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unknown624 · May 26, 2008, 07:16 PM

I love my boyfriend and everything, but he is worried about the friends that I have. He tells me to delete them off Facebook and msn, even if they only did one bad thing, and never did it again. What should I do? :confused: :confused:

Leidenschaftlich für Wahr · May 26, 2008, 07:22 PM

What do you mean by bad thing?

jrsg · May 26, 2008, 07:38 PM

I need more details...
How long have you two been dating (how committed are you to him?)
What friends is he telling you to ditch (good friends, new friends, Best friends?)
What bad things have your friends done?
How many friends has he told you to get rid off?
Is he protective over any other aspects of your life, other than who you can be friends with?

JBeaucaire · May 26, 2008, 09:03 PM

I don't need more details.

If you have a boyfriend, you have to listen to things he recommends and WHY.

If he's more right than wrong, since he's your closest advisor at this point in life, you have to seriously CONSIDER following his advice.

But it is ONLY advice. You get to do what you want as an individual. If your b/f continually gives you advice you opt NOT to take, then you should seriously reconsider whether he's earned the right to "keep" the b/f title.

Him as the b/f and you as the g/f is supposed to be about growing closer and more in sync and naturally agreeable on things more often than not. If that's NOT happening, like or love, it may be time to try again with someone else.

That's what dating is all about.

pimp_mah_alpaka · May 26, 2008, 09:08 PM

I think you should talk to him about this. There's no point in talking about it behind his back when really? The best thing you should do is talk to him about this issue. Your boyfriend should have more trust in you and what you do.. and should have trust in your friends to.

f104 · May 26, 2008, 09:44 PM

Sounds controlling to me.

HG43 · May 26, 2008, 09:47 PM

Deleting friends of Facebook and MSN is a bit extreme unless you're using them to send private messages or something. But Again, like others have said, we need more information to really assess the validity of your boyfriend's demands.

talaniman · May 27, 2008, 06:53 AM

Tell your boyfriend if he can't mind his own business, get a new g/f.

Whether he is right, or you love him, is not the point. He is to controlling.

bigbird213 · May 27, 2008, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by f104

Sounds controlling to me.

Ditto

jolienoire · May 27, 2008, 07:59 AM

I agree, what may seem cute and caring can turn out into something controlling. If he can get away with telling you to do these little things, next thing you know he will be telling you how to eat, sleep and dress.. I mean think about it. He doesn't have enough faith in his girlfriend to realize she can make her own decisions. You are not incapable, and obviously not judgemental. He may not see it as being controlling, and what happens if you don't do what he ask? Will he break up with you? Get upset?

Mom of 2 · May 27, 2008, 08:21 AM

I agree with so many posts on this thread. He does sound a little too controlling and judgemental. I was in a VERY emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I did not see it for what it was until after years of marriage, children and finally a divorce. Be careful and listen to your intuition. You may be more in tune with what is really happening than you think. However, more specifics about your situation could only help people give you advice. If the bad things are drugs, sexual deviants, etc. it might be in your best interest to stay away from these individuals anyway. However, that should be YOUR decision, not someone else's.

help_ful101 · May 27, 2008, 08:50 AM

It sounds like he's controlling ill say u don't really need the stress dump him... u have the right:D

JBeaucaire · May 27, 2008, 10:13 AM

I don't usually disagree with so many people in a single thread, but so far, in this case I do. I reiterate that they BOTH need to respect the input each other provide, and if it is actually legitimate, consider it.

Yes, it does SOUND controlling, but maybe its not. Half of you have admitted that in that he may be trying to get her away from some seemingly bad element(s) in her previous circle of friends. That's perfectly reasonable, if true.

And if it's NOT true, and these are normal wonderful people, then she's going to ignore these suggestions and not delete them.

If he keeps making suggestions she doesn't take (what everyone else is calling "controlling"), I have said she should move on, so in that regard we agree. I just don't think she STARTS with this option, at least not based on the simple post she's started this with.

jolienoire · May 27, 2008, 10:27 AM

My whole concern is his lack of trusting her judgement... Her ability to make her own decisions. I mean its one thing to "suggest" and there is another thing to demand. It really depends on his motives and tones. But again if she was capable enough of choosing him as a partner than why now is her judgement in friends being questioned. I just think in this case communcication is essential bottom line.

JBeaucaire · May 27, 2008, 10:32 AM

he is worried about the friends that I have. he tells me to delete them off Facebook and msn, even if they only did one bad thing, and never did it again

She said he "tells". I defined that as "expressing his opinion/suggesting". Everyone else is defining it as "demanding". I didn't read that degree of strength in it. That's all.

You've all admitted your "drop him" him attitude really needs to be based on his being demanding/controlling and I haven't seen that yet. You've also indicated he could be right if the OP would tell us what sort of "bad things" he's concerned about. OP hasn't provided that.

In light of all these facts, I think "dump him" is an extreme response at this point.

jolienoire · May 27, 2008, 10:33 AM

Agreed!

talaniman · May 27, 2008, 01:20 PM

More feedback from the OP, would help.