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    XdemolitionXloverX's Avatar
    XdemolitionXloverX Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Mar 25, 2007, 01:08 PM
    Does He Really Love Me, Or Am I Getting Played?
    Whew... where to start...
    Well, there is a guy that I have known and been good friends with for about 3 years now, and I have liked him more than a friend for that whole time. Recently he and I were talking alone, and he said he had liked me as well, and he still does. The only thing is, he says he doesn't want a girlfriend at the moment, but he plans on asking me out before summer. While we were hanging out and talking, we somehow got on the subject of what I thought of myself, and I was just honest with him and told him that I didn't think I was very pretty. Then he looked me in the eyes, and said
    "I don't get it. I just can't see how you could see yourself as anything less than beautiful." and of course that made me turn really red. Then, I kind of let my hair fall down in front of my face, and he brushed it out of my eyes and behind my ear. I let it fall in my face again, and he said "Now don't do that..." and I replied
    "Why not?" and he brushed my hair behind my ear again and responded
    "Because your hair covers half of your face when you do that, and then i can only see half of your beauty..." and of course, I went red again. Also, he does this one little thing where he looks at me and studies my face in silence, and then looks me in the eyes for a minuet, and he can tell almost exactly how I'm feeling, or what I'm thinking. He is honestly the only person that literally has the ability to read me like a book. He noticed I was a bit on the downside still, and kept trying to cheer me up. Then he looked me in the eyes again for a bit, and said "After all that I've been doing, trying to cheer you up, you still seem a bit sad. Now why might that be?" and I responded
    "Well, can you read minds?" then he smiled and said
    "Maybe...I think it might have something to do with...this..." and then he kissed me so meaningfully, it was... undescribable... there isn't a word in the world to describe the feeling that went through my body when he did that. I honestly almost collapsed from it, but he held me to him so I wouldn't fall. After that, we continued talking, and I began to notice that he was one of the very few guys that I could totally be myself around, and not feel in the least bit weird. That, too, was an amazing feeling. When we noticed I was about an hour late on leaving than I had originally planned, he said how he really didn't want me to leave, but he understood that I had to. He kissed me again, just as passionately as before, and it seemed to last forever, but nowhere near long enough. Then as I picked up my bag so I could leave, he put his arm around me, pulled me close, and walked me to my car. I have never in my life felt so loved and so special as I did with him. And I feel, and have felt ever since I met him three years ago, connected to him in some way. When we first met, I felt connected to him, and like I never wanted to be away from him, not even for a second. But then, after about two or three months, I had to abruptly move to Florida because of my grandmother becoming ill and I had to help take care of her. During my time spent in Florida, I missed him beyond words. Then after about 6 months, I moved back and I saw him again. We started hanging out just like we used to, and I could still feel that little spark of a connection that we shared. He commented that after I left for Florida, he only dated one person, but it lasted about a week. That one person just happened to be one of my close friends as of now, and when she and I were talking, she even commented on the fact that she has never seen him act so lovingly towards anyone, not even herself when they were dating. Hearing those words made me almost ecstatic. The only thing that seems a bit awkward is the whole him saying he liked me more than a friend, but he doesn't want a girlfriend thing. I somewhat suspected I was possibly getting played after I thought about that for a while. Then I asked his friends, who are also good friends of mine about it, and they said that he wasn't the type of person to lie, or to play someone. After hearing this I felt a little relieved, but still uneasy about it. I don't think he did it to get sex, because everyone knows that I'm far from promiscuous, and besides, he hardly, if ever, talks about sex. I'm just thinking, "Well, what if our friends are wrong? What if I am getting led on for whatever reason there may be? Or what if I am nothing more than a friend with benefits to him?" I'm just so apprehensive about the whole situation, because so many girls get played every day, and I don't want to get hurt. Especially by someone I love and care about so much. I am so confused about the whole situation. I don't know if he was being honest, or trying to use me, or what. Some kind words of advice would be greatly (and I stress this) greatly appreciated.
    kaitou's Avatar
    kaitou Posts: 190, Reputation: 43
    Junior Member

    Mar 25, 2007, 01:46 PM
    Well there's probably some connection there. I wouldn't say that he loves you, or that you love him. You definitely like him, and he might like you.

    There's really no point in trying to figure out what he's really thinking, because no one but himself know what he's thinking. Just go slow if you're going to date him. Only time will tell.

    If you really want to find someone that will love you, you have to be willing to risk the possibility of getting hurt. How can you know if someone would ever love you, if you don't even try because u're scared of getting hurt. There's always is a possibility of being hurt when you get close to someone, but you just have to keep trying.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
    Ultra Member

    Mar 25, 2007, 04:05 PM
    I get the impression that he feels a bit smothered by you. I think he likes you but I also think he feels if he takes it further he isn't going to have much space or freedom. You seem to be way more into him then he is into you. I think he sees that and is thinking that if your like that now what will you be like if he goes out with you, because to him it's only going to get worse. I think that's why he said he'd ask you out in the summer, it was kind of a test to see how you would react between now and then.

    Again, I think he likes you but if you want to make it work you have to let him have some time to himself and maybe he doesn't know how to ask for that without making it sound like he's blowing you off. And to be fair to him, it is kind of hard to say, "I like you but I can't be around you as much as you want." From his perspective it's kind of a no win situation because he does want to be around you but he wants it to go at a slower pace then what your wanting.

    I would back off a bit and let him contact you more, not all the time but more just so he feels like he has some kind of control over the situation and can allow this to develop at his pace. As you state your really into him, so pull back and don't be so into him or at least don't be so available so that he keeps some of his own time and space.
    diya's Avatar
    diya Posts: 303, Reputation: 62
    Full Member

    Mar 25, 2007, 06:06 PM
    Listen... always go by your gut feel... lot of times instints work better in such situations and never ignore it... If you feel you're being used... then sure you are because it's a strong term and every person has the ability to realize what's going on with him/her... so trust your instincts...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Mar 25, 2007, 07:07 PM
    he says he doesn't want a girlfriend at the moment, but he plans on asking me out before summer.
    This statement stood out to me despite all the rest of your post. When you left he had no problems dating a friend of yours, which was on his mind anyway, I believe, so I think paying attention and being slow and cautious would be the way to go, until you get to know the real person. Don't be so blinded by love or romance that you just fall for anything hook line and sinker and don't rely on his friends either to tell you how he is. There is always the risk of being hurt in any relationship, but that doesn't mean be stupid. You can enjoy the dating and have fun getting to know him but obey your gut and keep your eyes open. Go slowly, very slowly.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
    Ultra Member

    Mar 25, 2007, 07:21 PM
    Hmmm, you know after reading Diya and Tal's response's I think more inclined to agree with them then what I initially wrote. As diya says ALWAYS trust your gut because it never lies to you. You may ignore it or lie to it but it never lies to you. And Tal is dead on when he says that you can NOT rely on his or YOUR friends to tell you something. They tell you want they think you want to hear to stay friends, not always the truth. If you proceed, proceed very slowly and with caution. I'd still suggest to pull back and see how his behavior changes or if it stays the same.

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