My boyfriend is an alcoholic who is supposedly trying to cut down on his drinking. He stays up really late and used to hang out at my apartment drinking and getting high. I told him I didn't want him doing that anymore. Now he goes over to my good female friend's house at night and drinks and gets high with her. At first I was okay with it because I thought at least they could keep each other company and I just want to go to bed since I have to get up early. But it's gotten so he only spends an hour or two at a time with me but stays at her house late into the night (about 4 times a week from 12 to 3, 4, or even 5 in the a.m.) Sometimes he just sacks out on her couch rather than go home. She and he say they just like to hang out and are not involved sexually and I believe them.

But yesterday after one more time of him leaving me to go to be with her, I called (at 1:30 a.m.) and told my friend that I thought he was spending too much time with her and that it was interfering with my relationship. She said she respected that and told him to go home and told me and him that they would just hang out when the three of us were together. Now he is incredibly mad with me. I think it's cause I took away his drinking buddy and his drinking is more important than his relationship with me. My friend say I'm jealous. Maybe I am jealous but I think it's justified, don't you? I thought it was a reasonable request to make but my boyfriend doesn't think so. I haven't actually talked to him about it but my friend said he was really mad and he left a nasty message on his answering machine that I knew was for me. I'm trying to prepare for when we actually talk.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I did the right thing and support for when I talk to him, if he ever returns my call.

You aren't his girlfriend. The alcohol and the drugs are his girlfriend. And then conveniently he has ANOTHER girl to go hang out with to be with his real girlfriend, the booze and drugs.

Drop him... If he wasn't willing to really cut down on his drinking and drug use by just staying home with you and being responsible person, well that should speak volumes right there. He'd rather go spend time with your friend who is okay with that behavior... and that's a whole 'nother issue... You know your boyfriend, you know your friend, if you are having concerns about them spending so much time together... AND doing things that completely obliterate your judgement and self control... you really need to listen to what your head is already telling you.

Alcoholics do cut down on drinking... they are either active alcoholics or they quit all together. You'll never be anything but second fiddle as long as he is drinking and drugging. Lose this guy, unless he is willing to get sober.

""" Your relationshiop ???? """ you are merely pretending you have a relationship and he is just lying about cutting back.

And who here believes they are just hanging out drinking and doing drugs?? You have to make a choice of what and how you want your life to be in 10 years, don't expect him to change. He chose drugs and drink over you already