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reoreo · Feb 3, 2012, 12:52 AM

In late 2010, I broke up with my defacto boyfriend whom I loved dearly. We broke up because I wanted to get married and settle down but he doesn't believe in marriage at all. Because of that, our arguments and disappointments led us to part our ways (we didn't even have an official break up). I got another myself a rebound but finally broke up because I felt that I was not fair to this guy since I was not really into him.

So throughout the one year that I lived without my ex, I missed him dearly. I often missed the times we spent together and wondered that if I had done things differently, we would still be together. The feelings had not change one single bit. Then come this year, I met up with him, we had a great time and somehow we ended in bed. He said I changed a lot, I'm a lot more mature, more emotionally stable and not as mushy as last time.

I don't know what are we right now. I know that he still doesn't intend to get married. Basically there is still no future between us. I know I am stupid to still want to be with him, but that brings me a lot of comfort after all the longing.

Anyone care to give some good advice/ comforting words?

talaniman · Feb 3, 2012, 01:50 PM

The return of your ex, and having sex has stirred up a lot of old wounds, and hurts, and high hopes, and NO MORE CONTACT is your answer. I suspect the failures to make rebounds into anything worthwhile is also adding to the hurt, and disappointment.

May I suggest a proper healing from the past hurts, by staying single and building a life that makes you happy without a guy to see if a future is possible. Adjust your thinking of men, and the role they play in your life, and focus on balancing your time between friends, family, and activities and work for a year, and gain a healthy outlook on men before you date and follow your heart to what looks like a promising future.

I think you just want a nice happy healthy settled secure life, to call home. I get that, we all want it, but take the time to be healthy, of mind, body, and soul, and happy with JUST YOU, and have fun enjoying JUST YOU. You will heal faster, and be happier for it. And best of all you won't depend on a guy to make you feel happy or SPECIAL, and secure. You may even enjoy dating, as a friend.

mmresd · Feb 3, 2012, 06:48 PM

Go NO Contact with you ex, no need to give yourself high hopes like that. This is where all the confusion is coming from. He is an ex, keep it that way, that is why NC is so importatnt from the beginning.

"I know that he still doesn't intend to get married." Of course, the problem still persists, and the sex is what he was after.

berta146 · Feb 4, 2012, 01:47 PM

Well if you feel the relationship is going know where and you want to be married one day I would end it now less heart ache but if you feel that you can be happy just being with him without being maried then go for it but as for you don't know where you stand ask him you deserve to know good luck