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    confuseddd's Avatar
    confuseddd Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 9, 2015, 10:35 PM
    Confusing
    Dear all,

    I have fallen for the same girl twice and the second time happens when I ask her out to walk around with me. So, we haven't met for 7 to 8 years and it just too weird that the feelings just came into me (It's a very strong one and for the very first time I felt that way after being single for 4 to 5 years.) By the way, she is my ex when I was 16 years old.

    I proceeded by asking her out more often after that day and after a few outing, I realize that there is no doubt that she is definitely the one for me.

    After several more outings, I asked her to be my girlfriend then she said that she is confused and she said that it's weird for us to be together again. Then, I decided talk about the past and it doesn't seems to please her at all.

    A week later, we went out for dinner together and we chat about our past for the whole night and after all the conversations, she said that she doesn't want to look back anymore and I was very sad when she said that because it literally means she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Then I proposed that is it possible for me to continue falling for her while being her friend and she said it's okay.

    After that, I stopped looking for her as often as I did. I was positive that she will feel annoyed if I desperately seeks for her attention. 5 days later, she called me through the Skype when I was outside with my friends. To be honest, that made me extremely confused as I have no idea why she called me out of the sudden.

    Next, we had a simple conversation via text and I asked her out again and she agreed to it again. Soon after that, we went for a midnight movie together and we head back as soon as we are done because we were too tired after spending our time together with family and friends for the whole day.

    And now I am stuck with this. May I know what should I do and what is she trying to do?

    PS: Sorry for my bad English.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #2

    Jan 10, 2015, 06:42 AM
    She must have some interest since she contacted you and is still agreeing to spend time with you, but maybe she just wants to go slowly and get to know you all over again.

    Continue to have conversations and go out sometimes, but also spend time with your family and friends and try not to rush things or jump ahead thinking too seriously about her just yet.

    For now, just have fun spending time together.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Jan 10, 2015, 08:15 AM
    I think its your own agenda and what you want that's confusing and frustrating you and keeping you from enjoying the dating with a light heart and open mind. You may be convinced she is the one for you but I doubt she is so convinced of that though.

    Maybe you had history as kids/very young adults, but now you are at a different place and more mature(?) about life. No wonder she tires of hearing about the past and probably has her eyes forward. There is nothing confusing about that, or the facts she is interested enough to spend time and see where it goes but not so dumb as to just commit to you, or what you want at this time.

    Adjust your thinking and pay closer attention, because as you want things from her, you better find out what she wants of you. That's what the whole dating experience/EXPERIMENT is all about. Having fun learning each other and seeing if a future is possible, or even desirable.

    You just blew the hint of her tiring of the past talk, and let it frustrate you instead of adjusting your rap my friend. If you listen better you will learn more, and get facts instead of confused frustrating feelings mostly your own, and not from her. You are blowing your own OPPORTUNITY by your inability to listen, learn, and adjust.

    Make sense?
    confuseddd's Avatar
    confuseddd Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 11, 2015, 08:54 PM
    Thank you both very much for your advise when I really needed it.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #5

    Jan 12, 2015, 11:50 AM
    She's thinking about her FUTURE - and whether or not it might fit yours! What does your future look like? You are old enough to be getting serious about it.
    Women, after all, have baby clocks ticking.
    I'm only guessing, of course, but it's pretty common.
    Ask her out to lunch or dinner, and start communicating about real things. Friends, family, and a movie are fine for teenagers hanging out. You need to GET TO KNOW HER as an adult!

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