When I met my ex boy friend first time, it seemed he was the one. Good education, professional job, kind manner, and smooth talk... as a successful professional woman, it was hard to find a man to measure me up, and it was so blessing. We found great chemistry, and we instantly became exclusive from the week 1. 3 month moved just like dream. I had to do some international business trip, and always he picked me up at the airport. He called me every night to chat for hours. It was just sweet and perfect. We spent Christmas. He took me to his family, church and his work as well.

Well. 3 month later, he suddenly started to change. He wanted to go out for guy's night for football. I kindly encouraged him to go. He told me he had a good time. Now, he started skip the good night call, which he did it every night since the day 1. (we live 50 miles away) I felt he seemed distant even when he was with me, but did not confront.

Valentine day came. He told me he would work to catch up on the day, and I said OK. I spent a day to prepare a gift basket for him. He showed up next day, we exchanged gift, but refused to take underwear I bought for him. He gave me a small gift and a valentines' card which says "I love me." instead of "I love you". I tried laugh it off since I had no clue. We still went out for shopping and dinner to celebrate Valentine's day.
On the way back, he told me he had illness. I cheerfully told him whatever it was I would take care of him. He had such a dark face.

Next day, he broke up with me over long email. He told me how sorry he is, how wonderful I am, but he has an issue with commitment, and like to end our relationship.
My heart was totally broken. I was speechless, but manage myself not to call him. I emailed and said I respect his decision, and let me know when you like to talk in future.
I ran into my girl friend's home, stayed there and cried all night long.

Days later, I found out he passed me a small STD. he obviously had sex with girls. I could understand what he tried say about "illness". I saw a doctor, got treated, and moved on. I concentrated on my career.

The heart broken 3 month has passed. I scheduled all my business trips in the period, spent in Europe to forget the pain, and it worked. I came back as fresh heart. He sent am an email just after I got back. I casually said hi, and asked if we should meet to talk. I wanted to find out the real reason from his mouth. He agreed and we met. He said he had an issue with his on going divorce from 10 years of marriage (it has been in court for a year), need time and space, and like us to be friends. I said yes. I expect we would call each other once a month or so.

However, he started act like a boy friend, started to call me every night, invited me to his family activity, and started to stay in my place over night every weekend. It seemed everything came back to OK. We took a weekend getaway to Boston. I tried not to push him.


On a beautiful weekend while I was waiting for him to come to my place, I found his profile online to seek women. My heart is broken again. When he arrived at my place, I finally burst tears. I asked what was going on. He told me he was just fooling around, and nothing serious. He tried to comfort me, and we went out to park, spent a day together as planned, but I made up my mind. On the way back, I told him it is too painful for me, and I rather break up with him if he cannot be exclusive. In my life, I never had open relationship with anyone. He cried, and told me sorry, but he still insisted he would like to explore other women.

I told him I need to break up, and asked never contact me again. He left my house with tears, begged me to keep him as friend one more time. He insisted he would still pick me up at the airport whenever I come back from business trip. I said stone cold no.
I saw he turned down his profile at that night, but he never tried to contact me.

Anther 3 sleepless & painful month has passed. I still have not heard from him a word.
I luckily met a decent gentleman in my business trip. He gave me the whole respect and dedication form the moment we met. He involved me to his family activity. We had so many wonderful trips to Europe and Latin America together. After 2 years he proposed me, and we got married in 6 month in an exotic tropical place as I always dreamed.
I have been happily married for 10 month now.

Well,
Yesterday, I heard my ex's divorce is done, and he married to his church staff who had helped his political campaign. I saw his recent picture, but he even did not happy at all in the picture. It was totally shocking. In back of my mind, I assumed that he could not commit himself to me because I was not good enough, but he married to a very plain girl even not young or successful.

I started to wonder.
What did I wrong in the past relationship with ex?
I am sweet, beautiful, passionate and caring girl with successful career.
Why he could not commit himself to me even though he told me he would regret if he let me go. Did I do the right thing to kick him out completely from my life? Should I give a chance to keep him as a friend and work it out even though he constantly broke my heart?

I will appreciate if guy's give me some rational answers on my experience.

I don't understand why it matters now because you are happily married, right?

He wasn't emotionally available when you were together. He was honest about the fact that he couldn't commit, but he also was too afraid to be alone, which is probably what he should have been doing--being alone to recover from his divorce.

Sounds like his emotions were out of control and you were wise to move on.

I wouldn't worry about why it didn't work with this guy.

Yes, I agree. I like your comment.
However, why did such a successful man have to marry a below than average black girl? I am not getting it.

My husband said he might be psycho, but I am not getting it. My ex's choice makes me feel degraded since I was his ex.
Did I get that all the pain because of a stupid man? I will feel much better if I went through the pan for decent man at least.
Am I right?
Sight... what a pain for cheap man...

First of all, you're judging this woman without knowing anything about her really...

And, you are comparing yourself worth to someone you don't know.

I find it good that you can communicate to your husband about this. I'm assuming from this that you have a nice open relationship with him. That's great. Be happy and not bother yourself with thoughts of an ex.

You went through the pain because you felt it. It wouldn't matter what kind of man he was. You felt the pain. But that's over now.

Why did he marry her? Only he knows. Maybe she's pregnant. Maybe he's in love with her.

Why didn't he run after you when you decided to leave him? Because he wanted to see what else was out there. He was confused and immature, or he knew you weren't the one for whatever reasons.

These are questions in which you will never have the answers, and nor do they matter.

Survivor07,
I do not know you well, but I can feel you are very wise and mature. Thanks for your clear opinion.
Yes, I have the great open communication with my husband, and I can discuss with him for anything. I am very lucky to have him as my soul mate.

Good luck to you too.

Don't worry about your ex because obiviously he is an ex for a reason--he had commitment phoba. Who cares if he looks unhappy and chooses to be unhappy. Remember this is the same guy that gave you a STD and couldn't even be man enough to tell you. Luckily it was something curable.

I am glad you was able to met a man that you wanted to share your life with and who treats you well. Enjoy your married and worrying about your husband and you.

Why dwell on the past that's over, and done with, when you have a great mate to relate to now?

Don't look back, look forward.