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FancyNancyDance · Sep 15, 2011, 12:00 AM

My fiancŽ has been friends with a girl from college for quite some time now. I live in California and he's in TX, so we've done the long-distance thing thus far. He mentioned to me that he has a female friend here in Cali, and that they were close in college. I never paid it much mind. I asked him recently if he still spoke with her and he stated, "Only when she calls me, I pick up. Maybe once a month?" I took his word for it. I came across his Blackberry one night and noticed that he had gone out of his way to delete all of her messages (which were about a dozen). Furious, I checked his phone bill to see that he called her 1.) late at night, for hours at at time; 2.) at all hours of the day / night; 3.) texted her constatnly; and 4.) it was HIM taking the initiative, not her. I called her to find out what the deal was, because if it was beyond what I assumed, then I would simply walk away. She said they were "just friends" and felt the need to reiterate that it was him calling her. He swears it was a platonic friendship, but I question.. Why call her at midnight and talk until 2am, and not your fiancŽ?

tickle · Sep 15, 2011, 06:50 AM

The greened eyed monster got the better of you and you broke trust by checking his blackberry, not a good sign for a committed relationship, fancy.

You will have to take her word for it and believe they are just friends. You are engaged after all, that should be enough for you. You can start carry on a permanent relationship like this not trusting.

I could not tell you why he called her at midnight, maybe he just had to talk to someone, it doesn't necessarily have to be you.

If you believe he is cheating at this point, then there is no reason to carry on with your relationship, plain and simple. Weigh your options, if you truly love him and want to marry him, do away with the immature attitude and approach it with maturity; it is your best bet.

Tick

JoeCanada76 · Sep 15, 2011, 07:05 AM

How long have you known this person for?

Your engaged but living in separate states. How long have you been long distance for or have you been long distance all the time.

It is really difficult to continue a long distance relationship there are extra strains on this type of relationship then actually truly being together.

As far as the timing of the phone calls does not mean a thing really.

It is up to you where you want to go from here. Is there any plans on you guys coming together at some point. Is there any idea how long this long distance thing is supposed to last.

There could be more questions but I hope you know where I am going with this.

talaniman · Sep 15, 2011, 05:41 PM

You obviously didn't trust him, nor does he trust you with the truth. If you can't at least talk and be honest, both of you, then I doubt this works very much longer.

Talk honestly to each other, or what's the point?

ITstudent2006 · Sep 15, 2011, 07:08 PM

You broke his trust with no reason to do so other than your own insecurities. He is allowed to have friends. He is allowed to have friends that are girls. He can call them. Sometimes all we have is friends to listen to laugh at things others wouldn't. You may or may not have blown this way out of proportion, what you do now will decide that.

Of course, if he is cheating I am not condoning that. The reason I come across as blunt is because you didn't have any proof of him cheating. No racy texts (or you would have mentioned it), no sexy voicemails, emails, FB messages, etc...

Communication is key to a healthy relationship. Both far and close. If you can't communicate your worries with the man you're going to marry, then why are you with him? Same with him. If he does feel like he can't talk to you so he talks to her instead, that may be an indication that this may not be worth the hassle.

vanheart · Sep 15, 2011, 10:17 PM

You got into this long distance thing without trust.

That's the first thing you'll need. Way more.

How about talking about getting together, the real plan. When? What's the date?

Came across his Blackberry, c'mon. That's not good.

The fact that he hid it from you isn't kosher, either. I kind of question it too, especially the late night stuff. May be just a friend. I have lots of women friends. But. That may be your insecurity. Let it go. Suck it up. You don't have proof of cheating.

I think I would be kind of bent too if my girlfriend would rather chat with some guy, then me.
But LDs, can screw with your head.

Are you both ready to be engaged?

LDs require more work. Skype it out. Talk more.

If this girl is just a friend, then you have nothing to worry about.

You will find out soon enough. Face to face or not.

When are going to be together finally?