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mommyof2jj · Dec 29, 2011, 05:23 PM

Hey, I've been with this guy for 9 months now. When we met I found out that his ex girlfriend was 7 months pregnant in Dallas. Well, every since she found out about me which is when she had the baby she has been finding ways to control our relationship. The only way she will let him see his son is if she around which is stupid. I have two son's of my own who have grown on him and call him there father. Her issue is that he spends more time with my two and not there son who is 9 hours away... When he gets a chance he always goes to visit his son so he's not ignoring him at all. Well she's down here for a week and is staying at his mother's house who is not a fan of her. Anyway, me & my boys went to the house last night to see the baby and she starts crying saying he's disrespectful for having me there... But when he visits in Dallas she always have her boyfriend around. My issue with this is that she's concerned about our relationship and she feels like when she's around I need to disappear. As a babymama she needs to stay in her place and understand that they only reason she's here is so he can spend time with his son. I really wish she was mature and didn't get in our business. What do you think I should do about this?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 29, 2011, 05:40 PM

He needs to go to court and establish legal paternity, if it is already not done. He needs to get court ordered visits, he then can visits according to court rules, which will mean taking the child away from the mothers home.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2011, 06:06 PM

I think you should stay out of their business. Instead of putting her in her place, stay in yours. May seem harsh, but you should let him, and his family handle their own business, which they have because of the child they share.

You are a girlfriend of 9 months, who got with a guy who left a pregnant female? Come on, the only reason you did what you did was to show her up, for her "messing" with YOUR relationship, and telling you to stay away while she was visiting.

Not saying you shouldn't be mad, or have resentments to this chick, but its his place to deal with her, NOT yours. If he can't, then you ignore her, and leave her alone, since you probably will never get along. Its not her fault if he can't handle his own business right.

mommyof2jj · Dec 29, 2011, 06:38 PM

Well she need to grow up and understand that there no longer together. Actually it was his idea for us to come over I was against the whole arrangement but I do stay in my place as his girlfriend and she should stay in hers.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2011, 07:19 PM

That's sort of what I mean by him not handling his business correctly. Do you think he was trying to play the I have somebody too game because she did?

That's why you stay out of there game because they seem to use other people to hurt each other. Unresolved issues between them, be careful.

mommyof2jj · Dec 29, 2011, 09:19 PM

Honestly I don't know but I go over there everyday and my kids love him and its hard trying to explain to them that they can't go over there and be with him and his family[his mom, sister, nieces and nephews]. My kids have a strong bond with him and his family. So what do I do about that? The only way we can see him is when he's at work but when I was taking them to see him she was there so I went home.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2011, 11:29 AM

From what you have written her visit is a temporary situation, so give it space to keep your kids from adult business.

To be honest, not even sure if you should be counting so heavily on this relationship, seeing as how he handles things. Because you know and get along with his family after just 9 months is no guarantee of his being with you forever. I can see enjoying each other as you learn about each other, but protecting yourself and your kids from his shortcoming is the biggest priority for you the way I see it.

vanheart · Dec 30, 2011, 09:14 PM

You got with him knowing everything. Right? This is all no surprise.

Now reality has sunk in.

What? You want to fight for a guy that hasn't or wants to deal with his past responsibilities?

Let him do that.

You get with your own agenda. One that doesn't involve others baggage. Being his wife, stealing him away.

There are guys out there that are free of that.
Are you?

"When we met I found out that his ex girlfriend was 7 months pregnant in Dallas"

Bad move.