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    bigbird213's Avatar
    bigbird213 Posts: 681, Reputation: 110
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    #21

    Aug 11, 2007, 04:54 PM
    Thanks for the answers...

    She just called me again... from work, crying and freaking out.

    This is so very hard. She was begging me, actually begging me not to go. I don't really know why. Its ridiculous. She doesn't want me going to a campfire we may have, doesn't want me staying out very late, doesn't want me sleeping over, doesn't want me drinking.

    I feel like a monster for being angry with someone who is begging through tears, but I just can't keep giving in. I feel like I'm letting her control me if I do that. Am I right?
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #22

    Aug 11, 2007, 05:04 PM
    She obviously has issues when it comes to drinking. You mention her family history ; she no doubt has or had relatives who drank uncontrollably and became violent and abusive when they did, so she's probably afraid of seeing anyone drink. Continue to try and assure her that you only drink occasionally and never to excess. If she cannot tolerate that then you may have to decide that this one isn't going to work out and move on.
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
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    #23

    Aug 11, 2007, 05:05 PM
    The girlfriend has some serious issues. I would not let her control my life. 1. She may be really fearful that you may get drunk and get killed. 2. this may just be her way of getting you to do what she wants, some control freaks will resort to anything to get their way. After all they know what is best for everyone esp. their mate. I would tell her I would call her and let her know I was OK, but I was still going.
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
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    #24

    Aug 11, 2007, 05:07 PM
    I have read all these comments and your OP.
    I personally don't drink at all, but I always think that is an individual choice I make.
    Trying to change someone into what you expect is not always working.
    If she doesn't like someone who drinks, then she shouldn't start dating you. SHe started this relationship while be controlling. That is not fair on you.
    I can see you have comprised some with her, she seems like a controlling person. You said she was crying and freaking out, begging you and she also doesn't want you to go to the campfire. That is a little bit too much.
    Try to talk to her, at least for the campfire part.;)
    Or invite her to come as well, what kind of person she is anyway? Does she get along with most people?
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #25

    Aug 11, 2007, 05:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bigbird213
    Highlights from the phone conversation i just had:

    "Your nothing to me"
    "I hope to God you get arrested"
    "If you were lying on the curb, I'd drive right by"
    "Your the dumbest sh*t i know"
    "Your worthless"

    ....I dont deserve this, even if she was angry
    No, you don't. This is verbal and emotional abuse, plain and simple. I'd dump her a$$ like a hot potato and that'd be the end of that!
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
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    #26

    Aug 12, 2007, 04:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by bigbird213
    Thanks for the answers...

    She just called me again...from work, crying and freaking out.

    This is so very hard. She was begging me, actually begging me not to go. I dont really know why. Its rediculous. She doesnt want me going to a campfire we may have, doesnt want me staying out very late, doesnt want me sleeping over, doesnt want me drinking.

    I feel like a monster for being angry with someone who is begging through tears, but I just can't keep giving in. I feel like im letting her control me if i do that. Am I right?
    Absolutely. She is a control freak! These are typical weapons of a control freak and she is using them to the fullest.

    Tell her to get help, that you see through her game, and see what she does.

    Get back with us.

    Manipulation and control is what she feeds on and it angers me to no end.
    bigbird213's Avatar
    bigbird213 Posts: 681, Reputation: 110
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    #27

    Aug 12, 2007, 10:17 AM
    Just an update as to how the night went...

    I was out late, she was waiting up for me. Calling me every 20 minutes when I was with my friends because she "couldnt sleep because she was so worried about me". She told me she wasn't going to bed until I was home, and I told her that was her choice. I wasn't letting her guilt me into coming in early on one of the few nights I get out with my friends.

    I'll admit that I screwed up at the end of the night. She was really getting me angry, so when we got back to my friends house, I didn't go immediately home, I hung out and had a snack for about 30 minutes. This made her angry and I sort of understood this morning. I apologized for that, but also told her it was her choice to wait up for me.

    Well, she told me that she "learned a lot" about me last night, and she has "made a decision". She is not talking to me now, and I guess she has broken up with me. I sent the apology, and her only response was "okay". I'm not sure where we stand. Maybe she will come around.

    I don't feel like I really did that much wrong, but I'm not going to beg her to talk to me. I feel bad and starting to feel like its my fault... thats probably exactly what she wants.
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
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    #28

    Aug 12, 2007, 10:23 AM
    You are playing into what she wants. The screaming, crying and begging did not get her the results, so now she will punish you by acting like a child and not talking to you. So maybe at the end of the night you stayed a bit longer. My God you had been tormented from the sounds of it you needed to chill a bit. Think about it. Does she have to be in charge of everything? Or is it just that she wants you constantly by her side? How old are you two?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,290, Reputation: 10853
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    #29

    Aug 12, 2007, 12:43 PM
    She has some real deep seated issues, and don't let her guilt trip you. Let her stew in her own juices, and you have a good time. She'll get over it or get gone. Either way you don't have to be put in this position.
    bigbird213's Avatar
    bigbird213 Posts: 681, Reputation: 110
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    #30

    Aug 12, 2007, 01:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bushg
    My God you had been tormented from the sounds of it you needed to chill a bit. Think about it. Does she have to be in charge of everything? Or is it just that she wants you constantly by her side? How old are you two?

    I agree 100%. I think I just want to get out for a while once in a while, which isn't unreasonable, but in her mind it is.. I don't really get it.

    We are both 21, and I have told her that she needs to grow up because she is acting immature, and the response is always that I am the immature one for going out and drinking since I can't have a good time any other way (I disagree). She's trying to act too much like a mom and not enough like a girlfriend.

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