Hello, PLEASE READ
I majorly need some advice with some problems that Iam passing through with my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 6 months but we both feel that it has been more than that. We meet in the internet and began chatting for a few months till we decided to exchange phone numbers. Strong feelings towards each other began to built both in me and him-he told me all these beautiful things that he has planned for me and that he truly feels a strong connection.. Soon we saw each other in person and he was all over me I felt like he really was hooked on me and I on him.. Soon we went all the way a few weeks later our first date because we both felt strongly about each other and couldn't contain ourselves.. In a way I don't regret giving myself to him but the thought has past my mind that I probably was too easy and believe me Iam getting so hurt cause of it now... Anyways, he would only past by to see me on the weekends cause our relationship needed to be hidden from my parents and grandparents for certain reasons(which he also knows about) so he would only come and see me during the weekend and what we would mostly do is be together, him take me out to theater late at night, or stay home and watch a movie. Everything was fine at first until I began to notice that sometimes when I was in the urge to be close to him sexually I felt that he wasnt-I also began to see weird the fact that if he really was crazy about me like he would tell me than why wouldn't he try to surprise me and try to see me also on some weekdays as well.. Isn't that how its suppose when one loves another? They have the urge to see that person everyday or at least try right? Well in my case it wasn't like that, I feel like sometimes I have more of the urge on seeing him and wanting to be with him than he does-he's been the only one that has cancelled a day of the weekend without seeing me (because he had head or tummy pain) I, in the other hand, have tried never to cancel cause I would be dying to see him because I love him so much.. Anyway, just yesterday I told my parents about me and my boyfriend seeing each other in person (they knew that I was talking to someone over the internet and by phone but I wasn't ready before to tell them that I have also meet him several times behind their back).. The point that I am trying to get to is that they also saw it strange that he only comes and see me in the weekend, they began to tell me that he probably is just using me, that I gave myself to easily to him, that who knows what he does on the weekday after work that he might be cheating on me.. All those things have been running in my mind and these past 3 days I have been very depressed, hurt and confused.. Before I told my parents about him- this past Sunday I decided to talk to him face to face and ask him why he only comes to see me in the weekend and hasn't tried on a weekday and his response was that we both agreed to see each other only on the weekend cause of the hidding, and also he added that its probably the fact that he has always been more alone and to himself that its going to be hard to share more days with someone else.. We're getting married very soon and we both set the date for July 14, 2008 so he also added that night that soon we will be marry and see each other everyday and that he is trying to enjoy being alone before then.. I also asked him if he truly loved me as much as he says and he told me yes and that's when I asked him about me somedays wanting to be close to him sexually and him not wanting it.. he then burst out telling me that he has a problem reaching his climax with me-and yes I have noticed that every time we were together-his penis would get hard but then die for anything.. He kept on telling me that night that if I think its easy for him to tell me those things, that their would be nights that he would go home frustrated at the fact that he coulnt get hard again.. Now, finally my question is could that be the problem of him not wanting to see me on the weekday, or could it be that his love for me is slowly disappearing? Or could their be a dark secret that he hasn't yet told me?
He calls me everyday morning, afternoon, and night-he's also told me that sometimes he feels the same thing about me, that something he doubts that I love him as much as I say I do.. Hes told me that he thinks this way cause he calls me all the time on the phone and I do the opposite--the only reason I do this is because I don't want to be too sticky and him lose interest in me.. so my plan is that this weekend I am going to tell him that I need time alone and that I don't want to see him just this weekend to think things over.. in other words I am going to try my hardest to stop being in back of him and depending on him to go out or see him every weekend.. what should I doo?

Wowwww...

For one thing, you need to make paragraphs. It's hard to read 1 big block of text, and I found myself leaving this thread 3 times before I finally responded.

A 6 month relationship that's already on a path for marriage in July? Do you realize that you have more time between now and your day of marriage, than you had between now and when you first met? Why the rush? You are just 22.

Have you ever been single? EVER? I mean like... after your first serious boyfriend ever, if you haven't been single for at least 6 months, then chances are you don't really know who you are. And if you don't know who you are, it will be hard to know for a fact who you want to be with. You might "love" this guy now, but love is distorted if you don't even know yourself first.

I have a feeling that you just want people to tell you good things and support you and let you know that everything is going to be OK. I really think you should reconsider getting married so soon. I guarantee this guy is getting teased by friends or family for being committed so early in a relationship. If that was me, I'd be hesitant about you, but not because I wouldn't like you, just because id have a hard time telling you. That would also explain the sexual problems.

If you talk to him about the wedding being so soon, and having an open mind, and maybe reconsidering getting married so early, that might ease up the pressure, and allow him to be himself. But you'll have to talk with him to figure that out.

Your case is unique. I would also suggest breaking up and being alone for a good period... 5 to 6 months... and getting to know and love yourself before you love anyone else ever again. You won't do this, and I wouldn't pressure you to. If by some weird freak accident it happens, I hope you do. When you learn to love yourself, you become this different person, one who is confident and knows for sure what he/she wants.

I heard someone tell me this, and I thought "pfft.... please. i love myself already, i know what i want". But then I broke up with my girl and FORCED myself to stay single. And you know what? I CHANGED! I realized I wasn't being myself, so then I changed until I was comfortable. Then I LOVED myself like I never thought was possible. After that, I gained a ton of confidence, which came with respect from others. My life vastly improved, all thanks to the advice of a stranger. She was 76. :)

But take everything with a grain of salt, OK? You sound like you need time more than anything else. Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. And talk to him.

What you feel is right follow your heart you deserve better mate

I couldn't even finish this block of text without my eyes straining. I read a little and it sounds to me like you fell too fast for this guy.

He could be seeing other people on the side, especially if he gives signs of not wanting or needing some intimacy from you. I personally wouldn't of gotten too much involved with a person you just meet like you did without becoming friends. I highly recommend that to anyone before getting yourself feeling it's a serious relationship. Going too fast in a relationship is not good. Maybe, slow down, take it easy. All this marriage talk after knowing a single man for 6 months? Why even go there. Can you say, you even know this guy you just met inside and out. His flaws, his mistakes, or his wants out of life. It's up to you but don't say we didn't warn you.

Hi Mimi,
This is the first time I've ever been on this site, and I don't even really know how to use it yet. But yours was the first question I clicked on, just to see what other people ask. I have a few questions to ask you, and maybe you should ask yourself too? Have you met your bf's family, friends? Do you call him at home... or on his cell phone? Does he show any interest in meeting your family? Have you asked him why he hasn't seen a Dr. if he has probs with sex? None of that stuff is going to go away if it's not talked about first... trust me! I've been there done that! I'm not sure how old you are, but from your pic you are a whole lot younger than me. Take it from me sweetie, don't jump into a relationship to quick without knowing EVERYTHING about him and his life. That doesn't mean just the things he TELLS you! Words come easy... actions are proof! I have been through a marriage, and 2 long term relationships and believe me... even in the best of circumstances they go bad when you don't know the person well enough. I am actually in the middle of a court battle right now with my ex... who by the way I considered to be my best and most trusted friend also... and he broke into my house (when I moved out of ours) and assaulted me and broke my ribs and cheekbone. I have since found out from his family (who live out of the country, so I never met any of them) that he had an awful temper. I was with him for more than 3 yrs, and always saw a happy go lucky guy... until he snapped! So, all I'm saying is... do your homework girl. Find out everything you can. There's no rush! Please don't let you life revolve around any man! Make you life revolve around YOU... and if he deserves it, LET him be part of it... but don't marry him to make you feel better about yourself. It can ruin future relationships (and there will be some) and it can also ruin your life and your mental well being. Anyway, I hope I gave you a few things to think about and helped a little bit!
Take care girl, and be honest with yourself. If it feels like something isn't right, then chances are something is wrong. Trust your gut!
~Jo:) :)

Thank you all for your advices and opinion-i really needed them these past few days.. I have thought a lot and decided to follow my heart and he is my heart.. I know all of you are telling me that this relationship is going too quickly and that I shouldn't rush into things and believe me I ve thought of it but never in my life have I fallen so deeply for anyone.. and yes this is my second boyfriend but I never felt anything so strong like in this relationship.. I will get to know his family very soon and he mine-but I know that he will make me very happy I mean he has already been doing so.. the problem with me is that I tend to overthink too much and am very negative and that's something that I have to work on.. but I do love him and he has shown me several times the same feeling back- lets see what life brings for us in the near future-thank you all again for your advices..

How can you be so happy with this stranger you only see on the weekend. Have you seen his place yet? Slow this train down dear as your moving so fast that you haven't even gotten to know this guy or seen him enough to marry?? Marry in haste, divorce even faster. What is your hurry??

It will be unable to reason with you mimi. We've all been there and we have seen it for ourselves. I felt the same way you did about a girl, then out of nowhere, I dumped her and broke her into a million pieces. She never saw it coming. But at a young age, you change, and with change comes with your change in taste, including what you like in a girl. If you slow down, you can't be shocked.


Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. And good judgment comes from bad experience, which usually comes from bad judgment. Everyone here wants it to work with your boyfriend, and I don't think anyone here doubts that it can't work. I think it can work. But by moving so fast, you reduce the chances of it working. We want you to slow down to increase your success rate. I don't think you see that, and I think that will be your downfall. :(