Like everyone else, I sometimes need help when it comes to dealing with raising a family. I have been married for 27 years and have 21 year old boy/girl twins. They are polar opposites.

The problems that often arise if because my husband and I have different parenting styles. He is much more permissive and I am always the "bad guy".

I thought that by now the kids would be somewhat independent and mature, but that really hasn't happened yet.

I also have a real problem with comparing the kids. It's not right to favor, but it's hard not to when one is so agreeable and the other boils my blood every time we talk.

I go back and forth between avoidance and anger; either I avoid life so I don't have to think about it or I get angry for the way things have turned out.

I'm hoping to get some words of wisdom that will make life a little more pleasant around the house.

You need to have ground rules with the kids and come to an agreement with your husband on rules. They are grown now so they have to be realistic but not to where they are running the house doing whatever.
For example
House rule
Be home by 1 am if you are going to be later call by 11 pm.

Also try not to let your moods determine things.
When you alternate between avoidance and anger it confuses things and there is no consistency.

Can you get the one that makes your blood boil to talk things out with you some time?

Greetings and WELCOME to the site, Bewildered Mom!

I moved your question out of Introductions to this forum topic area where it will be more likely to be noticed and addressed by those who are best able to help you. We try to not ask questions or address any sort of issues in Introductions.

I do note, that you've already received an outstanding response from N0help4u while your post remained in Introductions.

Thanks!

Like nohelp4u said you need to make the ground rules , they are old enough to understand so there are no excuses. They are 21 now so they're adults , tell them to behave like it.

If they don't like it then they find somewhere else to live.

Its great to have two parenting styles as long as you agree on the main issues.
Kids need to learn from both parents and it's a good thing that you are different.
They will learn about life from more that one mind set.

Your kids are 21, you, and hubby should be enjoying a lot of free time. The kids can manage themselves, and if they can't tell them where the band aids are.

The point, more time on you, less on them. Hey, let go, and see if they can fly, as if you haven't raised them by this time, you never will.