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    Rebecca x's Avatar
    Rebecca x Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 8, 2009, 03:28 PM
    Boyfriends ex due next mnth!
    Hey .
    I have a real problem , hope someone can help!

    I've been with my boyfriend for 7months , and his 'ex' ( well a girl he slept with a few times is pregnant). She told him about 2months into out months and at the time I didn't try to think about it but now the babs due at the end of next month and the whole thing seems to becoming more and more real she found out the sex of the baby ( it's a girl) and he took the photo of the scan into his work ( cause they work together) to show everyone . He tells me he dose not want a child, not with her but then dose that? I am really proud of him for sticking but her an helping her , but something I just wish whys it her not me ? ( not that were planing to) but if we stay together an move in and get married, etc this child will be part of out family , I don't want a broken family.

    I love my boyfriend with all my heart , we get along so great but then then minute he takes his 'ex' to the scan etc , its like he's breaking a till pieces of my heart every time he dose,
    Am only eighteen and he's twenty but we have talked about moving in together ad everything , I now we could work if he didn't have a child on the way but the fact that he dose makes everything 10 tens harder!

    The 'ex' dose however , have some what of a rep for sleeping around , and at the time she would off fallen pregnant there's talk she was sleeping other men , my boyfriend says he can't rember if he wore a condom or not . But the girl hasn't said anything about the father being anyone els , he is gittin a DNA test when the child is born but am not sure if it turns out to be his what am going to do..

    We got together on the 26 of July and the babies due on at the end of April , I don't know if its two weeks each way but dose that not make it a good chance its no his ? He was however sleeping with here two before. But only 3/4time and I do no it only takes the once..

    Please, if anyone has an option do share! Thankss! X
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #2

    Mar 8, 2009, 03:59 PM

    What exactly are you looking for?
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #3

    Mar 8, 2009, 04:16 PM

    If they had sex, then there's the possibility that the child is his. Saying she slept around won't do anyone any good because he did sleep with her. Paternity can be established once the baby gets here.

    You say you're 18 so this may be something you're not ready for at your age. Blended families can be a difficult situation to deal with emotionally. 7 months isn't very long to start planning the rest of your life with this guy. If you don't think you can handle it, it's best to explain your feelings to him and get out now. Have you talked to him about your feelings at all? You're 18 and selfish. Before you get upset, what I mean is that you really shouldn't have to deal with this situation at this stage in your life. So I'm not insulting you! I felt that way when I was 18, I knew I couldn't be involved with someone that already had a child from a previous relationship. I knew I wasn't mature enough and was... selfish. It's OK to be selfish at 18. You're young so you should be having fun and be with someone that can focus on you completely.

    If you're having trouble thinking about him showing the scan to his friends and preparing for the baby's arrival, it's going to be 100 times worse once the baby actually gets here. That's ALL he's going to talk about. He's going to be spending a lot of time around the ex. He's going to be spending his money on the baby (as he should be) so he'll be limited on things he does for you. His time will be limited because he's going to want to spend it with his child. It takes a very strong person to be in a situation like this, especially since the baby wasn't already there when you got involved with him. Think long and hard about whether you can handle it and know that it's OK if you can't.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    Mar 8, 2009, 04:51 PM

    Assuming that the baby is his, ( he should get a DNA test for that) but that baby will be part of his life forever, esp if he is a good father. He will have to go over to the ex a couple times a month and pick his child up. He will have to talk to her about the child being sick, the child's school and more.

    So if you can't handle that, you need to move on with your relationship
    Lowtax4eva's Avatar
    Lowtax4eva Posts: 2,467, Reputation: 190
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    #5

    Mar 8, 2009, 05:01 PM

    I agree, if him going to doctor visits is a problem for you imagine the rest of your life with him... he will have this kid over on weekends and I'm sure the ex will be around with the kid and both of you at special occasions etc.

    It sounds like your just waiting and praying for a negative paternity test.

    If its too much to deal with maybe he's not the guy for you

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