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    s_azimi's Avatar
    s_azimi Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 29, 2010, 09:51 PM
    Do breaks in a relationship work
    I have been reading many different sites and asking different people and searching for an answer. DO breaks actually work? I've been going out with a guy for almost 2 years and we broke up the past month and we decided to go on a break. I personally didn't want to go on a break but my boyfreind did... I was really angry with him at the time but over time I realized how much I really love him and how much mistakes I actually made to get it to this point. But when I told him I realize my mistakes and begged him he still wants to go on a break and take time for himself. He tells me he loves me more than anything and I love him more than anything and all he wants is space and in a few months when its summer he wants to hook up again and make it work. My problem is I'm having difficulty trusting the fact that he really loves me and wants to make it work... why doesn't he want to work on it right now? But he calls me all the time still and tells me he loves me all the time and promised me he doesn't want to do anything with girls and its not about that and that too many things have happened and we just need to give it time. Should I believe what he says? Can this break be a good things?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member

    Jan 30, 2010, 01:31 AM
    If a relationship is working why go on a break?

    I would act as if you were broken up and go do my own thing.
    Go no contact and start living your own life again.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
    Ultra Member

    Jan 30, 2010, 02:33 AM

    If there are problems in the relationship,there still going to be there if/when you get back together...

    If he loves you as he says,I would think that he would want to work out the issues while your together.

    He's wants time and space... away from you.

    I would take this as a break up,move on,and let him know that your not going to wait around while he 'finds himself'.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Jan 30, 2010, 10:38 AM

    No way do you even believe him. Why? Because partners that are sincere in their feelings don't string them along with poor arse excuses about needing space for themselves.

    Just my opinion, but he has other things he is doing that he doesn't want to tell you about, and is only using the love word to keep you hanging on, just in case he needs someone to run back to.

    That makes him a liar in case you haven't figured it out, and he is using your feelings to get what he wants, no matter how miserable it makes you. That's very selfish, and uncaring, and is in no way showing love.

    Stop listening to him, and keep your dignity and self respect, by ignoring him completely.

    Sure it will be hard, and painful, but that will be better than being used, and played for a fool!
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert

    Jan 30, 2010, 10:17 PM

    Actions speak louder than words.

    Regardless of what he says, if he really cared about you, he wouldn't risk losing them by asking you for a break.

    Healthy relationships operate on a two-way street. Hard work from both people involved. Sounds very one-sided to me right now.
    s_azimi's Avatar
    s_azimi Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 30, 2010, 11:36 PM

    That's what I have actually been saying to him... about how it doesn't make sense an all but what I've explained here is very brief it's a very complicated situation... because for example our families even got involved so everyone is on bad terms now and that's one of the reasons he says we need to cool off which I thought was legit... or you know stuff I've done to really hurt him and I to be honest I think he got tired of me to be frank it's the simple and brutal truth I don't know what to do. Because I've tried breaking it off and saying go $%^$% yourself if you loved me you'd want to work it out but he keeps coming back and begging me like everyday to trust him and all he needs is just some space to himself. Its even more complicated than that but I just really don't know
    jaffeyjoeblaze's Avatar
    jaffeyjoeblaze Posts: 157, Reputation: 16
    Junior Member

    Jan 31, 2010, 02:39 AM

    I think breaks can work, too bad I've never took a break, I could see what I am in now as a break but I am meeting many better people after the break up...

    I really hope this 'break' allows me and my ex to grow as better people for a next relationship or possibly another chance at a relationship with my ex... which I highly highly highly doubt will happen... and right now I hope it doesn't
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Jan 31, 2010, 05:10 AM

    He wants a break, give it to him, and go do your thing! What makes things so complicated is you keep talking to him. Tell him to enjoy his break, and his freedom, because you are!

    Stop being so available for his talking to you. That's what complicating things.
    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
    Ultra Member

    Jan 31, 2010, 07:59 AM
    A break means its pretty much over. You will never be able to look at him the same way - even if you'd start dating again you'll never trust him, you'll always worry that he'll want another one down the road. I think he has other motives. In my experience when someone asks for a break either they have started riding another horse or they have dusted off the saddle and are looking for propects.

    Unless you like heartache, I'd move on and find the happiness you deserve.
    bluemonster's Avatar
    bluemonster Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 31, 2010, 06:07 PM

    Breaks can be quite a healthy thing. But it does seem strange the level of planning that has gone into this one.
    Perhaps what I have had before is more of a breather than a break. Some time of no contact to go over my thoughts and then meet again in a calmer and happier environment.
    I'm talking of a short period of say two weeks though. Anything longer than a month is a break up. I wouldn't want to go with out my partner for that long.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
    Ultra Member

    Jan 31, 2010, 07:46 PM

    Sometimes people want a break because they want to let you down easy.
    Don't want to be the bad guy.

    See if their plan works. Explore their options. Play games.

    I say give him the break & not have high hopes of getting back. If this is what he wants & you care, then give him this last gift. And that's it.

    Hard to to trust someone that does this.

    Maybe this is a time to re-evaluate what you want & the kind of person that you really deserve..

    Sometimes people want to move on. Do the same & be good to yourself in the process.

    Don't worry about him, just you.

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