Hello,

Its been awhile since I was on this forum. I look back at my questions and I now see this was one drawn out problem for a year almost. Well it's the same girl as in my previous questions.

We were doing well but she got mad at me for falling asleep when I said I would help cook the vegetables for dinner. I was waiting for her brother to finish cleaning up the kitchen and I fell asleep which is my fault and I apologize for it and try to make it up to her by cooking dinner for the next few days. But she was still unhappy and she brought up the issues of her not knowing if she loves me as a friend or boyfriend.

So we had a talk and I told her why can't we talk and work things out we have been together for 3 years. She just said she wasn't sure she was feeling that spark anymore, I tried to tell her since we have been together this long its time to make a choice to love or to not to and move on. But she just didn't understand the idea of making that choice but she didn't want to break up either. So I just decided to end it because I can't commit to someone that can't decide to commit to me after 3 years.

The very next day she talks to me and says she doesn't want to break up and to give her another chance and she was remembering all the good things and she wants to keep at it. So I say OK but that she needs to have some commitment to me that when we fight we need to talk and work it out not just jump straight to thinking about breaking up. She agrees.

A few days later she tells me about a guy she met at school and how great he is. She even posted on Facebook about thanking God for sending her support at school. I already knew she was talking about this guy but I decide to test her and ask if she could share with me what god is supporting her with. She couldn't tell me right away and finally after awhile she said it was that guy, that they have only met for 3 days but she feels like she know him forever and that they are already good friends. So these things came up as red flags for me. I ended up checking her texts and find that they have been texting in a flirting matter.

I confronted her about it and she tells me yes she likes the guy but she wasn't going to act on it just to throw away what we had for 3 years. So I tell her then you need to draw the line between friend and more, I tell her think about what your intent is before you do or say something to him. She doesn't say a word. So I leave her alone and talk to her the next day. We talk again about how she doesn't want to leave me but she is confused rather she loves me as a friend or boyfriend.

So finally I just tell her its not fair for me to be committed to our relationship while she is semi-commited because we have talked about getting married after she is done with school which is in 3 years, she is 26 in chiropactor school. That if after 3 years she is still unsure then where does that leave our relationship? So I told her its not fair for both of us to waste 3 years if we are not committed so we broke up.

But now it feels like I am the one that got broken up with since I believe she is starting a relationship with this new guy she met at school or she is planning on it.

I don't know I feel like I want to get her back but I am not sure if she wants to get back together. She tells a mutual friend that she misses me like there is a hole in her heart. I don't know I guess I just need some time to cool off before I try to contact her. Since I am the one who broke up with her I should contact her? Or wait for her? I feel like she wanted to see if anything could happen with this new guy but have me as a safety net but that is my bad thoughts and I have no proof.

It has been a long time guy, and we have been telling you for a long time how to best deal with your feelings, and how to deal with this female. Sooner or later you will have to admit your way doesn't work for the long term, and take a few simple directions.

You have been mighty reluctant in the past to do that, so here we go again, hey? Leave her alone, since you just had to meet the guy, and see who he is instead of drawing the line in the sand. But I know you never thought of that since you were so wrapped up in commitment with someone, who wasn't as committed as you are, and is reluctant to commit.

That's why you leave her alone, and should have done so a long time ago.

Yes, I have been trying hard not to contact her at all, I did mess up and text her a few times which she texted me back about wanting to return some stuff to me personally. I did the right thing though and told her its best we have no contact and to give the stuff to a mutual friend. Its been less than a week that I have not seen, talked or texted her and it feels like an eternity.

It will be one week after today, since the break up and I have stuck to the no contact rule for 4 days. I did see her at church last night, but she was in a room and we spotted each other through the door. I just tried to smile and walked away as fast as I could. It tough guys, and I keep telling myself to stop analyzing the relationship. What's done is done, just look to the future, for yourself.

Day 8 since the breakup. Seems like 8 months. Saw her again at church today. Avoided her and tried to talk to friends while she was not around. Her brother comes up to me and says "You came back, seems like you been gone forever." Guess he still doesn't know we broke up.

I think I realized how ridiculous of me to think we were just going through a break and that we would get back together after this trail time. Guess its another step towards the healing process.

Day 10 since the breakup. I really miss her. In my heart I really want to talk to her to try and get back together. But I not sure if this is the right thing to do. I know I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to. I can tell her all I want about how I will be committed and work at our relationship but I don't think that will sway her in anyway. I think I just feel like we still have hope because she kept telling me that she didn't want to break up and was confused about her feelings for me. I don't know, what should I do?

How have you been doing? It's been a long time since you spoke on your situation.

I'm browsing for situations similar to mine... I feel like I might have the same emotions going through me as your girlfriend. I care about my girlfriend of a year, but she's moving to New York, and I'm in Colorado. I care for her, I really do, but I don't feel the spark, and I don't know what I' am looking for since this girl was damn near perfect...

I hope all ended well for you man.