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    preg.worried11's Avatar
    preg.worried11 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jul 10, 2011, 06:50 AM
    Is my boyfriend possesive ?
    I'm 3 month pregnant and I'm in a massive situation my boyfriends doesn't let me see any of my friends or family. He says I should want to spend everyday with him , he goes through my phone and Facebook , I'm not aloud any lads numbers or them on Facebook. He snaps if there's a status what someone's put and he doesn't like it , I'm not aloud to go out alone. He works nights and even comes home on his breaks in the early hours of the morning. He checks what I wear , he calls me loads of name and then apologises , some can be really hurtful , he always make excuse when I say why you like this , most of the time its cause he loves me he says , I'm worried what to do as it's a lot of stress for a pregnant women , he's just gets worse each day , its getting so bad I have to ask him to do normal stuff , please help
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #2

    Jul 10, 2011, 07:49 AM

    I am going to be blunt. Do you have any place you can stay if you leave him?

    His behavior is emotionally and verbally abusive. If it is getting worse, I am concerned that it will turn into physically abusive.

    Counseling might be a good step if he is willing to go. If he isn't, then you may want to go on your own.

    You should have friends and interests outside the relationship. So should he. His concept of what he calls love is not love. It is control and shows his insecurities in the relationship and himself. His type of behavior does not get better until there is not other choice. It can get even worse when a child is added into the situation.

    Please do not take chances with your safety and your child's if there is any possibility he will get physically abusive, leave.

    Take care of yourself and your child, then you can be concerned about him.
    preg.worried11's Avatar
    preg.worried11 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Jul 10, 2011, 08:38 AM
    I have a flat which he's got keys to but ita my flat , its in my name , he has had me up against the wall , but I strangled him after he did this to get him of my so I'm scared if I went to the police , I would get done to. He's got. An angermangement appt but won't.got , I'm going my docs as I'm having bad panic attacks and being in hospitial cause of all the stress , I'm not strong enough to get him out so I'm scared hell come.back as he won't.give me the keys back I've already asked. He also smashea things up , and has had to give himself a black eye so he didn't hit me , there's so much he.does I.cant remember it all cause he.always. Does something else, I've reached a limit off talking it all Thanks.for your help
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
    Expert
     
    #4

    Jul 10, 2011, 08:49 AM

    You did right by posting the answer. The comments feature should not be used for follow up information.

    Can you get to your parent's home? This is a very volatile situation. With you being pregnant you are risking losing the baby or causing permanent damage to the baby from the stress and abuse. Also, this will not stop once the baby is born and will most likely get worse.

    Get yourself out now while you are still alive!
    answerme_tender's Avatar
    answerme_tender Posts: 1,148, Reputation: 689
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Jul 10, 2011, 09:08 AM

    Please get out and away from him. Tell your family,friends --tell your neighbors. Get yourself to a woman's shelter if need be. You now have the responsibility to protect not only yourself but your unborn child.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #6

    Jul 10, 2011, 10:33 AM

    Does he live with you? If not, then change the locks and go stay with someone for awhile. If so, then find out what the legal method of evicting a person is where you live. Once again, get out of the house for a few days at least while you set up a support system for dealing with him.

    Go to a support group for abused women or a shelter and they can give you information on how to deal with the situation since you are afraid of what will happen to you if you go to the police. If it was self-defense, then you should have no problems.

    Get a restraining/protection order against him. Also talk to a lawyer about child support and visitation and what you can legally do to protect yourself and the child.

    Why is he supposed to be going to anger management classes? Is it court ordered?

    As for being strong enough, yes, you are. You now have a website pulling for you. You have people who will encourage you to get in touch with family and friends and get their aid and support. You are not alone.

    We can be here for you, but you will have to do the work. Today, get somewhere safe and get in touch with friends/family he has made you give up. Look up and call people who help abused women in your area. At your doctor's appointment tell them what is going on and ask for advice and to document your concerns. They have probably heard it before so don't be embarrassed. They can't help you if you aren't honest with them.

    Good luck.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #7

    Jul 10, 2011, 12:02 PM

    Speak to your parents,your doctor and go to the police.

    Contact Women's Aid if you are in the UK.

    This ''man'' is an abuser and it won't get better-only worse.

    Get help now.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #8

    Jul 11, 2011, 07:55 AM
    Personally, I don't think you living in the same place as he is, and going to counselling together, is going to help. He is unstable, violent and unpredictable. Not a man ready to face his problems.

    Have you considered NOT having a baby with this man? To think of you, in these circumstances, with this man, and being pregnant, will mean, as you know, a lifetime of contact. The baby will only be another way of controlling you, and that child will become more of a reason, not less of a reason, to maintain control through any cost.

    Men like this are not unknown to kill to get what they want.

    Please consider all your options, including abortion and adoption. There is no future with this man, but he may very well be the cause of 20 or more years of grief if you stay, and have a baby with him.

    Please seek counslling on your own to get your thinking straight, and in perspective with how life is, why you are in this position, how you got there, and how to get out.

    Ask your Doctor, a social services department, a battered women's shelter- do some research on your computer to see what services are available in your area.

    You need to help yourself. Nobody is going to do this for you.
    mini31's Avatar
    mini31 Posts: 23, Reputation: 7
    New Member
     
    #9

    Jul 28, 2011, 02:24 PM
    Go. Now. Just Leave. When he is not around, leave and go to parents house or the police. It doesn't matter if you love him, he has serious issues and honestly, he will end up killing the poor unborn baby. Leave now. Get help.

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