So I have this issue that I need to talk about, and get your opinions. I guess I already know what most of you all will say, but here it goes.

I was in a great relationship in the later years of college with this girl. We were really close, spent a lot of time together but didn't live together per-se. I would stay at her parents house once and a while during the week cause I was commuting to school and it was much closer. ~3 years into the relationship, her parents were out of town for most of the summer and we were "living together". She is a teacher during the school year, and worked at a camp during the summer. Well long story short, she was spending more and more time with her camp friends and less time with me, leaving me feeling jealous (fear of losing her affection, fear of her cheating although she never had or would). At the end of the summer we broke up because of my jealous feelings. We went back and forth through text for a week, ended up doing NC for a bit but she started texting me after a month or so. We eventually got back together in October, went to couples therapy to sort through the issues.

Everything was fine at this point. I was living with some buddies of mine, while she lived at home with her parents. We had teetered on the idea of living together, and ended up moving in of March 2012 because the relationship was really good again. Everything was fine, but again, she was working a different summer job that I was jealous/threatened by. Her parents ran a martial arts summer camp, where she had to go up for a few weeks at a time. When she got home she was totally displaced. I had expressed how I missed her and whatever, and she kind of brushed it off like "what do you want me to do". I was just really threatened by her absence. Anyway, 2 years later, during the same month, we break up again. She left me a note and took our rabbit while I was at work one day.

The note read to the tune of, "this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know we arent right for eachother. We both have issues that will probably never be fixed. You have my best friend for over 5 years. I love you so much, but this is what I have to do. I will be moving out on Monday."

Monday comes, and sure enough she moves out of our apartment. She took most of her stuff, left some stuff, took some of my stuff. Anyway, we were texting somewhat during this time. Stuff like, "you left a box of stuff here. can you come over and leave they key. Your still on hook for rent cause you signed the lease. ect"

I have been online reading others stories, and everyone says NC. During the last break up I did the same thing, NC. So I start the painful process of NC. I delete her pictures on Facebook, and unfriend her. She texts me later asking why I defriended her. I told her I don't want to be tempted to see how she's doing. I found myself still going to her Facebook page to see her face, so I ended up deleting Facebook all together (I had been on the fence about it for a while, not just because of her. FB is just a waste of time really). A few days later (today) I haven't heard from her.

I love her to death, and I see the error of my ways. In both instances of break up, I was controlling. Controlling because of some insecurity I had that she would leave me. It was just a downward spiral, self fulfilling prophecy. I was an idiot for pushing her away with my neediness and jealousy. I guess in my mind, living together meant you would spend a lot more time together, and work as a team for each other. She was a factror too though, as she was really bad at communication and listening to my feelings. So right now, I am doing the whole NC, go the gym, work on myself, meet other women thing. I have good days and bad days. Today is a BAD day. I woke up almost in tears, most likely from a bad dream. We had our good times, but had these lingering issues. It is very important to know that we had more good times then not.

Anyway, deep in my mind I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, in a few months we will talk like we did the first time and get back together. On the other hand, it's the same scenario as before, so I have come to the realization that its over forever. Either way I need to work on my jealousy/anger/control issues for my own well being, but I miss her dearly and am having a really hard time with the fact that its most likely over forever.

Thanks for listening.

As a side note, we were working through our issues, although not very fast since she was never around during the summer. We had talked about marriage, talked about getting a dog, talked about big life plans. I was starting to save up for a ring. Utterly floored by this.