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    jstevens2757's Avatar
    jstevens2757 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 21, 2011, 10:09 AM
    My boyfriend lost his job 4 months ago and is depressed, how do I help him?
    HI, my boyfriend, me and my two children moved into a place together about 6 months ago about a month later he lost his job and went on unemployment and was looking for a job, going out handing out resumes. At one of the places he got called into three weeks later the guy was a jerk and disrepectful. After that he started staying in our room all the time. I tried to help but nothing seemed to work. After a while he was always blameing me for stuff I had no control over, and it would cause fights. I talked to a friend and she said he sounds depressed. So I looked it up and tried to be more understanding, and at the same time let him no its not okay to put me down, just because he's going through something. One day he told me he needed to get away and was heading back home to his family (parents) and was going to look for a job. This distroyed my but I have to let him help himself I can't be selfish. A month later he called and asked if he could come home. I was so happy, and things were great for a month or two and now right back to the way it was, except now there's no intimacy, no kissing, holding hands nothing. When he gets mad he tells me to leave and then tells me he's sorry he doesn't know how to deal w things. I have offerd to go see someone w him or to be there for him while he sees someone but he refuses. He's a great guy and wonderful to my children, I miss the man he was and hate seeing him like this. If anyone knows a company hiring truck drivers in nj with 20+ yrs exp let me know. I know if he starts working again he will start feeling better. Any advise on how to help him?
    answerme_tender's Avatar
    answerme_tender Posts: 1,148, Reputation: 689
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    #2

    Jan 21, 2011, 03:37 PM

    I understand that your boyfriend is having a difficult time, a lot of people are going through very difficult times. But for him to continue taking it out on you is BS.

    Perhaps he needs to try a different field of employment until he can get on to a trucking company.

    My most concern goes to your children having to witness this man taking his depression out on you. This NOT something they need to deal with, its NOT their problem.

    I know you care for this man, and I know its hard to be alone trying to raise two children, but it maybe time for you to really take a breathe look around and determine what is BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!!

    I will also say this, because I do have knowledge of the trucking industry, that if he is wanting to be a company drivier, that does not always mean they have to live in same state were company is based out of. He may want to stop just looking in the NJ area, he may want to look in midwest area of United States, I know for a FACT that there are several companies looking for experienced drivers with GOOD DRIVING RECORDS. They usually have to have at least 2years experience within the last 3years!!

    Take care
    jstevens2757's Avatar
    jstevens2757 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Feb 2, 2011, 05:35 PM
    Comment on answerme_tender's post
    Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out. I think your right, it might be time to look from the outside and figure out what is best for me and my children. Thanks again.
    sharper11's Avatar
    sharper11 Posts: 369, Reputation: 102
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    #4

    Feb 15, 2011, 11:43 AM
    It is normal for your BF to feel depressed about losing his job. Especially with the circumstances. But it is not normal for him to take it out on you. He may be feeling like a failure and "putting you down" is his way of feeling like he is still in control. But he should not do that to you.

    What can you do to help?. just be there for him.

    Like answerme_tender said.. . the children are the concern right now. Do what is best for them.

    Trucking companies are (supposedly) hiring a lot right now on the East Coast (I live in Delaware). If he has a good driving record, is willing to accept any hours/routes. . etc. He should be able to find something. He should keep throwing out applications and follow-ups.

    But again, do NOT let him bring you down because he is down... someone needs to be clear headed.
    jstevens2757's Avatar
    jstevens2757 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Feb 19, 2011, 05:06 PM
    Comment on sharper11's post
    Thank you so much everyone, I did let him no that I will not let him speak to me that way. It has stopped, I don't think he realized he was doing it, he was just projecting how he was feeling on to me. I stayed and stood by him. I let him know how I felt and that I was understanding about what he was going through, and I would be there as long as he needed but he had to want someone there. And if he wanted to be alone I would leave. Things are great again. I've never been happier, there was light at the end. Thank use again
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,300, Reputation: 7691
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    #6

    Feb 19, 2011, 06:35 PM

    Yes it is time to take off the kid gloves and start being tough on him, he needs to get out of bed and out of the house every day looking for work. PERIOD, no choice, no discussion.

    Next so some boss was rude during an interview, that is common in some companies to see if you can handle it, since perhaps their company is a tough place to work.

    Next there are truck companies hiring every day, he may need to be willing to accept lower pay, harder work and worst conditions. ** bad bosses, thus is life. He needs to look at local deliveries, tow trucks, store deliveries and more.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #7

    Feb 19, 2011, 06:42 PM

    He needs to find work no matter what the duties, or pay. He needs to feel needed, and he needs to feel like he's supporting, not just in neutral.

    I suggest he go get a check-up too. Sure wouldn't hurt.

    Good luck to you both.
    sharper11's Avatar
    sharper11 Posts: 369, Reputation: 102
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    #8

    Feb 23, 2011, 07:36 AM
    Comment on sharper11's post
    Good stuff jstevens2757, glad it is working out.

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