# My daughter turned on me for a boy.

My daughter turned on me at 18, over a boy. She's 19 now, and I'm still completely shutout of her life.

What happened: I raised her on my own, working hard, and giving her the rest if my time. She had serious health issues, and it was hard. At times I thought I couldn't do it or that she'd never have a "normal" life. She missed out on a lot of social and developmental growth due to her illness. I was her mother bear, ensuring IEP's were followed etc. She started acting out as a freshman, so I got her into horses. We moved to a farm and we both shoveled manure for riding privileges.

Then. 1-14-12 I got in an accident. Trauma, brain injury, and I needed her to help me short term. I couldn't even stand. She was a senior. She met the boy then, grew resentful and rejected me for suddenly not being so strong. Finally, I got a call from my landlord. There was fuel leaking from my truck. The boy and my daughter had come and gotten her things. She was gone. While they were there "someone" slit my fuel line. I was able to stand and allowed to drive then, but it still took me a while to "process" things. It is entirely possible I'd of smelled the gas but not put two and two together, started the truck, and been burned or killed. No one actually saw him or her do it, his grandma is a child. Does not parent. No one did anything. He had changed my fuel filter right where it was cut. She'd just bought him a pocket knife. His own house burnt down a year prior. Even brain damaged, its clear, they could have killed me. She insists he didn't do it.

Also, she's shut me out if her entire life. I'm "86'd" if I try to talk to her at work etc etc. She refuses to speak to me. Texted me on/off for a year, but I cut that off. It hurts communication and keeps her in control. She has mocked me for being hurt throughout the small town I worked and raised her in. I know I have zero control, and am so hurt I am nearly suicidal. I don't know if she's turned into a dark woman for life. Caring for her took everything I had so I haven't much of a life. I've been trying to heal from my injury for two years, but my broken heart is interfering.

Anyway, that's my life and if anyone has anything hopeful to say, like they knew someone like that and they grew up, learned, I could sure use it, though I have almost no real hope.

Thanks.

Last edited by talaniman; Dec 6, 2013 at 02:19 PM. Reason: Edited and moved to its own thread.
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 talaniman Posts: 51,754, Reputation: 10739 Expert #2 Dec 6, 2013, 02:24 PM
Wow, you have been through a lot, and it's a tough situation, and I would hop your daughter grows and learns and does better. But until then, take this opportunity to heal and get beyond this by building a life that you enjoy and are happy about. Do this for yourself because you deserve it. You raised her the best you could, now start being good to yourself. Don't give upon you, in case she does learn better and comes back around. Most kids need time and space to be independent even if they are aholes about it.

I wish you luck.
 wellintended Posts: 2, Reputation: 1 New Member #3 Dec 6, 2013, 05:35 PM
There are a couple details I should add that amplify my concern and confusion.

My daughter's health problems were mental health related. Severe anxiety and depression, which she finally told me in high school, were due to being molested at age 5. She went from being so happy to suicidal by grade 3. I got her help in 3rd grade. They gave her meds that shutdown her so smart brain, but she lived.

She went off the meds in high school, & her intelligence came back. My injury brought back the severe anxiety though, & she was hearing voices again. I got her help right away, & beta blockers seemed to help, but she turned 18 & I lost all rights to even know how she is.

Everything I read says give rebellous young adults space, unless they have mental health problems, but she won't let me near her.

My focus for 1.5 decades has been keeping her alive. I wake up terrified for her every night.

She is holding a jobb, although she dropped out of college. She seems to be maintaining a good work ethic and reputation. That's more than I'm doing. I'm still not healed or working.

I don't know what to do, & feel negligant not tracking her health even though I have absolutely no way to.

That's very personal, & I'd never reveal her private health info if we used real names, but I thought for once I'd reach out with the straight facts. Thank you for taking the time to read, & I'd sure welcome any "been there" advise.
 Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,728, Reputation: 2584 Dating & Teen Expert #4 Dec 9, 2013, 06:33 AM
You need to focus on you. Maybe she needs this time away. You take care of you.
 talaniman Posts: 51,754, Reputation: 10739 Expert #5 Dec 9, 2013, 06:51 AM
Letting go of our children to be independent is the hardest thing a parent does. We will always worry. Always be parents. But there is little choice but to let them deal with their own reality their way and hope for the best.

Maybe its time to be something besides a concerned parent, and deal with your own issues. Trust me, I know how hard that is.

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