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    alva's Avatar
    alva Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 18, 2008, 06:01 AM
    I destroyed my ex boyfriends new relationship and feel awful.
    Hi all.
    I've made such a stupid mistake and feel terrible.
    My partner of 6 years left me and our child(aged 5) for a girl he had been seeing while he was still with me. That was about 9 weeks ago and he has been dating her since.
    He is mad about her.

    The first week after we split he asked me to take him back but said he wasn't willing to go to counselling, stop ging out socialising without me etc. I knew I wouldn't be able to trust him if he wasn't willing to make an effort so I said no and we decided to stay friends but ended up in bed together for a final fling :o

    A couple of weeks later, the night I was due to move out he stayed in with me and came onto me and we spent the night together again. I moved out the next day.

    I saw his phone and he had told her the night he asked me to get back that I begged him to come home and talk and he owed me that much and she wasn't to worry. He also told her we'd had a few drinks the night I was moving out but that nothing had happened.

    Anyway, he was being very disrespectful of how he acted around me. He was talking about her, had photos of her where our daughter could see, brought her to our old home etc.
    I was still very hurt and devastated as I love him very much. I decided I couldn't be "friends" just yet and stopped contact about 10 days ago. He told me he was very sad about this and hoped we could be friends.

    I contacted him last night as I needed to collect some things from the house. He told me SHE was there and I got upset (she lives far away and has no reason to be in our town, near our daughter). He said that it was his house and he paid the mortgage and could invite who he wanted. Funny, when he needed to borrow money for the mortgage last month it was "our" house.
    The conversation turned into an argument and he told me he was intending on selling the house. When we last discussed it a couple of weeks ago we had decided to keep it as an investment and then he changed his mind but never told me.

    I'd had enough and in a fit of rage I emailed his new girlfriend to tell her all of what went on the first few weeks of their relationship. That he had asked me back, that he had slept with me... I told her everything. I was just so angry at him and nothing I say to him makes any difference as he is so besotted with her. I knew the only way to hurt him was through her.
    I told her the absolute truth including that after those 2 times I came on to ex and he turned me down because of her. When I asked why he had the first 2 times he said that they weren't official then etc.

    I regretted sending it as soon as I had it done and was awake all nght worrying about it. I sent ex a text this mornind apologising and said I hoped that he would not let this affect his relationship with our child and that I hoped in time he could forgive me. He replied "that really depends on whether you've destroyed one of the only things remaining in my life that makes me happy".
    I replied that he had to take some responsibility as well for what he did, both to her and to me. I apologised again and pointed out that after all he had done to hurt me he still expected me to forgive him and remain friends and I was asking him to do the same for my mistake. I offered to tell the girl I was lying. He said he had already told her that it was true and she was taking time to think about what she would do.
    He asked me to leave him alone for a few days.

    I said I really didn't want it to end like this and I felt really bad for hurting him.

    I feel terrible for what I have done. I love him and I hate that I have hurt him and even though he hurt me so badly, I cannot justify what I have done. I want to put it right and I just don't know how. :(
    Peter Wilson's Avatar
    Peter Wilson Posts: 86, Reputation: 19
    Junior Member

    Aug 18, 2008, 06:14 AM
    There is a song called respect yourself, maybe that's what you should be doing right now.
    Dump this loser, you don't need this in you or your daughters life.
    If I was you, I would just move away for a couple of years, with no contact at all.
    Get your mind back in order, stop walking in this way, for your own peace and that of your daughter.
    Why continue to punish yourself for his failings, you are worth much more than that.
    God loves you and sees you as a princess, call out to Him and He will send some-one to lead you to a good place.
    There are many questions in the world, but there is only one answer, Jesus.
    If He could turn me around, then He can turn you around.
    Don't give up hope, love is waiting.
    notbigthing's Avatar
    notbigthing Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member

    Aug 18, 2008, 07:30 AM
    I got more and more angry when reading your post, it is him who messed up the whole thing, why you apologize? He left u, he cheated on,and you blame yourself by destroy his relationship? He deserve it.stay out of him, don't contact him, he is with OTHER GIRL,u need to take care of your daughter. Let him to be your daughter's father, but, don't think too much of him.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,104, Reputation: 10852

    Aug 18, 2008, 08:17 AM
    You have done enough out of hurt, and anger, and just need to back off ,and put your own life back together, and let him do the same. Everyone needs some space to heal, and reflect ,and learn, and GROW, from this terrible experience.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member

    Aug 18, 2008, 08:28 AM
    I agree that you need to back off because he will just sweet talk her and have her believing you lied to her in an attempt to get him back cause you can't live without him. So don't get involved any more. You realize now what a snake he is that he can make excuses that you begged him to stay with you and that you and him didn't do anything when you HAD.
    He had probably been telling her all along that he doesn't even sleep with you and that things have been a roommates only thing for months.
    Be glad she took him off your hands and leave them go. Love is blind so any attempts at telling her anything are going to make you look like a jealous lunatic cause he will make it look that way.

    You are the one that was mistreated yet you want to take the blame and guilt DON'T
    Cailleac Bhuer's Avatar
    Cailleac Bhuer Posts: 31, Reputation: 1

    Aug 18, 2008, 08:38 AM
    I agree with the other answers. This guy cheated on you and used you to get what he wanted. You and his child are out of your own home to boot. This guy is the layer of goo below pond scum. Be happy you are away from him and move on. Be sure to stop the local child support office if he doesn't pay child support already and get your daughter his financial support
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member

    Aug 18, 2008, 08:52 AM
    Also don't spend another dime on him or his house no matter what he says or promises.

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