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    onlymyself's Avatar
    onlymyself Posts: 50, Reputation: 6
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    #1

    Oct 28, 2017, 02:40 AM
    Boyfriend postponing buying a house together
    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 4 years, I am 24 and he is 25, and we have agreed that we will save up 1/4 th of a place each, hence, we will have half the place in cash, loan the remaining half together and buy a place together in 2 years time. However, all of a sudden he decided that he wants to buy an apartment alone as he said that the prices are on the rise and that they will be ridiculous in 2 years and that he wants an investment.

    He suggested that we can start living in it until he gets the required papers to be able to rent the apartment and until he finds someone to rent it and then he rents it and after 5 years sells it and make profit out of it, however, I made it clear that I do not like the idea as it is stupid to live there for say 6 months and then when he starts to rent it I go back with my parents (since we both live with our parents at the moment) as I would have no say when he rents/sells it if it is all in his name. Even though I voiced these concerns he is going ahead and viewing apartments alone and even took an architect the second-time round once.

    After I pulled a huge fight he told me that he will just buy it as an investment and sell it in 5 years and then we can buy one together as he cannot buy one as an investment and one with me since he only has a small amount of money saved up and will have to take a huge loan to even buy one alone. I know that I can buy my own place in the meantime but I am feeling betrayed and I am on the verge of ending the relationship since I feel that it is unfair that we were saving have agreed on buying in two years’ time together and he just goes on alone and postponed that to 5 years since in his opinion "we can wait" and if he "does not invest now he never will with a place together that we keep for ourself."

    Furthermore, I cannot understand the whole thing since we would still have to buy our house while the prices would have probably risen even further in 5 years rather than in 2 years and I would have to fork out even more money since the profit from his investment will be solely his. Having said that, I do not want to be controlling and make him drop this idea and have him regret it further on. Am I overreacting or am I right for feeling betrayed and left out too?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
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    #2

    Oct 28, 2017, 03:33 AM
    He's full of crap dump him. He expects you to wait 5 years on top of the 4 years you have already been together. That's ridiculous! If he was committed you both could make money as a couple right?

    You certainly seem to be left out of his plans for sure.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Oct 28, 2017, 03:43 AM
    Of course you feel betrayed, just because he changed his mind. But he was honest and open about it, and the change isn't unreasonable (in my opinion).
    Betrayal to me is more about deviousness, hidden plans or actions.

    I bought a house in 1980 with my boyfriend and another friend, and I was a 1/4 owner. It happened to all work out. After some years, the friend sold us his half, and then I married my boyfriend, and then we divorced 13 years later, and he bought me out. I can't believe how easy it all was! MANY other people have problems with this, the main one being that with two people on a loan, the lender only has to go after one of you to get paid. And I know people who had a partner who stopped paying! Yet that partner gets half when they sell!

    Now is the time to buy while RATES are low. Don't think in terms of future home prices so much.
    Putting down 50% on a home while rates are low is ludicrous. BORROWING is GOOD when rates are LOW.

    Because he is going ahead without compromise is a sure sign that you are facing trouble buying anything together. Please, don't do it.

    You can't tell him what to do. He is his own person and you are yours, and there's no point having big fights over this. You aren't married. You don't have a child who needs support. He has zero obligation to you. He's thinking in terms of major investments. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you! What if you do get married and have children, and he has to support all 3 of you? You want his investment to be a good one, right?

    Age 24 is still very naive about living on your own. My suggestion is to live with him at his apartment and wait to see what the future holds. You may not even like living together; many lovers find that sharing space is full of surprises.

    'I cannot understand the whole thing since we would still have to buy our house while the prices would have probably risen even further in 5 years rather than in 2 years and I would have to fork out even more money since the profit from his investment will be solely his' is also naive thinking. VERY naive. My next suggestion is that you both visit a lender, one who will take the time to explain all the variables of now vs then. (Make sure it isn't just someone who just signs people up.) Go to a well established bank. You can get lots of advice without signing a single document.

    NO ONE can predict the future, but with interest now being about as low as it has ever been, then I would buy. I just bought a second home at the tender age of 71. I am basically broke now, but I consider real estate to be the best investment at this moment in time.

    So basically I agree with your boyfriend. Getting a loan has high initial cost, not good for quick turnover, so 5 years is about right to wait to sell. But once he rents the place out, it becomes income property, so if he sells it to buy a house, he has to pay capital gains tax. He might be better off living in it until BOTH of you buy a house.

    Listen to him. I think he understands all this better than you do.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    Oct 28, 2017, 04:08 AM
    Of course you feel betrayed, just because he changed his mind. But he was ---- can't get rid of duplicate post
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
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    #5

    Oct 28, 2017, 07:04 AM
    They aren't married and he is going to do as he pleases, so let him. Cover your own ARSE, no matter what he does.
    onlymyself's Avatar
    onlymyself Posts: 50, Reputation: 6
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    #6

    Oct 28, 2017, 09:02 AM
    What would you do to cover your arse? Also do you think that one shall stir away from someone who just goes on and cancels relationship plans like this? I am gutted to see that he is capable to go on when I am honestly heartbroken and cannot believe that he would rather get money even if that means ruining our relationship after 4 years.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
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    #7

    Oct 28, 2017, 10:12 AM
    For now deal with your heartbreak, by taking some time and space for YOURSELF, and see how you feel later in a few weeks or so. Maybe then you can discuss this better and see what happens going forward.

    Stop making this relationship such a high priority in your life, and give yourself some time to take stock of yourself and where your priorities should be. After 4 years he has changed the plan, and there doesn't seem to be any room for your needs and wants, and that's simply UNFAIR given the 4 years you have put in. I'm not saying either of you is right or wrong, just UNFAIR to change a plan you both have been working for without a lot of discussion.

    A couple agrees to walk the path of life TOGETHER, with or without money, through sickness or wellness and are committed to that but that's not what you have with him. Maybe this is the red flag that wakes you up that his commitment is to follow his own hopes and dreams at this time, and ignore yours, for the next 5 YEARS. You need to decide if it's worth it or NOT, and I don't think so, if he can so easily put the relationship on hold for so long while he tries his idea.

    That's what I meant by covering your own A$$, make a decision that works for YOU, because he has made a decision that works for HIM. You may be ready to leave your parents and start a life with him, but fact is, he isn't ready to leave his parents and start a life with you, and to be honest has said so, and won't do what you want at this time.

    That's why he changed the plan for what he thinks is a better one, but where does that leave you? Consider that as you mend your broken heart. Is this worth a 5 year wait or not?

    I am honestly heartbroken and cannot believe that he would rather get money even if that means ruining our relationship after 4 years.
    BELEIVE IT! He thinks he is making it better and sees no hurry to jump into something else right now. He isn't married so why not try his luck?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #8

    Oct 28, 2017, 11:58 AM
    You got two very different responses, and you have chosen to listen to the responses that fit your still very young, naive, wounded, emotional, irrational self.
    I hope you both can find someone who is more suited to each other.
    (Your boyfriend is my kind of man.)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
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    #9

    Oct 28, 2017, 12:49 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    You got two very different responses, and you have chosen to listen to the responses that fit your still very young, naive, wounded, emotional, irrational self.
    I hope you both can find someone who is more suited to each other.
    (Your boyfriend is my kind of man.)
    That's why she should take the time and space to let the emotional dust settle so she can REASONABLY consider her options here. Doesn't she deserve that considering the change in THEIR 4 year plan? Doesn't she deserve to have some input into HIS plan? Doesn't she deserve to build a life that she enjoys with, or without him?

    Maybe she will after a while, be able to make a decision one way or another. For now though, I think such a drastic change without her input would be a deal breaker for me for sure, but time will tell if it is for her. I don't think I could tell someone to wait another 5 years while I got my act together.

    I can't see why they can't have a resolution where they both get some of what they wanted. A clear lack of communications as I see it, or a preview of more of the same to come... OR BOTH!
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #10

    Oct 28, 2017, 02:31 PM
    Housing prices in the UK are completely different, guys. I think OP is from UK. B/f may be on the right track here and only wants to spare both of them the heartbreak of buying now and losing later.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #11

    Oct 28, 2017, 04:54 PM
    Guys? Tal and I are the only ones here, and I've been saying that the bf is the one on the right track. PLUS, he WANTS to buy now, but they can't afford a house yet, so he wants to buy an apartment. Which all makes good sense, and she should realize it, but she'd rather be angry and hurt. There is NO 'heartbreak of buying now.' NOW is the time to buy!
    FionaRich's Avatar
    FionaRich Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Oct 30, 2017, 12:34 AM
    Well, depends where, for example they can definitely afford buying a house in Greece https://tranio.com/greece/detached/, as you see the price is ridiculously low at the moment.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,244, Reputation: 10853
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    #13

    Oct 30, 2017, 06:49 AM
    This isn't about the merits of buying a house or condo. This is about if two people can resolve their issues to the benefit of both, and build a life together.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #14

    Oct 30, 2017, 05:39 PM
    I AGREE. But I claim her hurt is for all the wrong reasons. Of course we don't know if he is interested in explaining better or if she is interested in listening better.
    If she breaks up with him, it won't be anyone's fault here! She's heard both sides, and people rarely are looking for advice. They want validation for what they already decided.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #15

    Nov 6, 2017, 05:34 PM
    I would not recommend buying property with a romantic partner to whom you are not married. If you break up, it's a mess. Someone has to move out and you do not have the financial protections of marriage to fall back on. It is actually better, in my opinion, for just one of you to own the property. In that situation, you have to consider what is fair rent for you to offer - what would you pay for it with a different roommate? Likely less than half his mortgage payment if you will be sharing a bedroom. You should keep the funds you have been saving so that, if things go south and you want out or he wants you to leave, you have your own money at the ready to move where you like.

    I would guess he was advised to not wait because, as he is right to say, property values (and thus prices) as well as interest rates are on the rise and could rise steeply in two years. If his objective is to have a real estate investment and is ready now, he should act on the opportunity. It's not a romantic arrangement but a financial one. If you stay together, his financial savvy will be to your benefit. If you break up, you won't have the mess of untangling investments.

    I wonder why you are putting co-investment in a major purchase ahead of marriage. Don't you want the personal commitment solidified before you are otherwise tied to him?

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