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    confused25's Avatar
    confused25 Posts: 319, Reputation: 98
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    #1

    May 14, 2006, 06:52 PM
    Courting A Lady
    Hey Everyone,

    Well here is my situation. There's this girl that I've been seeing for a couple of weeks now. We've gotten kind of close but we haven't committed to a relationship. She's still seeing other guys and dealing with her ex-boyfriend. My question is what should I do to convince this girl I'm the guy she wants to have a relationship with? I have not at any point that we are together brought up the idea of a relationship because I'm worried that might scare her away. I've heard that it's best for the lady to bring up matters regarding a relationship.

    So yeah what should I do? How often should I call her and just talk to her? I was thinking of calling once a day and talking for a few minutes, but I don't want to come off as clingy or weak. Should I make her chase me a bit? Maybe call her one day, talk to her and have a fun conversation, and then just wait until she calls me? We've gone out a couple of times and had a lot of fun, but I don't want to have to keep being the one who is always chasing and making the first move, such as calling, asking if she wants to get together, etc. Like I said earlier, I don't want to chase too much to the point that it will scare her away. Any advice you guys and girls can give on courting a women is greatly appreciated. Thanks! (Oh and if it helps we are both 20 years old and in college.)
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #2

    May 15, 2006, 12:20 AM
    I quote - "I've heard that it's best for the lady to bring up matters regarding a relationship" - I can tell you from experience that is not really the case.

    If you personally know this woman than why notinvite her out for a nice dinner and talk it over, over a nice meal and a bottle of wine.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
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    #3

    May 15, 2006, 05:07 AM
    Hi, confused,
    You are both 20 yrs old, and in college; been there, done that!
    At 20 yrs old, she may or may not want to have a relationship with anyone, that is serious; or leading to marriage.
    If you are interested in her, then call her. Nothing wrong in calling her today, talking with her, and ask her out... maybe for coffee, or to a movie, or a college "get-together" or dance.
    It's only by talking with her that you will find out if she is really interested in you. After calling her, you will know. If she is glad you called, talks with you, then call her the next day.
    Best of luck.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #4

    May 15, 2006, 10:59 AM
    Its TOO EARLY to worry about this stuff. Take your time and have only FUN times together - no bad. None.

    Early on when your dating someone there are generally ALWAYS other guys... ex boyfriends that screwed up and are trying to get them back, the ONE guy she has always been pinning for etc. - there will always be other guys - you need to be cool about that.

    The serious relationship stuff SHOULDn't come into play for at least 3 months and more like 6 months...

    You bring these questions up now and you will ONLY put pressure on her and push her away. Early on you NEED to avoid pressure on a woman.

    Calling is tough... I've had women who don't want to be called mor than a couple times a week and some a couple time a day... limit the e-mails and text.

    BUT, in communcating - LESS IS MORE. You can always over do it.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #5

    May 15, 2006, 03:30 PM
    Breathe, slow down, have fun, relax and make absolutely nothing happen!

    Instead allow whatever is to happen to happen. And if and when this changes, learn to adapt. And if and when this ends, learn to recover so you can. .

    Breathe, slow down, have fun and relax all over again! :p
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    May 15, 2006, 08:47 PM
    Why mess up a good thing with that b/f-g/f stuff? Enjoy and get to know this lady and see what happens. I can never see what the hurry is to do the ownership stuff. If after a year your still cooking then maybe you can think about... commitment!:cool:
    confused25's Avatar
    confused25 Posts: 319, Reputation: 98
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    #7

    May 28, 2006, 09:05 PM
    Thanks for the input everyone. You're all right, I just need to slow down and let things play out on their own. Thanks again!
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #8

    May 29, 2006, 12:14 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Krs
    I quote - "I've heard that it's best for the lady to bring up matters regarding a relationship" - i can tell you from experience that is not really the case.

    If you personally know this woman than why notinvite her out for a nice dinner and talk it over, over a nice meal and a bottle of wine.

    I TOTALLY agree here! (couldnt rep you again so soon!)

    Women like guys that have the confidence to go for it! Even if she isn't interested in a relationship with you, she will respect you. Take a chance and just go for it! Women will not wait for you to make the move, they want YOU to make them feel like you are confident in yourself. If she is still dealing with her EX and is dating outer guys, it doesn't relly sound like she is wanting a boyfriend right now though. I would give it a little time. You don't want to deal with her EX as well... trust me. Just play the field right now buddy, date some oter gals as well... DO NOT WAIT FOR HER, you will get burned. Be a friend, but flirt with her sort of hinting that you like her, then go flirt with another girl! Sounds crazy I know, but girls love the hunt probably more than guys do. You have to know how to play the crads dealt to you, and its not all that hard when you think about it. Be yourself #1, be confident in yourself, don't let them think they have ANY control over you, and play a little hard to get man... Its more fun to have them chase you anyway, and if they chase... you WILL know. That's when you to the whole girlfriend talk, NO SOONER! I have learned a crap load for this site, but you can't learn if you don't apply it. It will take some getting used to, and you will probably have more stikeouts than success, but stick with it. Get your head out of the clouds, and play the game. "courting" is a GAME! You have to know how to play it to win! Seriously, flirt with other girls in front of her, NOT groaping and creepy, just turn on the charm and let her see you do it! I figured out that a GREAT way to pick up the girls you want is to use other girls to do it! I have a ton of girls that are friends that I make sure I go out with if Im hitting the bars or clubs, and it seriously work about 90% of the time. Learn how to be charming, I have been a bartender for about 4 years, and learn a TON from it. Talk for a bit, then leave. A lot of times they will come up and talk to you again later or ask you to dance! Im not sure how old you are, but if you go out with her DANCE!! Girls don't care if you are good at it or not, but it just shows you don't really care what they think or anyone else for that matter... BOOM CONFIDENCE RIGHT THERE! I know I am kind of off the wall on this post, but I just got home from the bars (sorry). Don't act cocky, just be comforitable with who you are and talk, be funny, a little odd, whatever. Just do everything with confidence. Best of luck, and hope I could help!

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