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    My boyfriend hits me and he cheated. What should I do?

    Asked Dec 6, 2011, 08:53 AM 11 Answers
    My boyfriend once hit me, he is too controlling, jealouse, too serious. Well he stopped hitting me. Now he is cheating, and he blames me for all that has happened, saying I'm not attentive.

    I've never had sex with him, and now all of a sudden he complains, but his never had a problem because I follow my religious rules. Whenever we fight he involves his sister, so she can talk to me, and solve things. I know his still cheating what must I do?

    I truly love him but it clearly shows that I'm being used, he said he'll kill me if I broke up with him. Please help me.

    Last edited by talaniman; Dec 6, 2011 at 04:10 PM.
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    11 Answers
    majrivebroos's Avatar
    majrivebroos Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #2

    Dec 6, 2011, 01:02 PM
    Run for your life! If he said he will kill you most likely he will,so get out of that relation and call the police to protect yourself!
    Helpful (2)
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,506, Reputation: 4594
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    #3

    Dec 6, 2011, 01:17 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Motshidisi View Post
    My boyfriend once hit me, he is too controlling, jealouse, too serious, well he stopped hitting me now his cheating and he blames me for all that has happened saying I'm not attentive, I've never had sex with him and now all of a sudden he complains but his never had a problem because I follow my religous rules, whenever we fight he involves his sister so she can talk to me and solve things I know his still cheating what must i do? I truly love him but it clear shows that I'm being used, he said he'll kill me if i broke up with him. PLease help me.

    I would take the threat to kill you very, very seriously. I cannot stress that enough. Women are killed by husbands and boyfriends on a fairly regular basis.

    Go to Court. Get a restraining order.

    Protect yourself.

    Loving someone doesn't mean you deserve to be abused.

    Please - protect yourself.
    Helpful (3)
    hidden123's Avatar
    hidden123 Posts: 153, Reputation: 51
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    #4

    Dec 6, 2011, 01:28 PM
    Get a restraining order and break up with him right away. Things will only get worse if you don't - rest assured.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,556, Reputation: 10717
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    #5

    Dec 6, 2011, 04:12 PM
    Get all the family to support you and get to a safe place, and call the cops.

    Love is not threatening to kill someone, hit, cheated on, or abused.
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    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,722, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #6

    Dec 6, 2011, 06:01 PM
    I have to presume there is some yet, not understood, cultural implications here, as his sister getting involved with you and your boyfriend to solve problems, indicates a family affair. I don't know.

    This is NOT love. You are threatened both physically, and emotionally, to stay in this relationship. That is called control, and you are indeed being controlled. I don't understand the nature, or extent of any control that may be forcing you against your will, to stay with a man under these conditions, unless it is cultural.

    Have you been promised to him? Have both your families agreed that the two of you should marry?

    If you are NOT under such extreme controls, why the hell are you there. I get really fed up with women who allow themselves to be sitting ducks at the hands of whatever whim an out of control man has. You are upset because he's having an affair? That is the least of your difficulties.

    You are setting yourself up, and possibly risking your life if you stay. The man is not a good person, nor is he good boyfriend material, nor is he anywhere in the ballpark to be a good husband, and father. One hit, is all it takes. One threat, is all it takes. You have NO way of knowing what he is capable of, except what you have already had a taste of. That sort of behaviour does not turn off with a light switch. It is a PART of the person, and I guarantee you, that ugly, out of control man, will rise again.

    Get to any social assistance office, and seek out what is available to you. Shelters, legal assistance, medical help, housing, etc. There is NO excuse, in this the year, 2011, not to help yourself. If you cannot get yourself aware enough to put some sort of plan in action, I don't know what else to tell you.

    Are you going to be a statistic, or are you going to be a strong, successful woman, who doesn't let anybody push her around. Up to you.
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    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #7

    Dec 6, 2011, 08:40 PM
    I agree with everyone here.

    Don't take this lightly. Tell EVERYONE what's going on. Cops first. Get him as far way as possible from you.

    "I truly love him" Love?
    Ive heard that before & how that ends in tragedy. By not listening. Someone really hurt or dead.

    Your safety comes first.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,442, Reputation: 7604
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    #8

    Dec 6, 2011, 08:42 PM


    Break off now, in fact the day he hit you, you should have never seen or talked to him again, that is not allowable or acceptable, and my opinion he will do it again if you stay with him after he has more emotional control over you.
    A boyfriend does not say things like that to a girlfriend.
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    Motshidisi's Avatar
    Motshidisi Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Dec 6, 2011, 11:33 PM
    Thank you all so much, these answers reali mean a lot to I didn't expect any responses. But I guess I'll have to do what's best for me and get away from him, all your answers opened my mind and now I know what to do which is breaking it off. I'll stand up for me and stop being a scared person. I will run away, get a restraining order, protect myself and be stronger for me. As painful as it is I'll have to, Thank you once again.
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    geminichick's Avatar
    geminichick Posts: 187, Reputation: 57
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    #10

    Dec 7, 2011, 05:20 AM
    YOu need to go to the police and go to a woman's shelter where you are protected. There are resources out there that can help you like Victims Witness Assitance, WOman's Resource Center's. Going to the police is a very scary thing to do but this man needs to know that he can't treat you like this. YOu are a woman with rights. Men like this feel like woman should be seen and not heard or woman need to be trained, which is what my ex thought. The reason for going to a woman's shelter is for your protection. There needs to be an order in place as well that he can not come near you or however so many feet on the property where you are residing. Stay strong! Things will work out for you BUT you must never go back to him! Not even if he sayd he will change. Men like this can't change. They have issues, but it's not up to us to fix them. My thoughts go out to you this day.
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    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,722, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #11

    Dec 7, 2011, 08:21 AM
    I am glad that you are considering your options, and planning on getting back, essentially, yourself.

    There are steps that will require some thought, to protect your safety, and nobody knows whether this boyfriend of yours is full of hot hair with threats, or would harm or kill you. The time between thinking about breaking up, and actually breaking up, is the time when any threats he has made, could turn out to actually happen. Many women have been killed during that transition period.

    What I'm saying is, speak to someone in person. A women's shelter is a good option, to provide information. Please get that information so that you know exactly what you are doing, in the safest possible way. Restraining orders do not stop any man who is determined to do harm to another, regardless of the consequences. We do know he is physically violent, and that characteristic alone, will require that you get advice, as there will likely be an aftermath to your decision.

    Just be careful, informed, aware, and prepared. Do your homework, put a safe plan in place, and follow through. Please let us know how this all worked out for you.
    Helpful (1)
    livewithjoy's Avatar
    livewithjoy Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #12

    Dec 8, 2011, 03:01 PM
    You need to get out of that situation. That's only harming you even more if you keep up with it and if your still with him its going to get even worse. Think about what it would be like in the future? Its not going to be a good healthy relationship. I am in that situation . My boyfriend seems very alike to yours. My mom put a restraining order so he won't get near me, even though she did that I sneaked out to see him because I coudnt help it.. I loved him too much but he kept hitting me and controlling me. He would say sorry after everything happened and sayed he wasn't going to do it again, I was so brainwashed because I forced myself to believe he woudnt ever do it again, but he kept doing it.. noww he is in jail right now, not because of him hitting me but for a warrant. I feel better off without him even though I miss him a lot. I get to do what I want and I'm worry free. I realized how happy I am now. I am planning to break up with him when he gets out which is very soon . I knoe its going to hard and I'm going to miss him cause I'm so attached to him but in the long run it's going to be for the best. So be free and break up with him and get a restraining order against him . And resists all type of contact with him. It doesn't matter how many times he says he will change because they won't that's who they are and they might change a little but sooner or later they will get back to their bad habit of feeling like they have to hit to fix things. Stay true to your religion and yourself you desreve better because your number 1 , you can do it :)
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