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    drPrimetime's Avatar
    drPrimetime Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 1, 2008, 01:25 PM
    Does a family background play a role? And ex an issue?
    I've been seeing this girl for 5 months and she seems great as a person although I have to admit that she was interested in me and we clicked instantly. Know that we're seeing each other, I've got to learn about her more. She's 23 and I'm 25 with a commendable career and she's in school. Her ex contacted me randomly and told me that she was twotiming me with him. She denied it and told me everything about her relationship and that she ended it because of her getting into fights and that he cheated on her while they in the first 4 months of they're relationship that dragged on for 3 yrs. Then everything seemed cool as I was contacting her everyday and she didn't mind. I did rape her Facebook wall meaning leaving an abundance of messages on her wall. Still do. The sex is good and becoming as she seems to be really faund of our connection. She told me a few things about her that is concerning to me but I don't know if it will be a problem. She told me that her father is a step father because her original father sexually molested her and treated her mother like crap when she was really young. Then she told me that her parents are together by common law and that her mother cheated on her father a while back, in front of her. She was just being honest because she loves me that much. She loves her parents but they often have shouting matches on the phone. I'm concerned and I feel in a way, important to be a good influence as she meet my family 2 months in our relationship and she's becoming well bonded with them. I've meet her friends and they are closer to her because she's the only child in the family plus they like me and they seem to have good heads on they're shoulders. This seems like a lot of baggage to carry but it I feel like we have a good understanding of what she wants. I need a very good assessment to this situation because I love her and plan to be with her in the long haul. I have this funny feeling that her ex is still in the picture and if she knows were to end if for the best of us being together. I trust her and love her although I don't want to be in blissful and ignorent towards something that could seem so good.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Jul 1, 2008, 03:53 PM
    Do you see any read flags that she could be seeing him?
    Does she have times that you have no idea where she is?
    Act secretive?
    Phone and internet stuff that she tries to hide?

    The ex could very well be trying to get you to dump her for whatever reason.
    Or she could be covering up things.
    Take your time and be sure before you get in any deeper with her.

    With her dysfunctional upbringing yes it could be a problem in how she deals with things and people.
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
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    #3

    Jul 1, 2008, 07:53 PM
    I cannot emphasize how much work you would both have to do to make a relationship work. She has a lifetime of pain to deal with. Her formidable years were scarred by abuse and divorce. I am not sure why you chose the word "rape" for her Facebook wall. But, be that as it may, I guess it's slang... Anyway, she had a bad relationship before you and has you nervous now... I think this relationship is about 5 and possibly 10 years early. She has a lot of living and self-discovery to do... If you have infinite patience and great luck and love you may be able to take this further, but go slow and don't ignore your gut.

    She sounds cool but needs to go slow... And you sound like you want more. And man, this is not going to be easy.. She is used to chaos... and needs to learn there's more to life than chaos.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,227, Reputation: 10853
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    #4

    Jul 5, 2008, 10:08 AM
    As others have said, go slow so you can get to know her a lot better, and its much to early for long term commitments, or deep emotional investments, after only 5 months. Have fun learning, and leave the rest for later. Pay attention, and with eyes wide open, and expectations low, see how it goes and if its looking good in a year, you might have something to talk about.

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