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SimplyMe078 · Sep 9, 2012, 08:40 AM

Im engaged and have been with my fiancé almost 7 years (off and on). But Im not sure I want to be with him. I have felt this way about about a yr and a half. Hes a good guy just don't know if he's meant to be my guy. We had a rough past and I think that plays a BIG part in why I feel the way I do We been through cheating,drugs, abuse, etc. We have 2 kids together.
And then...
I have a guy friend who I have known almost 9 years. He is in the army and stationed about 12hr (flying distance) from me. I have the feelings toward him that I feel guilty for having since I'm engaged. We know everything about each other and text/ talk all day every day. He means more to me now than he ever has.. I haven't seen him in 4 years.He tells me he has always been in love with me and only wants me happy with or without him. He has cheated on his previous wife (I knew each time). So Im not sure if the feelings I have toward him could ever work.. knowing his past.

I don't know how to handle this exactly. Should I let it go? Will it pass?

Either way Im not cheating on my fiancé but any advice would be GREAT!

talaniman · Sep 9, 2012, 09:17 AM

I don't know if you live with this boyfriend or not, but if you are then you are under a family type commitment even without being married which makes this other fellow a distraction. I think too after 7 years off and on, with two kids maybe the talk of the level of commitment should have already been set in stone or a path agreed on that you both are Committed too.

Define the commitment, and if there is none to be had to build on, then you have no rights to be exclusive, but the conversation has to be had without distraction, or outside influence just to be fair.

You would hardly be the first to be unhappy, or doubt your relationship, and see other people as better options. That's the nature of difficult times and wanting relief from hard decisions. Especially when that special friend says he loves you, and that's what we all love to hear, and it makes us hopeful,curious, and thrilled to death, but its also a great distraction to the facts of our lives.

I have found that sometimes its better to cut out those specialfriends and make decisions based on the facts at hand, and not just those intense feelings of the moment. This is between you and boyfriend, not you boy friend and potential boy friend so deal with baby daddy fully, and resist the distraction of what could be with another.

First things first!