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snowgirl04 · Jul 20, 2007, 04:04 PM

My boyfriend of 2.5 months broke up with me last week after I spent a long weekend with him. It was a medium distance relationship (2 hour drive). And he's 29 and I'm 21. We've never had sex(not my choice).
So anyway... last week he broke up with me because he got scared. He had a bad relationship for 10years. His ex cheated on him and messed with his head. He told me that I was a lot like his ex, not that it was a bad thing, it was just a bad relationship. And that he doesn't know if he can date me or anyone. He basically doesn't know what he wants and he's told me this several times over the week. I know he loves me and I love him. And we could have something really great. Something that we could both write home about without even being able to explain it. We are best friends and still talking to each other daily. How do I get him to move past his ex? And be with me? How do I get him to see me and not the characteristics that remind him of his ex? And how do I show him that I'm not going to hurt him like his ex? Or maybe its not even worth all the effort..

robertbarreiro · Jul 20, 2007, 06:01 PM

he has not yet got over his ex and can't get over what she has done to him. 10 years? Wow. If he loved her then that could sometimes seriously mentally hurt someone for a good period sometimes forever till someone better comes along. Tell him how you feel.. let him know your not like his ex( about the cheating scenario) and you love him and his the only man for you and no will or could replace him. Next time, try to work things out before he breaks up with you. You said you and him had a long weekend together.. what went wrong? Let him know you're his and only his =]. I'm not really good at giving advice.. but just suggestions.

snowgirl04 · Jul 20, 2007, 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by robertbarreiro

next time, try to work things out before he breaks up with you. you said you and him had a long weekend together.. what went wrong? let him know your his and only his =].

There was no time to work things out.. it was just all of sudden. I never saw it coming. He said he just starting thinking after I left and started to freak out over everything. And as for the what went wrong... nothing as far as I know... we had a good time.. hung out, went out to eat, movies, watched TV, went to the beach. He sure didn't want me to leave. I don't know.. mayb the near accident on the fourwheeler where I could have died, him too possibly, made him realize how serious this could get and it scared him because he's worried I'll hurt him like his ex did.

robertbarreiro · Jul 20, 2007, 06:17 PM

Talk to him, and work things out even if you are broken up. Maybe you coming back to him can be a sign of releif that you really want him in your life. If he is in love with you he should darn well stick with you and if his scared, he should talk to you about it then run away from the problem. Remember do everything you can to show him you love him no one else and his the only man in your life and it will stay that way as long as his with you.

snowgirl04 · Jul 20, 2007, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by robertbarreiro

talk to him, and work things out even if yall are broken up. maybe you coming back to him can be a sign of releif that you really want him in your life. if he is in love with you he should darn well stick with you and if his scared, he should talk to you about it then run away from the problem. remember do everything you can to show him you love him no one else and his the only man in your life and it will stay that way as long as his with you.

We talk everyday, he tends to avoid the subject of his ex . But I really don't want her involved in it anyway. She gone and been gone. And he knows I'm there for him and that I care for him. I guess its hard just waiting for him decide what he wants... and if he wants to try. And I'm worried that he'll just want friendship and not want to try for something more, in fear of losing the friendship. Some of my friends of told me to cut off contact with him and let him think. But I don't know if can do that or whether it'll do any good for the simply fact he feels like crap about the break up anyway and that he knows he has problems and thinks I can do better than him. I don't know

robertbarreiro · Jul 20, 2007, 06:49 PM

if he knows he has problems then he needs to fix them.let him know, there is no one better. Everyone has there ups and down even the relatoinship experts have relationship troubles. If so your not looking and don't want to cause your in love with him and only him and you want to work things out. But yeah let him think and if he loves you like you say he does, you should not have to worry much. His almost 30 and can't be picky.. and just leave his girlfriend because his scared. I understand how he feels but he needs to talk about it then run from it. I don't know if any of my advice and suggestions are any good but I didn't see anyone else answer so I hope your feeling a little better if not I'm sorry =/... I'm only 16 I'm young and stupid but like to try to help people =] so either way good luck to you, hope things work out the way you want them to.

E12191G · Jul 20, 2007, 11:04 PM

OK first of all. You can't do anythign with the way he feels. If he feels a certain way then thast how he's going to feel. Trust me. Trying to change the way someoem feels can not work unless you have some power. I've tried it trust me. I'm in that situation right now with my ex. He doesn't feel the same with me and I've tryd to change how he's felt but its not working. He feels the way he feels. Also you can't force him to be with you. All you can do is be yourself and hope he can fall in love with you enough to want to be with you. And if your like his ex there's no reason you should change that. If your like his ex your like his ex. Its who you are.he needs to realize that your not his X and that your not capable of turning into his X. if he's so scared about being hurt again then he never should have got into the relationship and he shoulend until he's over his X because if he was over his X he wouldn't be having this problem.

talaniman · Jul 21, 2007, 09:15 AM

All you can really do is be very patient, as he works through his issues, and know he is not quite over them right yet. Also beware, as when he finally reconciles himself, he may not recognise how you want him to feel, as of now you're his nurse and he may lean on you for support, but when he heals he may want to do what most patients do when they heal ,and that's to leave and get on with their lives. I have seen the hurt of the caregiver when her charge leaves, as you has invested a lot of time and emotion, and patients, into him getting healthy, only to be left behind with no return for the investment. He shows all the signs, so my advice would be protect yourself from his rebounding from a long deep relationship, that is not over in his mind yet.