I am from different country, have nothing here. Have been with my boyfriend about 1 1/2 years. Work in restaurant with him. He is the boss I am waitress. He is sweetheart. Help me in everything.

When he left a country for 2 weeks, that happened that I cheat on him with his cooker from restaurant. The thing is I get pregnant. I told him. He helped me to make insurance and make abortion. I regret this so much now. He hurting from me so much. I hate myself for what I did. But it was everything just because I was drunk, absolutely drunk. He trying to be nice, he hugging, kissing, having sex. I am very moody just after abortion , sometimes I get mad and we fight, I start for anything.

Couple days ago I figure out that he register in dating website about 1 week ago. I find him there and I saw he put that he is single and he looking for a girlfriend. I was pizzed. I said him. After I asked did you put any picture on it? He said no. it is 14 pictures so far now. I am hysterically crying. I don't know what to do. He said he did because he want to be safe and he didn't know if I will do that again. After that he said all women with whom I talking from Europe, I will never meet them.

But its hurt so much, my heart bleeding, I am so confused, crying all the time. I am sick and feel like a killer from abortion, also I feel so bad because I hurt the closest person to me, and I have nobody else here. I feel unwanted anymore , I feel not needed to nobody anymore. I am depressed, want to just drink whole pack of pills and die.

I lost everything for him in my life, come in this country, have nothing in my life, left even my family. I don't know what I do. How I will handle everything this? Don't need judge. Just help me. I am in the end of knife, jump or not.

Sorry you did not do this by "accident" you did not trip and fall naked together. You made choices that lead to this happening. You may want to consider moving on and finding a new boyfriend

You need to go home.
You aren't taking responsibility for your actions, from cheating to going through with an abortion you now regret.
You are putting too much weight on this man while he takes care of your mistakes.
You are expecting him to be faithful and true when you weren't.
You are full of remorse and regret instead of doing something about your life.
You are angry at this man you think you love, about the abortion he arranged, so you can't really love him now, and are just making things worse with him.
Go home to family and old friends for at least a year.

Mistake of your life , you better leave the place and go back to your family , you got nothing left over there , just a broken heart that all ,

If you were in the United States and so was your family, I would say go home to them for the love and support you need. But I don't know where your family is and what you would be going home to.

If you were in my country (U.S.), I would encourage you to get help through your doctor, and the social services network in your state county or province and slowly rebuild your life without him. Yes you made a mistake and the consequences are severe right now, but they can be overcome if you have a desire to do better and willing to work on yourself, by yourself. Yes its hard, and a tough road ahead, but that has to be better than sitting on the pity pot feeling sorry for your misfortune for making a drunken mistake. Not judging, but don't blame him for freaking out when he came back to this mess you made and did the best he could to fix things.

For now the wounds are fresh and you both have to let the dust of this very emotional fall out settle and the healing process can begin, and you will have a chance to make a choice how to proceed. Either alone, or apart. I think hurt and disappointment and anger are behind his actions as well, and that too is subject to change later.

Sorry for your difficulty, but it will get better as you heal, and rebuild, when you are stronger, and more capable. So my advice is to just recover and see how things work later. Enough mistakes have been made already, so quietly as you heal, get a better plan.