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kramink_topalov · Aug 16, 2011, 08:47 PM

I met this girl in a "fair" about four years ago, but we didn't have much contact. In the last year, we started to get closer through the internet (she lives in another state) and eventually we were "in love". She had plans to move to a closer city (she had an opportunuty for work/study), and we planned to have a relationship after she did. But, before she moved, I started to feel depressed, for other reasons than her, and it affected her and she suddenly wasn't attracted to me anymore. She decided not to come and that she didn't want a relationship anymore, but wanted to remain as close friends. A month later, as I'm not depressed anymore, we realized that we were rushing in this relationship, but I stayed with my opinion that I wanted more than friendship, she said that she was feeling depressed now and didn't want to make any decisions. We haven't spoke about our situation since. Any tips?

hannah f · Aug 16, 2011, 10:12 PM

I think both of you should tell each other how you feel about each other. If you want something more then tell her. A girl likes the chase. And she likes to know that she feels wanted by the guy. Also ask her how she feels. Can you answer mine? I'm in a tough situation also. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/did-push-him-away-593179-new.html

talaniman · Aug 17, 2011, 06:35 PM

Keep it friends only, as you haven't shown you can be a reliable enough partner to up, and make such a HUGE move, or investment in. Internet love is seldom an indication of long term happiness, and as long as distance separates you, its not going to grow. Sorry.

Plus, that's what she wants.

agh1990 · Aug 30, 2011, 01:37 PM

Depression is something that I have some experience in, and this must have been a very difficult time for both of you.
Depression affects not ust the person suffering, but also the people around that person, as their behaviour can have a knock on effect without them even realising it.
When I suffered from depression, I was lucky enough to have a really supportive boyfriend who celebrated my highs with me and picked me up in my lows. I went to the doctor and got medication and, slowly but surely with the medication and counselling, got back on my feet.

I think that you both need to take the focus off your relationship and deal with the underlying issues that you obviously both have within yourselves. Depression can warp a persons perception, therefore it's a very bad idea to start up a relationship when one or both of your are depressed. Especially if you being together could cause a major upheaval in her life in terms of moving to a new state, as this could worsen her depression further.

Therefore, I think you need to advise her to go see her doctor and ask for help. If you are still suffering I suggest you do the same too. Only once you have each sorted out your own issues can you contemplate a relationship together.