her so much, my character is completely the same and I might end up being miserable too.
    But I have never been a difficult child, I was studying too hard since it was my only good side of me and something that I could do not to think too much and what I was doing to show my worth. I still love my parents as they are, but never show my emotions. I learned to keep everything in myself but it is so difficult to do so. From time to time I just cannot cope and think to commit suicide but the reason I am still alive that I am afraid of everything including pain :)))
    I seem to be very cold even though people say that I am nice and so on. I just do not believe. I make them exhausted to prove that they love me truly. And by the time I realize that yes it can be true they are gone, haha, proof of my belief :))) I just feel sometimes that I am just an emotional wreck.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Jul 25, 2011, 01:18 PM

    Overcome your fear of rejection and be free to enjoy yourself. You will feel much better, learning to deal with all your feelings, and yourself.

    Then it won't matter if you are rejected because you will move on and just enjoy doing your own thing until you do find someone to share it with.

    We all are afraid of being hurt by others, but truly happy people take risks, because they know themselves well enough, and are very confident they can deal with anything life throws at them, and are not afraid to try to be happy.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    Aug 3, 2011, 05:56 PM

    Hi, I am sorry, but no we do not delete threads ( questions) that do not violate the terms of the web site.
    You have a great question and I hope everyone was fairly polite.

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