Last Sunday my ex Girlfriend of 4 and a half years dumped me over the phone.
The next day she came over to finish it off, and before leaving she kissed me very passionately.
She has sworn that there is no-one else and I believe her, we had a lot of trust in our relationship, we were closer than any other couple I know. She said she can't even think about seeing another guy at the moment, but she wasn't going to change her mind about us.
When I asked her was there any chance of us ever, she just said 'I don't know, maybe in the future but definitely not now.'

She has started uni a month ago and she says she's been having doubts about us for about a month (coincidence) so I think that all the changes going on are freaking her out. She's definitely been a little different with me for a few weeks, but still very passionate in every way, and very loving towards me. Surely you can't lose those feelings overnight? Or pretend to have them for a month?

She said that I am her best friend and the reason that we split up is because she doesn't love me in 'That way' anymore, even though the kiss didn't really match up with that statement.
She desperately wanted to be friends but after about 3 days I said I couldn't handle it because it would hurt me too much.
I basically said thank you for the best four years of my life, goodbye, now I haven't talked to her in 2 days and it's really hard because for four years we talked on the phone every night.
Am I doing the right thing? I know I need to move on but I want there to be a chance of us in the future, because I truly feel she is 'The One' I just think she's confused. Plus I don't want her to realise this a year down the line if I'm over her by then. I think she just desperately wants a bit of freedom.

Plus she still said 'I love You' at the end of every phone conversation before we stopped talking.
It just seems like she's fine with it all and I'm totally destroyed by this. I have cried every day since.

Any advise would be great

Breaking up after four years is going to be rough at best to downright miserable. She apparently felt either overwhelmed with going to school and trying to hold your relationship together or she is going through some really rough times emotionally. There is really not much you can do except move on. Loving a person and wanting to spend the rest of your live with them are two totally different things. I love my brother, but generally have a very hard time being around him for more than a couple of hours at a time. See what I mean?

Thanks for the advice.

Thing is she was really upset when I said we shouldn't be friends, I don't know If she did that just so she could feel less guilty but If I know her at all, I know she is genuinely going to really miss having me around. She even said after we broke up that I was the perfect boyfriend, and was still attracted to me. I guess I'm just making excuses

Once they say "I don't love you in that way," then it is over. Now it is time for you to take charge of your life. I was in EXACTLY the same boat two months ago. It is going to be hard man, I can garauntee that. But, what I would do if I could do it all over, is just leave her alone. Don't try and contact her, talk her out of it, or anything. Prove to yourself that you can do this and live without her. The ONLY way you can heal from this is if you cut all contact NOW. I mean all contact. Everything that reminds you of her needs to go. Take this time to heal for yourself. It is going to be a while. Don't think that by talking to her or seeing her it will relieve the pain, cause it won't. As a matter of fact, it will hurt more. Be strong and if at any time you feel hurt come on here for advice.

Time to man - up! You can do it. There is nothing you can do to change her mind... and you have to understand that. Only she can control the way she feels about you. Once you accept that, you can start to rebuild your life.

I was with someone for three years. We grew apart, and I had met someone else. I told him I loved him after the break-up. I honestly think I was telling him that because I felt bad and guilty. I should have never said it those last couple of times because it just makes it hurtful and confusing for them.

Thanks guys, I already knew the answer I guess. Just got to deal with it. Lifes got a tendency to kick you in the arse sometimes.

You made the right choice about not talking to her right now. I would also take any thoughts about you guys getting back together (now or in the future) out of your brain. You need to start the moving on process now!!

She was think about this for a while. You just didn't see the signs. She is starting her new life at school, so you need to do the same. At least she was up front and honest with you from the start and didn't string you along with false hope, like what happened to me.

Do not do the friends thing right now, just do things for yourself!

Do not wait for her to figure out her confusion because she won't! You must now start your new life with out her. Get yourself around family and friends and talk about it to get your feelings out. Keep yourself busy and your mind occupied with other things.

Remove anything that reminds you of her and either trash them or store them away some where not easily accessible. You have to do this with the belief you will never see or speak to her again... because if you don't you will make it that much harder.

Come on to this site and talk to the other people who are in the same boat you are (me included) as often as you think you need to.

The first few weeks are the hardest, but after you start doing things for yourself, you will find that you think about her a little less and start to live your own life.

You will get through this, and with time you will get stronger and be ready for the next girl that comes along. Take this relationship and use what you learned from it on your next one, because there will be a next one TRUST ME.

BUT don't go on thinking that there will be any hope for you getting back together in the future, because chances are there won't be!

Sorry man... but I know how you feel. Take a look at my post.

Seemed like we'd been through so much together that nothing would tear it apart. We grew up together, the part that hurts the most is that I still feel the same as I always did, and can't handle the thought of her not feeling the same way.
She came over 2 days before we broke up, and it seemed like the most perfect day. Now that I look back on it, it was probably designed that way so she could leave it on a happy note.
Just got to try keep myself busy now

Yep, stay busy and out of her life. It was her choice to end, it's your choice to move forward, don't waste time analyzing the relationship and where exactly it went wrong. That is a waste because you can never be sure of someone else and you will spend days/weeks trying to figure it all out.

Just to add, does no one break up face to face anymore? I mean all I hear about it "myspace, facebook, AIM, text and phone"

Pretty classy isn't it? My break up happened via text... are you kidding me? We had been together for nearly 5 years.

Yep, I fell victim to the text crap too... 2 1/2 years. She told my cousin she was ending it before she told me, how classy huh

I'm going to start a topic and see just how many people found out it was over through a text and stuff.

Yes, keep busy. That's the only thing you can do right now to cope.

Your situation sounds kind of like mine. When I met my ex, she was young (18) and I was older (22). Like you everything seemed perfect, but there were warning signs half way through that I should have picked up on, but didn't. As she grew her feelings for me changed and mine feelings for her didn't. In the end I was devastated.

I realize now that at this point in our lives we are all growing. As you grow things change. You experience new things, new feelings, gain new knowledge. Sometimes this growth separates people, sometimes it doesn't. As you grow your feelings for things change as well. These changes eventually contribute to who we are as adults and allow us to make wiser choices.

She didn't leave you because you did something wrong. She left because as she grew here feelings about you changed. There is nothing you can do about that and it sucks. The only thing you can do now is grow yourself and become a better stronger person from this experience.

I know, she's a really nice girl. Always been good to me. Couldn't believe she did it over the phone.
I've been keeping busy, I do work experience as an audio engineer at BBC, they've been really good to me.
She said that she really wanted me to carry on with all that because I did it all off my own back, but I just felt like she was the foundation of it all. I know what I have to do now, just need to let it all out. I'm kind of borderline between being upset and pissed off. But I guess she's actually done it in the nicest way, apart from the whole over the phone thing.

You are going to go through this process of anger and sadness. It is apart of the whole break up deal. It will pass. You are your own person and can do anything you want... you don't need her, and you never did. Remember that. Too many people forget that when they are dumped...

How long before you guys started seeing other people? Cause I actually feel sick thinking about that!

I am not there yet, and I am not the type of guy to force it. I just try to enjoy whoever I am around. Don't worry about that. You take as long as you need to... as long as you are healing then it is all right. People too often worry about falling back in love quickly, as if they need someone with them at all times. That is complete garbage. Just enjoy yourself for awhile and when the time is right you will know it.

I have not started seeing other people yet. You shouldn't think about that right now. Take everything one step at a time. You will know when the time is right when you can start seeing others.

Just worry about yourself right now.

I guess I'm just afraid of being alone. My situation is that I actually know nobody where I live, I usually make friends quickly, but cause I had my girlfriend, I could just pick up the phone and not feel any sort of alone feeling, but that's kind of creeping up on me now. Guess I got to start making friends, Thanks all you guys

Take her off that pedestal, and learn to love yourself, for who you are, and being good to yourself. As the healing starts with you embracing your new freedom, and building on it, and being happy with your life.

There is a big world out there, you probably haven't been pay attention to.

You are not as alone, as you think you are. Just look around you.