Whew... where to start...
Well, there is a guy that I have known and been good friends with for about 3 years now, and I have liked him more than a friend for that whole time. Recently he and I were talking alone, and he said he had liked me as well, and he still does. The only thing is, he says he doesn't want a girlfriend at the moment, but he plans on asking me out before summer. While we were hanging out and talking, we somehow got on the subject of what I thought of myself, and I was just honest with him and told him that I didn't think I was very pretty. Then he looked me in the eyes, and said
"I don't get it. I just can't see how you could see yourself as anything less than beautiful." and of course that made me turn really red. Then, I kind of let my hair fall down in front of my face, and he brushed it out of my eyes and behind my ear. I let it fall in my face again, and he said "Now don't do that..." and I replied
"Why not?" and he brushed my hair behind my ear again and responded
"Because your hair covers half of your face when you do that, and then i can only see half of your beauty..." and of course, I went red again. Also, he does this one little thing where he looks at me and studies my face in silence, and then looks me in the eyes for a minuet, and he can tell almost exactly how I'm feeling, or what I'm thinking. He is honestly the only person that literally has the ability to read me like a book. He noticed I was a bit on the downside still, and kept trying to cheer me up. Then he looked me in the eyes again for a bit, and said "After all that I've been doing, trying to cheer you up, you still seem a bit sad. Now why might that be?" and I responded
"Well, can you read minds?" then he smiled and said
"Maybe...I think it might have something to do with...this..." and then he kissed me so meaningfully, it was... undescribable... there isn't a word in the world to describe the feeling that went through my body when he did that. I honestly almost collapsed from it, but he held me to him so I wouldn't fall. After that, we continued talking, and I began to notice that he was one of the very few guys that I could totally be myself around, and not feel in the least bit weird. That, too, was an amazing feeling. When we noticed I was about an hour late on leaving than I had originally planned, he said how he really didn't want me to leave, but he understood that I had to. He kissed me again, just as passionately as before, and it seemed to last forever, but nowhere near long enough. Then as I picked up my bag so I could leave, he put his arm around me, pulled me close, and walked me to my car. I have never in my life felt so loved and so special as I did with him. And I feel, and have felt ever since I met him three years ago, connected to him in some way. When we first met, I felt connected to him, and like I never wanted to be away from him, not even for a second. But then, after about two or three months, I had to abruptly move to Florida because of my grandmother becoming ill and I had to help take care of her. During my time spent in Florida, I missed him beyond words. Then after about 6 months, I moved back and I saw him again. We started hanging out just like we used to, and I could still feel that little spark of a connection that we shared. He commented that after I left for Florida, he only dated one person, but it lasted about a week. That one person just happened to be one of my close friends as of now, and when she and I were talking, she even commented on the fact that she has never seen him act so lovingly towards anyone, not even herself when they were dating. Hearing those words made me almost ecstatic. The only thing that seems a bit awkward is the whole him saying he liked me more than a friend, but he doesn't want a girlfriend thing. I somewhat suspected I was possibly getting played after I thought about that for a while. Then I asked his friends, who are also good friends of mine about it, and they said that he wasn't the type of person to lie, or to play someone. After hearing this I felt a little relieved, but still uneasy about it. I don't think he did it to get sex, because everyone knows that I'm far from promiscuous, and besides, he hardly, if ever, talks about sex. I'm just thinking, "Well, what if our friends are wrong? What if I am getting led on for whatever reason there may be? Or what if I am nothing more than a friend with benefits to him?" I'm just so apprehensive about the whole situation, because so many girls get played every day, and I don't want to get hurt. Especially by someone I love and care about so much. I am so confused about the whole situation. I don't know if he was being honest, or trying to use me, or what. Some kind words of advice would be greatly (and I stress this) greatly appreciated.