Vicky,

You will get answers based on how you word your question, and what information it contains. Please don't shoot the messenger for going on what you said, because you either don't like the answer, or you failed to provide enough detail.

We do the best we can with what we get.

I still say, that despite what happened during this 'horrible argument' as you described it, I feel that you should have left.

All the more reason, after reading your second post; as the argument seemed very violent, right down to manhandling you out the door from your first post, you should have left in my opinion.

Someoone suggested that you could have gone and sat in your car and calmed down. That would have been a good idea.

Fire and water seemed to be a good take on how the two of you get along. If that is the case, and neither of you are willing, or able to commit to counselling in order to learn how to communicate in a healthy way, I don't know what you expect as far as advice goes.

Are you going to argue again in the same way as the last? Hope for the best but expect the worst? And how far are you willing to go taking that risk.

I really do wish you well, but what went down during that 'argument'- if the relationship and communication is not worked on, and some simple rules of engagement, for a lack of a better term, aren't worked out, I can only see this getting worse, not better.

You say you were calm and were trying to calm him down, yet in your first post you state this:

To me that says you weren't as calm as you want us to think you were.

You were both upset, each in their own way. But you were not calm and no matter how hard you tried even your being there wasn't helping him to calm down. He wanted you to leave you refused. I agree that you were in the wrong to not leave.

Going for a walk or just leaving and going outside his house would have been better but not staying because you wanted to.

Vicky,

I agree with Jake 100%. Jake provided very good information. As well as everyone else in here.

You may not agree with everyone in here, I do, however, agree with everyone else.

We can vacillate back and forth all day on this, but the bottom line is that you two had a heated argument that ended with what seems to be a little bit of violence and hurtful words.

I think that this could have been handled better, if you would have just walked out that door.

Again, when someone is threating to call the police or physically trying to remove me, you bet I'm out that door!

Maybe this will help you learn for the future. I don't know.

As for your sex life, I think that you two may need counceling.

That is, if you want to stay with him.

Whether I left or not, what he said was REALLY ****ed up and makes me seriously consider even being with him anymore. You can't claim to "love" someone and throw something in their face like that about their past. Yes, I used to be suicidal, and what he said makes me think he doesn't give a **** if I die or not. Obviously I must care more than he does, which is why this is all a waste of time.

I just have to find the strength to leave him/end this.

Please read the rules of the forum.

It is not appropriate to give someone a 'disagree', unless it is a factual error.

Opinions, which are what you have received here, are not facts. They are opinions.

And, I might add, given in good faith.

If you don't mind, please don't use caps when responding to posts. That is, as you probably know, considered yelling.

No need for that at all.

You do have a lot of new facts to digest and there is no hurry about making any decisions, just take your time and do what's right for yourself. We all have made youthful mistakes and the point is to grow from them and learn to be a better person having gone through the experience.

Harsh as we can be sometimes we do know what your going through and how easy it is to be caught up in the emotions of the moment, had a few of those myself, but I cannot let his reaction off the hook either, and for your own sake neither should you.

The advise given was for YOUR safety, YOUR well being, as many of us know that things can get out of hand fast, really fast with fatal results. Too late for apologies or good advice then, and that's why we stress rather vigorously, remove yourself from those situations instead of dealing with the for whatever reason. It's that important, and you were just lucky this time. Don't press your luck. Its not worth it.

Are you serious?

How about not insulting me by insinuating that I don't have the "sense of a billy goat" to "walk away" and trying to demonize me and instead take his side when he was clearly in the wrong.

Are there any rules about throwing insults at anyone on askmehelpdesk?

I'm sorry, but I was not aware that "disagreeing" with someone's post/comment is only valid when it is a matter of "fact" and not a matter of "opinion" (and it is also a matter of opinion on your part that what I said is NOT a matter of fact... in my eyes it was a matter of FACT that I was being more tamed than he was in the heat of the argument).

And no, I am not "yelling" at anyone by typing certain words in all caps. I was only emphasizing certain words, in place of putting them in bold or italicizing them.

"THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF YELLING, BY TYPING EVERY SINGLE WORD IN ALL CAPS."

^That is not at all what I did.

Oh and by the way, "disagreeing" is a matter of opinion. Maybe the rating system should read "true/not true"... that would be a matter of "fact".

You are a very angry person in my opinion.

Typically, this happens sometimes when a poster, such as yourself, does not like the answers they get. Then they go on to ignore advice, and then justify staying exactly where they are without making changes.

In my opinion you lack sense, perhaps you are smarter than a billygoat, but, after everything you said, you still insist that you are in the right, and everybody else is wrong. I don't know what your problem is, but clearly, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know, that if you are in a position with your boyfriend, that is clearly violent and out of control, and he wants you out, and you don't budge (for all the reasons you said), you just don't get it.

A billygoat, faced with a raging bull, would run away as fast as he could. Danger is danger, and you did not have the sense that God gave you (is that better?) to actually leave. You chose to stay- your consequences.

I won't waste my time arguing with a person such as yourself. Perhaps after the next argument with your boyfriend, you will end up injured, or somebody will end up injured at your hand, or God forbid, dead. All because you continue to do what you do. So be it.

From what I read someone hit a nerve. You need to control your temper.
You ask for help and advice and then throw it back. Not a good sign.
Get help.

Won't let me agree, says spread the rep around. Well I do agree with you. Half the problem is exactly what you said, the other half is her angry boyfriend. Maybe they deserve each other.

Just remember that some people often lash out and say hurtful things when they are angry and/or hurt themselves. This may or may not be the case with your boyfriend, I don't know. You will have to consider any other passed behaviour to know if this is as reoccurring theme in your relationship or if this explosive response was a one off.

Take some time to decide where you want the relationship to go and whether you feel it has a chance to go there. You won't change how he handles frustration and anger unless he feels there is a need to make that change. Again, there are always two people in an argument, so do some soul searching and think about what you could have done differently as well to keep things from escalating as they did.

If after you get a chance to have a real heart to heart discussion with him you don't feel it is something you want to put that much effort into, then end it. Let him know upfront that you need to make some decisions about whether you feel this is what you want and need in a relationship to be happy, healthy, and satisfied.

Maybe we should put it to rest.

OP got the best advice from all the experts here. Very mature and rational advice, in my humble opinion. She make take it or leave it.. it's up to her as what to do with all of it.

I agree shadow. Vicky, you are a relentless woman. Its no wonder your boyfriend is pushed to the extreme. You just don't stop. Please consider getting help for your anger. Maybe both of you could go together. Good luck.

To be honest, Vickey, the more I read your posts and comments the more I question just what your part in the fight was. I think you have a larger part in it than you want to think you did.

I don't think you were scared of him then and I don't think you are now. I think you want validation for being angry, hurt and furious at him.

He had a psychotic look in his eyes.
He kept telling you to, "GET OUT, GET OUT" and threatening to call the police.
He manhandled you to the door.
He called you names and brought up the past.

Through ALL of that YOU stayed. Your given reasons-you wanted to talk it through. You were too upset to drive home.

I would have thought that you would be too scared to stay if he laid hands on you while he still had a 'psychotic look in his eyes'.

Then you say that you ended up talking it out and leaving the NEXT morning. Not the actions of someone who is terrified or thinks she has reason to be terrified of the person she is with.

You say that you were puzzled over how someone could say something so hurtful and then act as though nothing happened. You stayed after he said it. Why wasn't it discussed when you talked things out that night or was it as far as he is concerned?

You seem to have done a lot more thinking after you left than you did while you were there. I think you have built the anger an hurt back up in your own mind and are looking for validation for those feelings now that you are removed from the fight and the need to control the outcome.

Before you get upset. Think about what really happened as though watching it on TV. Be as objective as you can. It will help you see where mistakes were made and how better to handle the next argument you get involved in.

I will say that for your sake I am glad he didn't call the police. I don't think they would have been as nice about escorting you off his property whether you wanted to talk it out or not.

Time OUT!!

First Vicki, you have some serious, very serious anger issues, and you are part of the problem as much as boyfriend ( if perhaps not even more of the problem)

Some people should not be together, and some should not be in any relationship unless they can control their anger.

You need to.

1. non of the people answering and trying to help you are moderators, but I am

2. your childish use of disagree is silly at best and hateful most likely.

This thread is closed and you are being issued a warning