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Dezni101 · Jul 26, 2015, 06:44 PM

Long story short I dated somebody for almost 6 years and throughout our relationship I caught him talking to other girls behind my back but I was stupid and stayed I love him so much that after I caught him the last time a few weeks ago I was willing to try again. After a week of trying he said he'd rather take a break. He doesn't try to contact me at all, if we only talk it's because of me and he says that he enjoys being single for once and that he isn't looking for anybody he just wants to enjoy this single life. I started no contact the other day but I'm wondering if I should let him know that I want to close the door completely because he says we may get together later in life maybe. I don't want to move on with somebody else and risk him coming back and ruining it so what should I do?

Wondergirl · Jul 26, 2015, 06:53 PM

If you contact him, you're not letting go. By NOT contacting him, you're saying NO MORE. GOODBYE. THE DOOR IS CLOSED.

Do No Contact. Period. It's over.

smoothy · Jul 26, 2015, 09:42 PM

There is a huge difference between talking to people of the opposite sex... and fooling around with other people of the opposite sex.

I for example am a married man... I talk with lots of women, Wondergirl being only one of several on this site alone.

However nothing improper takes place.

I felt a NEED to say this because there ARE women paranoid enough they freak out if the guy they are dating really does just talk to any other female other than their own mother or sister... and that's just wrong, we see enough here doing exactly that we can not assume anything.

My wife doesn't spaz out. Because she knows the difference.

And all you did say he was doing was talking... at no point was anything improper mentioned, or verified.

Dezni101 · Jul 27, 2015, 12:07 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

There is a huge difference between talking to people of the opposite sex... and fooling around with other people of the opposite sex.

I for example am a married man... I talk with lots of women, Wondergirl being only one of several on this site alone.

However nothing improper takes place.

I felt a NEED to say this because there ARE women paranoid enough they freak out if the guy they are dating really does just talk to any other female other than their own mother or sister... and that's just wrong, we see enough here doing exactly that we can not assume anything.

My wife doesn't spaz out. Because she knows the difference.

And all you did say he was doing was talking... at no point was anything improper mentioned, or verified.

I shuld have probably elaborated that he was having sex with at least one of them behind my back and he was talking to everyone of them like he was in a relationship telling them he loved them because I read the messages myself

Fr_Chuck · Jul 27, 2015, 03:28 AM

NO, breakup where everyone talks and say good bye is in the movies. He has already said he wants to be free. So just let him be free.

You need to stop and do not contact him.

Delete his Facebook of other social media. (and do not look at what he is doing)
Do not read or answer any text he may send.

Just stop and do not contact him. That tells him all he needs to know.

Jake2008 · Jul 27, 2015, 05:38 AM

He is saying he wants to be single, and enjoy a single life. He was breaking up with you in the kindest way possible.

You contacting him to tell him that YOU won't consider opening the door to resuming a relationship with him, is a moot point. He has already broken up with you. I suspect that this is your way of forcing his hand and hoping he will come back if he thinks he's lost you forever.

These kinds of games never work out.

Try to maintain what dignity you have left, and stop contacting him. The relationship is over. He was not good friendship material, let alone boyfriend material, and clearly you see he would rather play the field. He is actually doing you a favour in what should have been your decision to break up in the first place, because of his cheating.

Move on.

joypulv · Jul 27, 2015, 05:53 AM

Agreed! You are the only one who doesn't realize that you are just fooling yourself with wishful thinking that he 'might come back and ruin it.' The odds are one in a million, and if he did, he can't ruin anything you don't want ruined.
Every single day people are on this site saying that they drove someone away with their anger and jealousy, and wish they could undo it. You can't.
Of course I don't think any one of us here thinks it would be a good idea in your case anyway. Why would you want this guy? (I know why - it's because you yearn for him to love only you without fooling around - and that's a really lousy reason because it's just not going to happen...)

talaniman · Jul 27, 2015, 05:55 AM

When you get cheated on repeatedly and break up (GOOD) it really is time to move on, and cut all, and any contact with the ex, and stop worrying about the "what if's" in the future.

If you stop all contact NOW, then it won't matter what he does in the future because you will be stronger and wiser and won't fall for his crap anymore, or let him screw with your mind and heart ever again.

Tell him nothing, just disappear from his life. Start complete NO CONTACT yesterday, and don't look back. That's the best way to get your dignity, and self respect back, and get on a better path of good orderly direction, with actions and not just words, to stop humiliating yourself.

Oliver2011 · Jul 27, 2015, 06:14 AM

You really need to set your standards a little higher. He didn’t deserve you and he doesn’t deserve you. Cheaters cheat, that’s why we call them cheaters. Not only should you close the door, you should slam it shut and then deadbolt it locked. It’s tough to do when it someone you love or did love. But it’s the best thing for you in the long run. A life with him would have been a life of not trusting your partner, and that’s no way to live. And one day he will be the one with regrets. Not you.

Wondergirl · Jul 27, 2015, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Dezni101

he was in a relationship telling them he loved them because I read the messages myself

So you were snooping? WHY would you want this guy in your life -- and why would he want you in his?

Dezni101 · Jul 27, 2015, 08:29 AM

It's a difference in snooping when the girl sends you screenshots of the messages that he sent to her. Maybe you should ask?and I also feel like if you're going to be rude about the question then you shouldn't answer.

smoothy · Jul 27, 2015, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by Dezni101

It's a difference in snooping when the girl sends you screenshots of the messages that he sent to her. Maybe you should ask?and I also feel like if you're going to be rude about the question then you shouldn't answer.

Um... the only rude answer I've seen was yours. (Site rules prohibit you from dictating who can answer and how)

Every answer I have seen before your last post was valid and appropriate based on the information you have provided.

Wondergirl · Jul 27, 2015, 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by Dezni101

It's a difference in snooping when the girl sends you screenshots of the messages that he sent to her. Maybe you should ask?and I also feel like if you're going to be rude about the question then you shouldn't answer.

You left it wide open as to how you happened to read the messages. Since you didn't trust him, the conclusion would be.... Plus, you posted, "I caught him" twice.

joypulv · Jul 27, 2015, 08:44 AM

No one is being rude. You started your question with a very innocent statement that he was 'talking to other girls' behind your back.
That is such a far cry from sleeping with them and professing love to them that it makes it hard to know what to believe!
All moot now - done is done.

Dezni101 · Jul 27, 2015, 09:03 AM

Why am I going back and forth with people I don't even know on the Internet? I put a situation and asked for opinions on whether I should tell him I'm closing the door. I didn't ask anything else. Thank you to the people who were genuinely trying to help instead of saying that he shouldn't want me because of something you concluded on your own!

Oliver2011 · Jul 27, 2015, 09:05 AM

Close the door without telling him. There's no reason to communicate with him now. It will hurt, yes, but it's the best thing for your future.