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New Member
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Sep 8, 2011, 11:59 AM
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Confusing need for space in a serious relationship
A little background, we're both 27, have been officially together for the past 6 months. Everything was going very well, having serious talks about moving in with each other and eventually letting each other know that we found exactly who we were looking for. All in all, some very uplifting and heavy feelings that were reciprocated endlessly. We never could get enough of each other, and a need for 'space' seemed trivial.
About 3 days ago, I get ignored for the weekend. When I asked if anything was wrong all I got was "i really need some space right now". The further explanation that I received that she was overwhelmed with jumping into another serious relationship, but what confuses me is that it was serious for the past four months for the both of us. I've been trying to give her the space she needs, but I'm scared that I'm just going to get a text finalizing everything. All of the nice things she said over the last four months are coming to mind and it makes it hurt all the more, because she's very cold and formal now with any interactions.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Sep 8, 2011, 12:11 PM
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I'm glad you've come to this site. You'll receive a number of thoughtful and, I hope, helpful responses.
I'm going to ask you a question or two, so please be patient with me.
You mentioned she said she feels "overwhelmed with jumping into another serious relationship." Had she just come out of a serious relationship before the two of you connected?
What do you think would happen (what would she do) if you didn't contact her at all or respond to any contact by her?
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New Member
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Sep 8, 2011, 12:15 PM
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She came out of a long, unhappy, stressful relationship. We were friends before all the love talk.
Honestly, she seems OK with not talking to me. She's said that there's some times where she feels like she doesn't want to be bothered by anyone, and I get that, I just don't get how you can turn off six months of history and feelings. She's very independent personality and I feel like NC will just kill anything that's left in her head.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Sep 8, 2011, 12:23 PM
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 Originally Posted by glaciers
She came out of a long, unhappy, stressful relationship. We were friends before all the love talk.
Are you still able to be "just friends," or has too much water gone under your bridge?
She's very independent personality and I feel like NC will just kill anything that's left in her head.
She will also very possibly be turned off by a needy, clinging male who can't seem to back off (to where, though, I'm not sure yet).
You certainly don't want her to respond to you because she feels obligated, do you?
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New Member
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Sep 8, 2011, 12:27 PM
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I've certainly backed off in my head and with contact; it's been kept to a bare minimum. Last night the only thing I said that I missed her, and it was replied with "i'm sorry". It's just really weird to going from talking endlessly every day to this.
I really do feel like too much water has gone under the bridge. We were there for each other in some very crappy things in both of our lives, and I feel like she wants nothing to do with me now in the blink of an eye.
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Ultra Member
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Sep 8, 2011, 12:34 PM
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What you need to do is give her the space she is asking for. If not that finalizing text will come guaranteed. You seem to be moving too far, moving in after only dating each other for 6 months regardless if where you saw each other once a week or 24/7 is way too fast, give it time. She is not ready, so pushing her into it will be a mistake and it will overwhelm her to the point that she will HAVE to break up at a later point, it has happened to me, and not too long ago.
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Expert
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Sep 8, 2011, 01:23 PM
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Your are afraid of making some adjustments to this 6 month whirlwind by slowing down, and balancing your life with other things besides each other all the time?
To much, to fast, crash and burn Back up, slow down.
You have another problem you should have seen coming, a failed bad relationship you never let her heal from, and get emotionally healthy again.
She still needs to heal, without you bugging her to get back to the way it was for 6 months. Go back to being friends, or leave her alone. It's that simple, but very difficult. I know that, but you have little choice, and its better than acting on FEAR.
That would be an even worse disaster. Sorry guy, I know it's a hard lesson to learn, and accept, but its never going back to what it was.
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New Member
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Sep 8, 2011, 02:46 PM
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Your are afraid of making some adjustments to this 6 month whirlwind by slowing down, and balancing your life with other things besides each other all the time?
The scarier part is losing someone who became my best bud during that time, as well as the relationship. I've decided that I'm going to back off and let whatever take it's course. I can't make someone feel a certain way about me that just isn't there.
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New Member
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Sep 9, 2011, 11:29 AM
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I posted a question on this site about a recent relationship I was involved in for about 8 months. I won't get into too much detail but basically we clicked in all respects but when we weren't together I rarely heard from him. I felt lonely and unhappy so instead of trying to change him I decided to walk away and pursue/seek out a more fulfilling relationship. I broke it off and he cried to me hysterically saying he loved me, missed me, couldn't stop thinking about me, couldn't imagine his life without me blah blah blah. Well great I never got any of that when we actually were together. Anyhow, to actually get to the point. I asked him for space and time apart and he kept texting and pushing and pushing. I'm here to tell you first and foremost that when a person asks for space please grant that person their wish. The more you persist the more the person will pull away. If you really care and love the person (as hard as this is to do) you need to just accept that they want time apart. For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. I find the worst thing you can do when someone pulls away or asks for space is to insist on keeping in contact. So... don't contact her in any shape, form or fashion. Give her time to think, reflect and evaluate the situation. If it's meant to be she will come around and if not then seek out someone that does want to be with you. Don't make someone a priority that only considers you an option. I've learned that no one is worth stressing over obsessively. Live your life to the fullest and focus on those that show you love and respect :-) everything will work out as it should... ok.
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