Hi. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 6 months, we live together and have been very happy until about the past two months. I am scared to death that my boyfriend is carrying on online conversations on porn websites with women. To give you a little background on my boyfriend's track record, he cheated on his last girlfriend because they lived in different states the majority of their relationship. Like I said, he and I have only been together for 6 months, but we are so in love. He claims he never felt about his last girlfriend like he does about me. He shows this to me on a daily basis, just from the way he looks at me to the things he does.

My boyfriend has always had a lot of friends that are girls. Well one of the first days in October, I went through his phone. Mind you, I have never done this to him before. I found a text message to a girl he works with asking her if she wanted to stop up at work and have a drink with him since he had not seen her in awhile. He did say in the text message though, "I won't be here for long because I have to pick my girlfriend up from work." So of course I flipped out and accused him of wanting to cheat on me with this girl, but his defense was he mentioned me and he just has a lot of girls that are friends. He also said if I was going to cheat on you, why would I hang out with this girl at my job where everyone knows you. I tried to let this go, but things have been going downhill since. I have broken into his 3 email accounts, checked his Facebook, gone through his phone and gone through his phone bill. Every single day since this incident I have made it my mission to "catch him" cheating on me.

My friends have also made life difficult on me telling me he was once a cheater and will always be a cheater. They put all sorts of ideas in my head, ones that I never had before. He has deleted his myspace because I asked him to. He would even let me go through his phone bill. So he does try to do whatever it takes to show me he's not cheating. What gets me is what I found a few weeks ago.

When we first started dating, we had a period where he didn't know if he wanted to be in a relationship with just me. We did not become official until September. Well, I found that he was on this website called fling.com sending messages to girls. During this time he was staying at my house a lot, but like I said we were not in a committed relationship. The last message I saw that was sent was August 28th, we became official the first week of September and I did not see any messages sent during September/October/November/December.

He claims it was wrong to send messages to these girls, but that he was not sure he wanted to be in a relationship again and he wanted to keep his options open. I threw him out the end of August after a fight (not having to do with fling.. I found fling recently, and since he has deleted the account), and he did everything to get me back.. flowers, cards, calls, crying.. EVERYTHING! He said that was when he realized he didn't want to be without me and he stopped sending messages to these girls on fling. Another website I found he is a member on is redtubelive.com. On this portion of the website you can chat with girls. When I looked into it, he didn't have any "friends" on there and he didn't even have a picture uploaded. His profile was basically empty. He claims he hasn't been on there in ages. But the thing is, after I talked to him about this I tried to log in tonight and the redtubelive.com login doesn't exist. Is it possible he deleted it because he thought I would find something or because he deleted it for me to prove he's not doing anything? What if he has made up a new email address to go on there without me catching him?

We have been fighting non-stop for months about all of this. He is very hurt that I have gone through his privacy and that I don't trust him. When we first got together we had sex ALL THE TIME! 3 times a day. As of recently we only have sex a couple times a week and it doesn't feel the same. He claims he has no sex drive because I have pushed him so far away and fought with him so much. I am always crying or yelling at him, and he says that even though he loves me, he does not feel an emmotional connection with me during sex anymore. I tell him I will change and stop going through his stuff and accusing him, but then the next day I go back to the same thing. He claims this is why he never wants to have sex, because I will go back to being crazy and accusing him of cheating. We did have sex the other night and it feels like things are getting better.. but I am just so scared he's really not wanting to have sex with me online because girls online are "getting him off." He still stands by the fact that we're not having sex as much because he is just so upset with what has been going on.

My boyfriend is truly an amazing man. He pays my bills when I can't afford them, he splits all the bills, he pays our car insurance, cleans up after himself, tells me he loves me all the time, tells me I'm the only woman for him etc. etc. If you could just see the way he looks at me sometimes, it takes my breath away. He is away camping with his boyscout troop right now (he is an Eaglescout leader), therefore I am home by myself. I could use any opinions I can get.

So I guess bottom line, I'm asking... is he cheating on me in real life or online?