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    jinglebells09's Avatar
    jinglebells09 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 21, 2009, 12:54 PM
    My boyfriend won't visit my family
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years now. He has only been home with me around 5 times. And those 5 times he hasn't seen my parents each time. Only a couple. He NEVER goes to any family outings with me, or NEVER hangs out with my friends. I always have to be with his friends. He also never asks me to go home with him. This is the only thing we seem to argue about. He thinks that I am pushing/forcing him to see my family because I always bring it up. I feel like we should be comfortable around each others family by now. I told him it was disrespectful to me and to my family and it really hurts every time I go home alone and everyone asks, " Where is...". Am I wasting my time? What can I do?
    heartbroke's Avatar
    heartbroke Posts: 163, Reputation: 24
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    #2

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:09 PM

    Usually when you ask your partner to visit or meet your parents, it's a sign of being serious. Maybe he isn't as serious in the relationship as you are?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,869, Reputation: 5431
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    #3

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:10 PM

    How old are the two of you? How far apart are you from each other?
    jinglebells09's Avatar
    jinglebells09 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:17 PM

    I'm 21 and he is 25. I mean we've beenn together for over 2 years. I feel like we are serious.. we've talked about the future together.
    heartbroke's Avatar
    heartbroke Posts: 163, Reputation: 24
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    #5

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:22 PM

    Talking and doing are 2 different things. I talked about marriage, children and moving to another state with my ex, 2 weeks before she broke up with me. It was good one day and sorrow the next. The only thing we did, was look for engagement rings together, she picked one out, but I never had the oppurtunity to buy it :(
    He could just be in a reltionship for the sake of being in a relationship, or so that he's not alone?
    jinglebells09's Avatar
    jinglebells09 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:30 PM

    He's claimed many times that if he didn't want to be in a relationship then he wouldn't be in it. Everything is perfect with us, except this one problem. I just want him to want to visit my family. Its like, if he can't accept them, why should I accept him? He says he doesn't care what they think of him, that he only cares what I think of him. Even though I told him that for to me to be with him he needs to get to know my family, they are my everything. He still won't do it?? I'm so confused as to why not? Its been going on for a year now!
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #7

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:35 PM

    You can't force him to be comfortable around your family and if you force him to go, he won't be.

    If you've already told him all of this then you need to go at a new angle.

    Maybe try to write a letter down outlining all of the problems, with as little emotion as possible (I know that won't be easy) If it's written down in black and white, he may be able to see it more clearly.

    Best of Luck.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #8

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jinglebells09 View Post
    He's claimed many times that if he didnt want to be in a relationship then he wouldnt be in it. Everything is perfect with us, except this one problem. i just want him to want to visit my family. Its like, if he can't accept them, why should i accept him? He says he doesnt care what they think of him, that he only cares what i think of him. Even though i told him that for to me to be with him he needs to get to know my family, they are my everything. He still wont do it?!!!?! I'm so confused as to why not? Its been goin on for a year now!
    There's a contradiction there. He says that he doesn't care what they think of him, but he cares about what you think of him. See... you obviously care what your family thinks of him. So if he makes a bad impression with your family, it's obviously going to affect your opinion about him. Does he not realize that?

    The only thing is to continue talking it out with him. Really try to nail down the problem. I have a feeling that he's not taking your relationship as seriously as he is.
    heartbroke's Avatar
    heartbroke Posts: 163, Reputation: 24
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    #9

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:39 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jinglebells09 View Post
    He's claimed many times that if he didnt want to be in a relationship then he wouldnt be in it.
    She told me this as well. And the truth came out 4 months later, with her breaking my heart. Maybe he's had bad experiences with parents? Ive had 1 ex's dad try to fight me when he was drunk and taking meds... he was 1 foot shorter than me. Kind of reminded me of the fighting irish mascot. And another dad who looked down on me because I took his daughter away from her boyfriend who happened to be a trust fund baby and the son of Ameritech's vice president. So he viewed me as taking away his meal ticket. Either way, its clear he doesn't want to meet or see your family, he isn't accepting it and probably doesn't see how much it really means to you. If he was into the relationship like you were hed make an effort to respect your wishes and see them like you asked. Its really not a big deal to meet your partners parents.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,869, Reputation: 5431
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    #10

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:43 PM

    If you get married, you will be marrying each other's families too. Yeah, I know you don't believe that, but it is true without a doubt. There will be family get-togethers, reunions, picnics, holiday dinners, birthday parties, christenings, weddings, and funerals on both sides. How will he handle any of those events when it is your family?
    jinglebells09's Avatar
    jinglebells09 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:57 PM

    Thank you all for your advice and comments... hopefully we can figure something out!
    heartbroke's Avatar
    heartbroke Posts: 163, Reputation: 24
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    #12

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:58 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jinglebells09 View Post
    Thank you all for your advice and comments...hopefully we can figure something out!
    Communication is the key
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
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    #13

    Mar 21, 2009, 01:59 PM

    And respect!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #14

    Mar 21, 2009, 07:00 PM
    I would take his attitude toward your family, and friends ,as a preview of his attitude toward what's important to you, and something you need to resolve before it grows into a resentment, either by you, or him.
    booyah123's Avatar
    booyah123 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Mar 16, 2012, 10:35 PM
    My boyfriend is he same way... we been together for about 5 months and he's been around my family 3 times, and I've been around his 100's... he always gives me an excuse like he's going to hang out with his friends or he just doesn't want to go.. I know he likes my family, because the last time they hung out they hit it off. But now, it's a hassle to get him to come over and hang out with my fam. Kind of bothers me.

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