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    margaret26's Avatar
    margaret26 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Aug 18, 2010, 10:34 AM
    My b/f of 4 months has said he needs space but we still speak everyday what's up?
    My boyfriend age 45yrs I'm 39yrs who have been dating 4 months never had a cross word to say very much in love has told me he needs space as he is having problems with his ex wife and the house and is struggling within our relationship because of this... he says I have smothered him and just needs his space and is dissapointed that I gave up work ( I was having hassle from my boss, my hours were long, and he was having a hard time dealing with the hours, and my working weekends... but even though he has asked for his space he contacts me through out the day, but just don't see each other... is he going to dump me, or is it a generel need for space


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    411Help's Avatar
    411Help Posts: 428, Reputation: 103
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    #2

    Aug 18, 2010, 10:44 AM

    Why is he talking to his EX wife? Are there kids involved?
    margaret26's Avatar
    margaret26 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Aug 18, 2010, 11:01 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by 411Help View Post
    Why is he talking to his EX wife? Are there kids involved?
    Yes he has two grown sons live with him plus she has the daughter with her
    411Help's Avatar
    411Help Posts: 428, Reputation: 103
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    #4

    Aug 18, 2010, 11:13 AM

    Seeing how keeping contact with an EX is usually a huge red flag, I'm sure it can't be helped due to children being involved. What exactly is his EX wife doing that's causing so much turmoil and distress?
    margaret26's Avatar
    margaret26 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Aug 18, 2010, 12:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by 411Help View Post
    Seeing how keeping contact with an EX is usually a huge red flag, I'm sure it can't be helped due to children being involved. What exactly is his EX wife doing that's causing so much turmoil and distress?
    She is trying to force him to buy her out plus she has a problem with me being there ,but I don't think that is why he wants his space from me , I have been staying there since I gave up work which is weeks ago even though I said I was going home he says I don't want you to go but now he says he doesn't know where we are at and that he is not good to be around at the moment ,but I just don't know what the point of asking for space is when we speak and text all the time but just can't meet up I'm confused
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Aug 18, 2010, 02:04 PM

    You are confused because he appears to be confused. Maybe he liked you better when you were working. He stays in touch, but doesn't meet with you to keep his distance, and check his traps, which means seeing what your doing, and if anything has changed.
    toto99ah's Avatar
    toto99ah Posts: 38, Reputation: -2
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    #7

    Aug 18, 2010, 09:42 PM

    He is using you as a back up.
    Honestly, he feels this relationship has run its course and/or he still has feelings for the ex. So he has broken up with you----while using the excuse that he "needs space."
    But what he really means is that he wants to be free to see his ex again and/or to pursue new dates and see what else is out there for him.
    The reason he still contacts you---or keeps you in his life---is that right at this very moment he hasn't found exactly what he wants, so he keeps you around for the time being, as a back-up.
    I know that feels awful, but this is the truth.
    The best you can do for yourself is to recognize his tactics and WALK----don't let him use you like that.
    margaret26's Avatar
    margaret26 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Aug 21, 2010, 01:45 PM
    Threads merged
    My boyfriend has finished with me I'm devastated I miss him so much ,we didn't row or anything he just said he is not feeling our relationship ,I can't just cut him off the way he has done me... can you really love some one and then just say you don't and forget they don't exist
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Aug 21, 2010, 02:28 PM

    Of course we cannot just deal with our feelings easily after a break up, but in time we heal if we accept that their feelings have changed, and keep our dignity, and self respect, by bowing out, and leaving them alone, so we ourselves can heal from the hurt, and move on with our own lives.

    I agree it sucks to be dumped.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
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    #10

    Aug 21, 2010, 04:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by margaret26 View Post
    My boyfriend has finished with me I'm devastated i miss him so much ,we didn't row or anything he just said he is not feeling our relationship ,i can't just cut him off the way he has done me ...................can u really love some one and then just say you don't and forget they don't exist
    You can if you didn't really love them to begin with.
    You guys were together for what 4 months? This relationship moved awfully fast.
    Walk away with your dignity. Walk away and don't look back. You will hurt for a while but you will heal.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #11

    Aug 21, 2010, 08:26 PM

    Agree. 4 months.
    He wants a break. Ahem...

    Give it to him.
    Don't prolong it.

    Like previous, your dignity & self-respect mean way more.

    Can't force someone.
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