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    likeag6's Avatar
    likeag6 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 28, 2011, 10:03 AM
    Complicated decision making ( career, family, love etc)
    I am very confused right now on what to choose?
    I am in my mid 20s, facing a big change in career move, relationship, family, house, income etc.
    In the last few months,there are the things happened to me:
    1. I bought a big house, I love it and I can't rent it out because it needs more work
    2. I fell in love with a guy in my current city( my first boyfriend)
    3. My company is moving to the other side of the country
    4. I got promoted to work in my company's headquarter in Europe, need to sign the contract soon!

    I don't know what to do at this point?
    Option A: Move to Europe, work as an expat for two years, meet new people, probably start dating new people?
    Option B: Stay in my current city, look for other job opportunities, so I can stay in my new house, be with my new boyfriend, and close to my family
    Option C: Move with my company to Up north, where in the middle of no where

    My boyfriend is still in school, no financial ability to move to Europe with me, I make a lot more money than he is but I want him to finish school here before he moves if he wants. He has strong family tie down here in the South, I don't know for sure if he will move even though he said he will but he is 3 years younger than me( I am 25, he is 22), I just feel he is not mature enough to make such a big decision!
    I am doing well at my age, I didn't make mistakes most young people have made, I want to be cautious on this vital decision making and seek all of your experience.!
    summer_girl's Avatar
    summer_girl Posts: 146, Reputation: 48
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Mar 28, 2011, 10:59 AM
    Can you find somebody to live in your house? It's not good for them to sit empty in case something happens like weather damage; also insurance companies can force you to pay a huge fee to keep insurance if the property is vacant for longer than 30 days. You would probably still need to arrange lawn care at least while you're gone.

    Is the promotion what you really want to do? Would you have to move across the country later anyway if you turned down the promotion? Do you think you can find another job in the area that you're in? Would you prefer a new place to this area and this house?

    I think you should decide where you want to work first, rather than think about the relationships, since you already bought a house. You need to figure out if you will stay or go. It will probably be expensive to sell the house if you just bought it, but you have to have a job to pay for it.

    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #3

    Mar 28, 2011, 11:06 AM

    Wow, with those options and opportunities, I would:

    Tell boyfriend I was going to Europe for two years and see id he can handle the distance until he can join you,

    AND

    See about getting the house done so it can be rented, or sold. Just hire a crew, or contractor.

    That's what I would do and if the boyfriend can't keep up, then you get one that can. Why should you be held up by the inadequacies of another at this exciting time of your life and pass on what maybe a one time opportunity.
    likeag6's Avatar
    likeag6 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Mar 28, 2011, 03:01 PM
    I agree with you!
    I work so hard for this promotion to happen!
    If he can't keep up then he is not the one, that's corret!
    Also, one thing, since I am very career oriented and ambitious, I don't know what kind of man I really want to date??
    See with this guy, I think he could be a good stay home sweetheart, he can do quite a lot- cleaning the house, cook, just work around the house etc. I could be the breadwinner! I actually do have this ability.I do feel like the MAN during this whole relationship.

    On the other hand, I also want to advance my career, I kind of want to date a man who has done that, be my mentor and share the same common goal and ambition with me. I dated a doctor before, but he wants me to stay home though, lol. I couldn't stand after the 3rd date... lol.

    I don't know what kind of man I want in life. I don't get chance to date around as I am abstinent ( which drives 90% of men away, and I am too busy with my career). How do I find out which man is the one I want to keep, or what do you think I should do?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Mar 28, 2011, 03:34 PM

    Just keep working hard for what you want, and enjoy dating, until you do know what you want in a life partner.

    There is no hurry, so just enjoy doing your own thing. When you find what you want, you'll know.
    jakester's Avatar
    jakester Posts: 582, Reputation: 165
    Senior Member
     
    #6

    Mar 28, 2011, 04:19 PM

    Likeag - OK, here's my thought and I'm going to be brutally honest.

    If I were your boyfriend and I came to this site and read your commentary about the decision you're faced with and how you are reflecting on your decision at is related to me, I would end our relationship.

    I think the first thing you need to do is have the integrity to part ways with the young man. Clearly, he does not meet your standards. People are not cars that you test drive and when you've had your fun, you return them to the dealer. The way you describe him makes me think that you care very little for him... almost like you think he's a child.

    If you don't know what kind of a man you want to be with, then don't enter long-term relationships with people when you are uncertain. I agree that it is OK to go on dates to see if a guy you meet has qualities that you find attractive; but stringing someone along until you have a plan that fits your goals and discarding the other person is hardly loving.

    If you are unsure of where I am getting that impression: "See with this guy, I think he could be a good stay home sweetheart, he can do quite a lot- cleaning the house, cook, just work around the house etc."

    If I were to replace any nouns associated with him with the word robot, I could reformat the sentence to read this way: "See with this robot, I think it could be a good stay home robot, it can do quite a lot- cleaning the house, cook, just work around the house etc." You talk about him like he's subservient and less-than. My gosh, are you kidding me?

    I sincerely hope that as you traverse your life of ambition that you learn what real love is along the way... people are not stepping stones for your life goals.

    I don't say this to be mean, but just to be honest.
    ironhide262's Avatar
    ironhide262 Posts: 277, Reputation: 243
    Full Member
     
    #7

    Mar 29, 2011, 11:20 AM
    Wow, Congrats on the promotion. Clearly, your career is the most important thing in your life right now. So, I say go for it.

    You don't mention the extent of your relationship with your boyfriend(how long you have been together( are you common law, future plans?) so, I will not accuse you of being easy come/easy go.

    As for the house... sell, fix it or get a house sitter.

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