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shizukaninagasu · Feb 5, 2011, 01:58 PM

I broke up with my ex about 9 months ago. As time went on, I realized that three crucial things:
1)My reason for breaking up was not thought through and clear-cut
2)The problems behind the reasons could have been dealt with using a little courage and ingenuity
3)I love him and still believe today that we have potential.
Currently, we are still friends, (we still talk to each other willingly, he's gone to some of my shows, etc.) but only recently did these feelings resurface. I'm considering asking him about renewing our dating relationship again, but I'm not sure how to do it, and if it's really the best thing for us. How should I determine this?

DoulaLC · Feb 5, 2011, 02:05 PM

What has changed in the 9 months that makes you believe things will be different? I guess it would depend on your reasons for ending it in the first place. If nothing has changed, don't expect the relationship to be any different then it was before. Would you be happy with that?

If you truly think it is worth trying again, maybe consider dating casually and find out. You don't have to jump right back into an exclusive relationship. Ask him to a movie or out to dinner. Spend time getting to know him again and see if it really is something you want to rekindle and if he feels the same.

You may find it would be a good idea and you both feel the same way, or you may find he is better as just a really good friend.

jakester · Feb 5, 2011, 03:02 PM

Well, I hear you saying two things:

1) I'm not sure if it is the best thing for us to be together again
2) How do I go about renewing our relationship again?

Listen, if you aren't sure whether it's the best thing, then perhaps it's not right to go down that road again. You have your reasons for being tentative? What are they? What were you reasons for ending it before?

Secondly, I agree with Doula. Perhaps you don't do anything to press the matter of a relationship but simply spend time with him that allows you the freedom to just be together without the pressure of knowing where it's going. Go for coffee... it's just coffee. Go see a movie... it's just a movie. Your time together need not be defined as anything but two old friends reacquainting once again. I'm certain that the new feelings are there because you could be slowly building something again but are not strong enough that you unquestionably want to start a relationship again. So, don't force it, just let things happen organically.

talaniman · Feb 5, 2011, 09:32 PM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to DoulaLC again.

Seems to me you are both happy with talking, and being friends, so what's the hurry to change what works, to go back to what didn't?