Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
    ssecor1's Avatar
    ssecor1 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 8, 2005, 08:02 AM
    My girlfriend and I have been dating for little over a month now and everything has been wonderful up to yesturday. I got an email in the morning from her and she was her usuall playful self and very cheerful. As the day wore on she emailed me and explained to me that she is feeling overwhelmed and feeling entangled with everything and needs a breather. Mind you, we have been intimate together and yes emotions have been high. I honestly feel that the carpet was yanked out from underneath me and that I was blindsided by this. Her last words were "take care". She says she likes me and likes seeing me and having fun together, but can't handle the emotions right now and needs to get her bearings. She says that she needs a breather. What is a guy to do??

    Should I just simply chuck this one up to experience and move on? I really like her a lot and felt that she really likes me too. I can't get over the last statement, "take care" not I'll talk with you soon or talk with you later type of thing. :(
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member

    Sep 8, 2005, 09:14 AM
    This is really simple - it's called smothering!! You contacted this girl, I am sure, every day, 5 times a day. In the first few MONTHS of dating you shouldn't be calling her more than a couple times a WEEK!! If she calls more fine - BUT, don't always answer. You were TOO available to her - she needs a challenge - ALWAYS.

    PLUS MOST (not all) woman are eventually completely annoyed by e-mail and text. You can't e-mail her 5 times a day - never.

    LESS is MORE in communicating with a woman.

    GIVE HER SPACE NOW!! No contact for a least a month unless she contacts you. Stop now or lose her - don't do it.

    AND QUIT THE E-mails and Text. Only use the phone.

    It's simple - people want what they can't have. She enjoyed all you massive extra attention, but only for a short while - that attention turns into annoyance. See when a woman hasn't heard from for a couple days she 'wonders' and 'misses you' - you make her 'miss you' - that's what you need to do now - cut off the communications now.

    Don't blow this - you sound like a 'nice guy' - but don't contact. AND when she calls - don't answer - play a little hard to get.

    I have a feeling you've already blown this though. Usually when a woman 'pulls back' the unexperienced guys comes on EVEN STRONGER and she is then REPULSED by you. When she pulls back, YOU pull back even more.

    I know a lot of this doesn't make sense, BUT you need to learn about woman. THEY DO NOT think like men - they react on FEELINGS NOT LOGIC. You have crushed those feelings by coming on too strong.

    QUIT smothering her!! I have a friend who awesome with ladies - he'll see a lady for 10 months and only still call her twice a week - EVER DAY IS BAD for business. He gives her time to think about him - woman go crazy over him and can't get enough. LESS is MORE!!
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member

    Sep 8, 2005, 09:38 AM
    Also - it sounds like you made this lady your world.

    I advise early on in dating to date MORE than one woman - that way you don't put such an importance on ONE woman - AND for some really weird reason, if she knows you're seeing someone else - she wants you MORE - NOT less - you're a MORE valuable commodity - YOUR NOT a needy, desperate, WHIMP!! Dating more than one woman or looking for more than one woman keeps you from getting hurt.

    Woman don't want needy, smothering, always avaivable men.

    I know this doesn't make sense - but after you become exclusive/dating/boyfriend - girlfriend - then you can do a little more contacting.

    You need to learn that woman do not think like you one bit. I know a lot of this may not make sense right now - you think "oh she likes me" I need to contact Her! I need to be with her"!! NOPE - she needs space as well AND, Einstein - SHE MAY JUST BE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE AS WELL - it's called dating - you may not be #1, but you COULD move up to #1 - no big deal, but if you act like a needy, smothering whimp - YOU LOSE!!
    ssecor1's Avatar
    ssecor1 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 8, 2005, 09:53 AM
    Thanks for the advice, it makes a lot of sense. Thanks for replying.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member

    Sep 8, 2005, 01:32 PM
    ONLY way to fix this is to back off for a while. Don't call her. Let her come to you only for the next few months.
    justjamestx's Avatar
    justjamestx Posts: 42, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member

    Sep 8, 2005, 09:48 PM
    Something missing?
    Is there more information about your story,, is this woman dating a military guy that is overseas or married to one? After a month then nothing, just seems that either someone else was involved or she really questions dating you. Did the two of you have major religious difference,, or was she feeling bad for becoming intimate with you so soon.

    I agree with Wildcats suggestions, but I do wonder if there is more information that is missing to the story?

    As Wildcat suggest, just let it lay for a few months.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member

    Sep 9, 2005, 08:25 AM
    Another question: Did you share your feelings with this gal? See you can't tell them how you feel too soon - woman want mystery - They slowly need to unlock the key to your heart. Unfortunately, in the real world, reveling your feelings too soon WILL kil ALL attraction she has for you.

    Tell her how you feel the first few months is bad for business.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
    Ultra Member

    Sep 9, 2005, 10:48 AM
    The over contact by guys kill a relationship every time. You have to be busy - less contact is more - always.

    They have lives of their own, most single woman work and when your always in their face, well they don't have time for that.
    ahooper's Avatar
    ahooper Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 8, 2008, 04:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ssecor1
    Thanks for the advice, it makes a lot of sense. Thanks for replying.
    :o Hey I'm a woman,why not ask a woman? Well,he's kind of right but not all the way. I am in a relationship and I don't like to get smothered. I want him there when I want him there. When I need to talk,because I know he will listen. So,don't completely brush her off. Just let her know you are there if she needs you. Most likely you haven't blown it completely. You will be the one she calls even if you are her last resort. Chances are it wouldn't work out anyway. We just like to feel secure. So,don't bother her all the time,just a one time to let her know you are there,VIA e-mail...

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions


Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Check out some similar questions!

Confused about girlfriend... need help [ 9 Answers ]

I had been dating my girlfriend for about 3 and half years. My girlfriend is extremely attractive and I started to notice how much attention she was receiving whenever we went out to the bars or even the mall. I became very insecure and jeoulous.. I started constantly asking her "Who was she...

Help! Confused! [ 8 Answers ]

My friend had set me up on this blind date with this nice guy. Since that date, we have been on two more dates. Although there were awkard moments because we are just getting to know one another, I see possibilities between the two of us and was looking forward for his next call asking me out. My...

Confused [ 1 Answers ]

Hi, this forum has been very helpful but I am still not sure what is going on with me. I had a very light period on the 20th Dec which was right on my due date it lasted about 2 days and was very weird for me now 2 weeks later I seem to be spotting again my ovulation date was on the 3rd Jan we did...

Confused [ 4 Answers ]

I posted "feels promotion was robbed" last week, and I finally had the "discussion" to why I did not get selected for the Job. It still has me a little bewildered and distraught. I found out from the person who red flagged it and their reason why. What it basically came down to is she feels I need...

Confused [ 2 Answers ]

Where is my relationship with David leading to? Is there a relationship in the near future for me? What will happen with my career?

View more questions Search