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    asuttmiller's Avatar
    asuttmiller Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 26, 2011, 08:58 AM
    My boyfriend went to a strip club more than once the last time he went he got a dance
    Threads merged

    My boyfriend went to diamond dolls about a month ago, he went more than once the last time he went he got to lap dance, and got her number, according to the texts they only frinds and she's not intrested in him, but he took her to lunch to his moms house and last night she texts and I ask who it is, he says I don't know so I call and she tells me al this?? He lied about it for about an hour about after him cheating once I told him ill be done if you don't tell me the truth, so he finally text me back and said "yes i got a lap dance from her" What do I do and what do I think?
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #2

    Apr 26, 2011, 11:51 AM

    Seems pretty clear. He got caught lying.

    The question is, what do you want to do about it? Has he broken your trust? Can you forgive him? Has he done anything to try to earn your trust back?

    I'm going to turn the question back on you. What do you think? What do you want at this point?
    confussed_man's Avatar
    confussed_man Posts: 14, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Apr 26, 2011, 02:33 PM
    Well he lied, do you think he's worth forgiving? Is he telling you the truth about it just being a lapdance, he's lied to you about it before? To be honest you're the only one that can diside what to do. But if this is part of a trend I'd say is this worth the hurt to deal with him?

    Hope this helps :)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Apr 26, 2011, 04:33 PM

    You tell this lying cheater to go get all the lap dances he wants, and leave you alone. If you had not caught him, he would still be doing things behind your back with her.

    He crossed the lines of good behavior by getting her number and texting, all of which you didn't know.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #5

    Apr 26, 2011, 06:32 PM

    IF it had been just the going to the club, that may have been one thing. Getting a lap dance, steps it up a notch. Getting her phone number and contacting her leads me to believe he would have taken things further if given the opportunity.

    As what said, what might have gone on if you didn't happen to find out about it when you did? He's already been texting back and forth with her, and taking her to lunch... all unknown to you, his girlfriend.

    Only you can decide whether you trust him, if you feel the trust can be rebuilt, and if you want to even attempt to do so.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    Apr 26, 2011, 07:13 PM

    This is of course very uncommon, almost none of the girls at the dance clubs ever goes out or dates the clients,

    Was this a girl he knew from before ?

    But he lied and was cheating, taking her to his parents house even.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #7

    Apr 26, 2011, 07:37 PM
    He has lied and cheated.

    This shows how he feels and his respect
    Level for you.

    Going to clubs and watching porn most men do.
    Getting phone numbers and lying about it is
    A different thing. A thing you don't need in your life.
    asuttmiller's Avatar
    asuttmiller Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Apr 26, 2011, 10:02 PM
    Comment on I wish's post
    Well he's cheated once not even a 2months ago... So I forgave him that once but we did split for a month and he went right when we got back together?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #9

    Apr 27, 2011, 03:38 AM

    He cheated about 2 months ago, you forgave him. Then he went to the club a month ago and got a dancer's phone number and has been contacting and seeing her? Is this correct?

    Did he go to this club while the two of you were split from each other? Regardless, he has remained in contact with her since the two of you were back together.

    It doesn't sound as though he is wanting to be in an exclusive relationship at this point. He certainly isn't ready to be in one, given his actions, no matter what his words may say.

    If you want to continue to date him (maybe he is fun to be with and you have a good time together), that is up to you, but if you are wanting something monogamous I think you are going to have to move on.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #10

    Apr 27, 2011, 06:15 AM

    Sounds to me like he's counting on you forgiving him - and forgiving him - and forgiving him.

    I would be more concerned about the lying than the lap dancing.

    I also have never heard of a dancer (exotic or otherwise) giving out her phone number. What was the purpose of taking this dancer/friend to his parents' house?

    I would get rid of him based on the lies.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #11

    Apr 27, 2011, 07:50 AM

    ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JudyKayTee again.

    I wouldn't care so much about my wife getting a lap dance, but I would be pissed if she had to lie about it, and hurt that she lied. But I would be livid if she was in touch with the guy on a personal level, behind my back.

    That bird don't fly with me, but that's just me!
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #12

    Apr 27, 2011, 12:14 PM

    How many more times does he have to lie before you had enough?

    If he can get away with it, then he's just going to keep doing it again.

    Furthermore, it doesn't seem like he offered any sincere apologizes for lying. It doesn't even seem like he feels guilty.
    asuttmiller's Avatar
    asuttmiller Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    May 4, 2011, 09:10 AM
    My boyfriend is becoming a marine?
    My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years now, he made the decision of becoming a US marine, we have had trust problems before, he's lied and cheated. I forgave hiim for those and swore I wouldn't again, can I trust him if he goes in for sure and is gone months at a time? Im not sure... can anyone give me some advice for this??
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #14

    May 4, 2011, 10:30 AM

    If he can't find a way to earn your trust back, then it's not going to be easy to maintain this relationship.

    If you see progress sand you still continue to believe that he can make things right, then I see hope for you. But if things keep going downhill and you can't turn it around, then you should definitely reconsider whether this relationship is worth continuing.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #15

    May 4, 2011, 11:13 AM

    You apparently can't trust him if you see him on a daily basis.

    Why do you think you can trust him if he's living someplace else?
    asuttmiller's Avatar
    asuttmiller Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    May 18, 2011, 09:05 AM
    Im trying to make it work?
    Ive been with the same guy 2 1/2 years now, 90% of the time we are really happy and love being with each other but the other 20% has been hell, He cheated about 3 months ago, lied about his drinking and going to strip clubs and getting dances, I left him for about 2 months then we decided to get back together since then I been fighting the thought of him cheating and playing games again, I'm scared, I want to trust him again but I need some advice on how to do so? He's a good guy but he has had his lying problems in the past.. I love him and want to make it work I don't think he is doing it again because I don't have the bad feeling I did the first time, please help I need to know how to handle these thought and feelings? :/
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
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    #17

    May 18, 2011, 10:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by asuttmiller View Post
    Ive been with the same guy 2 1/2 years now, 90% of the time we are really happy and love being with each other but the other 20% has been hell
    Wouldn't that equal 110? That is just weird.

    Quote by asuttmiller;
    He cheated about 3 months ago, lied about his drinking and going to strip clubs and getting dances, i left him for about 2 months then we decided to get back together since then i been fighting the thought of him cheating and playing games again, I'm scared, i want to trust him again but i need some advice on how to do so?
    Why did you go back into a relationship where you knew this problem would arise? You should have left that cheater to himself back then, yet you decided for round number two? What made you think anything would have changed?

    Quote Originally Posted by asuttmiller View Post
    I love him and want to make it work i don't think he is doing it again because i don't have the bad feeling i did the first time
    Just because your psychic abilities or spidey sense does not mean he isn't still cheating on you, he has done it once and you came back... what would keep him from doing it again, if anything he has learned how to do it better (without getting caught) this time.

    Quote Originally Posted by asuttmiller View Post
    please help i need to know how to handle these thought and feelings? :/
    If you are not having the feelings again, then why are you having these thoughts and feelings? Are you maybe ignoring the fact that you ARE feeling paranoid about him cheating again? And who can blame you? He already did it once, and deep down you know that he is capable of doing it again.

    End this suffering and find someone who respects you from the start, so you don't have to patch up wounds that wouldn't be there if the guy actually valued you.

    Good Luck,
    Javi
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #18

    May 18, 2011, 11:28 AM

    UNBELIEVABLE, you are still trying!!
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #19

    May 18, 2011, 11:38 AM

    You can't make a relationship work when you are the only person trying to make it work.
    kaka67's Avatar
    kaka67 Posts: 261, Reputation: 200
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    #20

    May 18, 2011, 01:22 PM

    Im going to be a bit harsh:

    So what do you expect?

    A dog will always be a dog. You were told this before and ignored it.

    Being a marine won't make him cheat. Being away from you won't make him cheat. He does all that already. He'll just be able to do it everynite as he won't have you around cramping his style.

    How nice.

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