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Sparkles59 · Apr 25, 2012, 08:53 PM

My boyfriend and I recently hit it off and are crazy about each other. There's one thorn in my side though, his slutty platonic female friend of the last 6 years. The most recent occurrence was he texted and met up with her late at night. Granted he asked me to come beforehand with him, but it still makes me very uncomfortable. They have been strictly platonic for 5-6 years. He told me he thinks she's gross and aneorexic. Yet she's model thin with boobs, blonde and very pretty.

I saw how they text to one another too, and it's very jokingly and almost like he's texting a guy friend. I'm jealous and don't want a single woman texting my man! I'm no dog by any means, but when he tells me that she is always drinking and is on the slutty side it doesn't make me comfortable knowing that this single woman is around my man! I told him that I didn't care but also told him that he can't get mad when I do the same thing and go out with my single guy friends. He ended up getting mad at that thought and doesn't want me doing it!

Call me old fashioned but when I date someone, that's it! My male friends kind of fade away and I expect the same. Am I overreacting? Any advice on how to make this thorn in my side go AWAY?

odinn7 · Apr 25, 2012, 08:59 PM

So essentially you're saying that you don't TRUST him. That's really what this boils down to.

He claims it's platonic yet you seem to have an issue with the whole thing anyway.

So you know... it is possible that a guy can have a female friend without having anything between them. My best friend is a woman, a pretty hot one too... yet I have never, and would never do anything with her as we are just friends.

If he has given you no real reason to not trust him then get over it or let this problem of trust you have break you guys up.

michaelslife · Apr 25, 2012, 10:25 PM

It comes down to trust. It soundds like he's very honest and would tell you if something happened. Its common to be jelous but what's a relationship without trust. If it bothers you that much talk to him about it so you feel better. But don't force him to not be friends with people. Good luck god bless

talaniman · Apr 25, 2012, 11:15 PM

I agree with the others, but when you asked him how he would feel if you did the same thing, and he wouldn't like it, so that's the end of that story. What's good for the goose, but still a bit insecure though, of you both. But equal is fair.

My wife and I know each others friend, males, and females, NO insecurities though as they are all family friends. Maybe that's your problem, you don't know his friend well. How long have you been together? How old are you both?

none12345 · Apr 25, 2012, 11:20 PM

You say he doesn't want you hanging out with your single guy friends, yet he can. Sort of unfair and somewhat hypocritical. Furthermore, you don't trust him even though you have your own reasons not to. I think this relationship might not work out and its time you two break up and go your separate ways.

Sparkles59 · Apr 26, 2012, 05:18 AM

Thanks for some of your answers. To answer yours, I am 29 and he's 28. We have been dating for a short period (couple of months) but I am really crazy about him and I know he feels the same way. I am also new to our town and am looking to meet new people (friends)where he is established and has his friends. So when he says he doesn't want me to meet with single guys, they would most likely be new people vs the guys I already know that have somewhat faded away now that I am in a relationship.

What is the best way to resolve this situation?

joypulv · Apr 26, 2012, 05:35 AM

I'd tell him flat you that you are looking for a male platonic friend so that you don't feel lonely, unwanted, and jealous. Ask if he has any ideas. Joke about it - to some extent, just to give him the sense that he needs to put himself in your shoes.
Many, many relationships thrive on having 'other' friends of the opposite sex to fill the need for something that isn't filled by what you do have. Her being slutty might be 'fun but I wouldn't touch her with a 10' pole' and better for YOU. It's the Madonna-whore problem with a harmless solution.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 26, 2012, 06:51 AM

I would say it is your problem, if they are just friends and it sounds like it, why should he give up his friends for you. Sorry it is not suppose to be a choice, and esp not at just two months of dating,

You have to either, accept he has a friend, or move on to another guy.

talaniman · Apr 26, 2012, 06:58 AM

I don't think making him change his life for a girl he has dated for 2 months is the best way to bond with some one.

Sparkles59 · Apr 26, 2012, 08:14 AM

I know that's a short amount of time, but things got pretty intense with us very quickly and you kind of just know that this is someone that I can be serious with long term. Which is why I'm on here asking what I should do. Him and I want the same things, we have a great relationship, are open and honest but then there's this one thing makes me uncomfortable.

I haven't met the platonic female friend yet, and will have an open mind when I do. When I gave him the same situation with the tables turned he didn't like it either and agreed with me but still pushed that she's not going anywhere.

Keep in mind I'm also new in town and he doesn't like that I'm meeting new people (mainly guys) to get acquainted with the new area. Why should it be OK with him to have his female friend but I can't platonically meet new people? It's a sticky situation and I WANT IT TO WORK with him, just looking for the best approach and also gage the advice of what happens when things progress on a serious level? Do these people fade away with time? Are they always in the back burner? Thanks again...

mmresd · Apr 26, 2012, 11:16 AM

It is wrong for you to expect your boyfriend to cut conversation with his friends, female or male, when he is with you. You need to trust him and control your jealousy.

Sparkles59 · Apr 26, 2012, 11:52 AM

I agree that it is something I will work on. I am going to meet her and see what happens. Anything I should be wary of or use as a red flag when this happens? I really want this to work out with him so that we're both happy in the end, but have had experiences in the past where the "female friend" has an ephipany that they love the guy I'm dating once he introduces me to them. Thanks again.