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    youtooqt's Avatar
    youtooqt Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 16, 2006, 09:20 PM
    On A Break
    Hi... I recently asked to have a break with my boyfriend of nine and a half months and I'm not sure what else to do. I asked for a break because I noticed more and more things he did really angered me and it bothered me to think the more time we spent with each other, the more we really didn't get along with each other, and that scared me because you would think more time together would be beneficial for both people, but it ended up not being that way for us. Now he's angry which is understandable, and I don't feel good either, but the thing I wanted to do the most was stay true to myself, and my feelings and be honest with him. I don't want to keep on kissing him or hugging him when I don't feel all right about him or pretend like everything is okay when it isn't. I'm not sure if I did the right thing now... but I want to be honest to the both of us... I don't want to break up, but I want time to think about whether this is the best relationship for both of us. Has anyone ever done this before, and how did you handle it? I don't want to date anybody else or anything during the break, I just want to have time to seriously consider my feelings for him. He says he was so happy with me, but there are two people in this relationship and I'm not happy, and it should be mutual I believe, but do you guys think that this will strengthen our relationship if we go through it? And should I tell him how long it'll last or an approximate time as to when the break will end? Thanks
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
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    #2

    Mar 17, 2006, 01:45 AM
    If you don't want to break up, then a "break" is the wrong approach. You need to tell him what is bothering you and what needs to be fixed for things to work out for THE BOTH OF YOU! Guys will act "perfect" for as long as it takes for you to get back together and then things will go right back to where they were... ARG! This is where women take their advantage and turn it on themselves!! Breaks don't do anyhting but make guys mad and bitter. TELL HIM what's wrong and what you are unhappy about so he KNOWS what to fix in order to keep you in his life, but make sure it is rational. Breaks are STUPID!! They solve NOTHING!! Communication is KEY in a relationship, breaks do nothing but end that. Be open and honest, if he can't take that, then he isn't worth it.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
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    #3

    Mar 17, 2006, 05:56 AM
    Hi, youto,
    Sounds like you are ready to end the relationship, and start looking for someone else. Your relationship with him has problems, as you already see and acknowledge. If you can't work out the problems, then it's time to move on.
    You can't work out problems by not seeing him... they will not work out themselves. I was divorced after being married for 7 yrs, then remarried not for 29 years.
    You asked how long for a break? Try about a week, then both of you sit down and talk. If you can't agree, then look for another relationship. I do wish you the best.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #4

    Mar 17, 2006, 08:50 AM
    How about using some LOGIC here instead of relying on your feelings so much!!

    Is he really being that bad or are ASSUMING too much and over reacting - as women do.

    Logic would say... if he is really being a jerk leave. BUT, if it's you and your raging emotions - you need rememeber that. At a certain of the month your BF could be your worst enemy in your head.

    Is it really him... or you relying on your feelings and over reacting and assuming too much??
    youtooqt's Avatar
    youtooqt Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Mar 17, 2006, 10:35 AM
    First of all I wouldn't make the generalization that all women assume too much and overreact. I do not want to break up with this guy and I thought time away from each other instead of being in each other's face would do us both good. It's not like I told him I wanted a break and ran away, I did talk to him and told him hey this is what I feel and I need time to think about things and just get a breath before continuing any further. I rely on my gut instinct which is much different than being chained to emotions that can change from one day to the next, logic doesn't solve anything and really doesn't help much in this situation because humans aren't logical and very rarely do we look at life like a chess game and make the most "logical" move in order to win... I talked to him and we both came to an agreement that if this is what we need right now, then we will work through it. I just wanted some advice from anyoen who's done it before and how to do it in a way that will at least make it tolerablew for the both of us for the time being. The break is for three weeks, but thanks anyway for the comments.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #6

    Mar 17, 2006, 10:42 AM
    If you intended on a break, that will probably cause more damage, especially if he decides to go out dating and finds somebody else to be with. If you are sure you do not want to be together then a break is usually does turn out to be permanent, but you never know. It could work out for you. I am just going by all of other peoples experiances with a Break. It could just completely break things, or it might make both of you want each other more. You need to figure out that for yourself and none of us here can predict what will happen.

    Joe
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #7

    Mar 17, 2006, 10:55 AM
    No - I am sorry - but women aren't logical. Men only rely on logic.

    I think your missing the point. Women rely way too much on that guy instinct.

    So many women - and they come here all the time - make so many mistakes with men based on that 'gut instinct'.
    hollywood90's Avatar
    hollywood90 Posts: 6, Reputation: 0
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    #8

    Mar 17, 2006, 12:53 PM
    Hey you, I think at 9 1/2 m and you guys do not get along and are getting mad at each other he really isn't the one for you. He should always be making you happy that's how you know you found HIM. QWomen are superior and a gift from God to us men and we should treat you with respect and even though sometimes you are not right communication is key. Breaks are no good. I would look for your soulmate it might take awhile but don't give up
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #9

    Mar 17, 2006, 02:20 PM
    You were wise to take this break and your reasons for doing so are very good. Have you discussed with him the kinds of things that are upsetting you and causing you to have doubts about your future together? You really should ; you owe him that much. You seem like an honest and straightforward person so that shouldn't be too hard for you to do. If you don't inform him honestly and upfront as to what is upsetting you then you'll have much less chance of ever salvaging this relationship. Furthermore, you'll be denying him the opportunity for self-improvement which could improve his relationship with you as well as everyone else in his life. Of course he may not take what you say seriously but it's worth a shot. You haven't been too specific in your post but based on the overall tone of what you have said my gut feeling is that your concerns are quite legitimate and not trivial. By attempting to communicate with him you have done everything possible on your end of it and the rest will be up to him.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #10

    Mar 17, 2006, 06:29 PM
    Dear, in my opinion, a break is what you needed to find out if there is anything at all about him that you miss. The same should have come to his mind as well. If he does not approach you first and is not willing to talk things out instead of being set in his ways, then you're better off without him.

    We usually make the mistake of trying too hard to compromise and please, to the point where we are not true to ourselves and then get frustrated because of this. If you no longer feel the 'tingle' when you hold or hug each other, then something serious has damaged the relationship and usually beyond repair.

    Don't stay with him just to 'be with someone', it will only make your lives more complicated. Tell him straight out how you feel and why, and see what his reaction is. If it is neutral or without understanding and compassion, then you know where your next step will take you - out of his life, and on to a new one where you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel good about yourself. Life is too short to 'compromise' and feel miserable - this causes undue stress on both sides and will only rekindle your anger toward yourself and him.

    Some of us need the time to be alone and gather strength to understand the reasons we do what we do and how we feel. Influence from outside that is negative will only hinder you in getting you to know the real you.

    Be respectful to all parties and don't leave anything undone, then you will be able to sleep better and look forward to a calm life and seek your goals and reach them, without having nerving stumbling blocks in the way.

    We are here 24/7 any time you need advice, and please also keep us posted, no matter what your choice. I just hope that you gain some peace and happiness. Good Luck!


    Starman's Avatar
    Starman Posts: 1,308, Reputation: 135
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    #11

    Apr 1, 2006, 09:40 AM
    So he notices your frustration and yet continues in his usual ways.
    There is pain and pleasure in all relationships.
    It is for you to determine whether the pleasure derived from this relationship is worth putting up with the pain he is inflicting.

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