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    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 9, 2005, 02:32 AM
    Dilema for Bi-bloke
    Where to start...

    Well, I am (a young!) 50 years old, and I have always known that I am
    Bi-sexual and have had far more experiences with lads than with girls (but I've never gone more that masturbating/oral) - I have never come out - and am very masculine etc and nobody suspects. I have many friends and none of them know - apart from one...

    The trouble is that he is only 19 1/2 - and is the son of a friend who remarried. We 'got it on' on a ski-ing holiday and for about 6 months afterwards. He confided me that he had done it before but that was that, he was and is well into girls. Nothing has happened between us for 1 1/2 years - and I'm still friends with the family etc and with the son but don't see him a lot other than holidays etc.

    Last night I was looking at his new mobile phone when I clicked on a message and it was from a guy called Stefan and the message ended with two kisses.
    I asked him what that was all about and he said he hasn't got a clue, his mate must have used a general txt that he had previously used for a bird...
    I was honest and told him that I had been ringing a chatline and had met a couple of guys for mastbn fun - but he said well that's up to you whatever makes you happy - and he maintains that he has had no feelings like that whatsoever since we stopped doing it (he said it was fun at the time but he is not like that anymore). The trouble is that last night I could not sleep because of worrying about whether he is in fact doing something similar with this lad Stefan. I have said to him that he can confide in me anytime if ever he has any issues.

    What should I do?

    Jono
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #2

    Dec 9, 2005, 02:39 AM
    You sound like a lovely guy who would do anything for anyone. I am the very same.

    The one thing you have to remember is you cannot push someone to do something. In this case you cannot make him talk to you or tell you if he is doing similar things with this guy.

    As long as he knows your there - he will talk in his own time (if he so wishes) - but you just have to leave him to it for now.

    There is nothing wrong in being concerned for someone you care about (and clearly you really do care about him) - but sometimes you just have to back off.

    But on the other hand he could be telling you the truth.

    Either way have some trust & faith and be there for him if he needs you; just try not to press him about it - and try not to worry until when & if you need to worry.
    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 9, 2005, 03:03 AM
    Thanks
    For the kind message DJ H - much appreciated.
    I could not sleep for worry last night...

    Cheers again
    Jono
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #4

    Dec 9, 2005, 03:40 AM
    No worries
    I used to worry a lot about things & friends - but then I realised there is no point in worrying until I know I need to worry.

    Just be patient - everythingwill work out just fine :)
    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 9, 2005, 03:56 AM
    Wow
    I wish I could meet a girl like you - to be totally honest with - to get
    To know as a real soul mate - its impossible... :(
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
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    #6

    Dec 9, 2005, 05:08 AM
    Can't forget
    Hi,
    You haven't been with him for 1 1/2 years?
    This person has his own life, and maybe he is ready to move on, if he isn't telling the truth about the bird calls.
    Maybe you can move on, too. A relationship in which nothing has happed for that long isn't going anywere. Maybe meeting some new people, talking with them, etc, will help you get over this. I do wish you the best of luck.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #7

    Dec 9, 2005, 05:26 AM
    Nothing is ever impossible. You just have to stop looking & trying so hard. If you concentrate on yourself more and regain confidence which I sense you lack then you will become so more attractive to others. People who are confident & happy with their lives and are not out looking for things to happen are more likely to attract someone who you can click with etc.

    My best friend Mike is my soul mate and no matter what happens in life or where we end up we will always be there for each other. Mike and I used to date and then broke up. It was strange & rocky for a while but these days we are the best of friends and rock solid. Nothing can break us. Pete my boyfriend is very comfortable with this and gets on with Mike really well so I am very lucky.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that I see this guy is the son of your friends which obviously makes things a little awkawrd for you - but if he wants to be friends with you and talk to you about stuff then he will but if he doesn't then you just have to accept that and repect his wishes.

    You should try to focus you efforts on your life. Get out there, socialise with new people, make new friends and enjoy yourself.
    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Dec 9, 2005, 06:35 AM
    Thanks again
    Sound advice - easier said than done... can't get rid of that horrible feeling
    In the pit of my stomach though.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #9

    Dec 9, 2005, 06:52 AM
    I know it's easier said than done - I have been there myself and know exactly how you feel. You just need to take a deep breath and find the strength that lies within you to take theses steps. I promise you, you can do this. Anyone can do anything they want, they just have to apply themselves.
    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Dec 9, 2005, 07:54 AM
    Do you mind
    If I keep you posted on what happens in the future? - it has helped talking to you, even though it has been by e-mail. What's really beating me up is that if he is doing stuff with this other lad then will it have been my fault for doing stuff with him, at his impressionable age? - In the meantime I have my own
    Demons to deal with - a bloke of 50 who is bi-sexual and nobody in the whole world (apart from this lad) that knows - and there is no way absolutely no way that I could tell any of my family or friends because for one thing I have been misleading them all my life which is unforgivable as far as I am concerned... I feel so bad inside
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #11

    Dec 9, 2005, 08:07 AM
    You can keep me posted of course. I am on almost everyday and will be more than happy to chat to you anytime you need to get something off you chest. If I can help you in anyway then I will.

    If you qould prefer you can always send me a private message (which is located in the top right).

    I know your feeling bad right now, but really you must not think this way. If had not done it with you, it would have been with someone else.

    You have carried this secret for a very long time, it must have been very fristrating not to be able to tell anyone about it. You have done this as a away of protecting yourself from everyone - obviously too afraid of what others might think of you if they know? What's matters is you. You need to be happy with yourself; so what if you Bi; you are still a human being wanting some happiness and to enjoy life like the rest of us. Its nothing to be ashamed of; and you certainly have not done anything to be ashamed of.

    Put yourself first and just let him get on with things. He is an adult and very capable of making his own decisions.
    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Dec 12, 2005, 03:22 AM
    Hi
    Just to let you know I sent you a private message - but not
    Sure if it will work or not - please let me know if it doesn't

    Cheers
    Jono
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #13

    Dec 12, 2005, 04:31 AM
    Have got it- reply on way!
    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Dec 12, 2005, 08:20 AM
    Hi DJ 'H',

    If you sent a private reply - I never got it - if you haven't had time yet
    Sorry for being impatient!

    Cheers
    Jono
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #15

    Dec 12, 2005, 09:21 AM
    Sos orry - work has been a little busy today and I have also been on the hpone place ads for my missing cat.

    Will reply at some stage - I promise.
    Jono's Avatar
    Jono Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Dec 13, 2005, 02:43 AM
    Hope
    You find your cat - that's sad
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #17

    Dec 13, 2005, 03:34 AM
    So do I - she is not just a cat to me. I have had her for 14yrs - she is my baby girl and I am lost without her!

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