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pamela40 · Apr 27, 2009, 07:07 AM

In times of arguments, my husbands voice and tone will change to "yelling". I have asked him not to do that and even go into asking why is he yelling during the times that it's happening. His main concern is that I caused him to yell as if I'm a 3 year old? Then this causes him to throw things and run away from the situation at hand.

How can this be handled?

kctiger · Apr 27, 2009, 07:08 AM

Some anger management classes should be in order...

Romefalls19 · Apr 27, 2009, 07:14 AM

Granted, I do get angry and often times yell during an argument but never throw things. I suggest he goes to some anger management classes and quick before it turns abusive.

mudweiser · Apr 27, 2009, 07:27 AM

Ick- that's not good. If you let him slide his behaviour will become worse.

Anger management is a good suggestion, also try couple's counciling. Sometimes people act that way when there is something else bothering them.

He could be throwing things out of anger but it could be a sign of inner frustration.

It's best to seek outside help for this, a therapist, a pastor or even a couple's group.

Don't let him continue this behaviour, it'll only get worse.

Sarah

pathisfer · Apr 27, 2009, 07:30 AM

I would thinking yelling sometimes is okay as long as what is being said isn't abusive but the throwing things and storming out means he has problems dealing with anger. My ex and I share a child and he still tends to explode sometimes over trivial things but I can always tell if he's building up to that so I just leave. The years I was in a relationship with him, I learned to give him space if he was frustrated and then work it out when we were both calm. I also realized I would push his buttons to get a reaction at times and it was hard not to do that so I had to own my part in it. My father does this every once in a while and now he and my stepmom are in therapy and he's 'working on it'. She tends to harp on him when she knows he's frustrated so I think that makes it worse or even contributes to it.
If you can honesty say you don't play a role in this & if your husband goes from calm to exploding in a matter of seconds, then he's a time bomb and needs help.

talaniman · Apr 28, 2009, 08:38 AM

He needs help all right, or you should leave.

I wish · Apr 28, 2009, 08:45 AM

Sounds very abusive. Better act before his behavior gets worse. Strongly urge him to get help. Anger management, whatever it takes.

The more he gets away with, the more he's going to push his limits and the worse he will become.

artlady · Apr 28, 2009, 08:53 AM

You need to discuss this when he is not yelling.

Have a discussion about how you will both conduct yourselves when you have a disagreement.

His frustration threshold sounds very low,hence,throwing things!
Explain to him ,you do not hear him better when he yells but you hear him less.

Below is an article you both should read.

Dr. Phil.com - Advice - How to Fight Fair