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    wallflower20111's Avatar
    wallflower20111 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 14, 2012, 08:22 PM
    I am stuck or so I feel
    My boyfriend and I have been in a long term relationship for the most of 6and a half years.we have many differences and there are many things between us that are just not in the same wave length. I dislike him as a lover--- he doesn't help situations while I make all the efforts... and now I've given up too.
    6months ago I moved out of my countryand we have been in touch through skype. We fight nearly every day and all the past issues keep coming up.
    Also I feel he is a spineless git as he can't stand up to anyone for me. I fight my own battles and in the end he gets angry with me for having opened my mouth at all.I cannot be a submissive cow- that's not in my nature,and if a particular friend of his annoys me(he cracked a vulgar joke on me in front of a room full of his friends- on my boyfriend's birthday,on skype)and I hated it,my boyfriend did nothing about it--- told me "it was just a joke". When I confronted this friend of his,as in, I mailed him-- telling him in a very civil way what I exactly thought of his behaviour, my boyfriend got angry with me and started saying things like "this friend of his is 6 years his junior,now he'll have no respect left for him etc.what nonsense!
    I am quite sick of this man,and yet we cannot seem to break up. We've been true to each other through all these years ,I can say that from my end at least. I know he's too weak a person for my liking. I want a real man- not someone mediocre-- and that's what he is---- your everyday,mundane,no nonsense,no excitement,dull,workoholic. He doesn't make me feel special- as a result we fight over other women as well.
    I feel I'm stuck in a situation. I am fond of him as a friend,but that's it. I don't yet know if I want to marry him or not.
    I have often thought of us parting,but somehow we can never manage it. Somehow or the other,he turns my decision around.
    I need to know what I can do about this. He's become more of a habit I feel... and I am a habit for him. We get along on days---but that's too short lived.
    We fight violently and he playes these games of turning tables,or blaming me or going on defense mode. He doesn't appreciate my honesty.
    Thank you for hearing me out :)
    Please help!
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 3,999, Reputation: 468
    Education Expert

    Dec 14, 2012, 08:25 PM
    You don't live in the same country, so there is no need to drag this on. What can you do ? Break up with him and move on with your life. This relationship doesn't have much going for it at all.
    wallflower20111's Avatar
    wallflower20111 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 14, 2012, 08:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    You don't live in the same country, so there is no need to drag this on. What can you do ? Break up with him and move on with your life. This relationship doesn't have much going for it at all.
    He has switched jobs (so he says) to get an opportunity to be placed in the country that I am currently residing in. I wonder how much of it is true . Thank you for taking out your time. Appreciate it .
    ANGIE4124's Avatar
    ANGIE4124 Posts: 67, Reputation: 23
    Junior Member

    Dec 17, 2012, 06:49 PM
    From the outside looking in; I suspect there is nothing creative or exciting in your present life to distract you from this mediocrity of thought and focus on your estranged boyfriend! I believe in your letter; you have spelled out honest answers why marriage to him would be disastrous and made it clear, that insecurity is present within you; when he is capable of turning your decision around from leaving him. Keeping in touch through skype will only prolong the agony of breaking up and feed any confusion.

    Although, I think; you've had an awakening about your relationship needs… Evidently you are the stronger and more assertive type than he is with his more flexible or inexperienced nature! With that; he of course will not recognise your (valid) feelings when they are hurt by his friends' inappropriate jokes on skype etc. and go into defensive attack by – blaming you; too protect his ignorance, naivety and or ego. Hence he appears spineless, and you feel less special. That Wallflower is the destiny that awaits you! It's exhausting and a life draining existence.

    Other than that; you mention, all the past issues keep coming up… This I believe is testament that you both have great difficulty in solving problems, near or far, past or present? Consequently, your relationship is stunted back in the time when the first injury occurred, or when you started to resent his character flaws… Hence NO relationship will grow healthy, until past injuries are resolved, healed, accepted and forgiven…

    Furthermore, another country is by no means an escape from those problems, as your head travels with you… Yet now that we have skype, it makes us all the more stuck, needy, and attached when we could be moving forward, away from mediocrity!

    All the best intended

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