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    derwon25's Avatar
    derwon25 Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Apr 25, 2017, 06:58 AM
    I am physically attracted a guy, don't know what to do
    Hi I'm 28, based in India working in an IT co. I am having a huge crush as in physically attracted to this man who in my co. at a very senior leadership position (relative to mine) and based in UK and he is approx. 10-15 years elder to me and last but not the least I don't know his relationship status (and have no source to find out). I've had formal conversations with him on office skype but that's it. And the thing is that since our second skype chat (where also I only initiated to ping first) last Friday, since then I'm unable to concentrate on work. I keep thinking and dreaming about him and think if only I could get a loving kiss and hug from him-so stupid right? Huh. He checked mine LinkedIn profile after seeing that again my heart skipped a beat again. Please tell me how to handle this situation. I know it is not possible for the two of us to be engaged romantically, so probably the best will be that I should get over him. Its just physical attraction from a kiss/hug starving soul I guess LOL -just that he fits in my frame of what I want in a man. So probably that's why, but need to get over him right. Please suggest some solutions (not to mention I've not been very lucky in the matters of heart- first time the guy I proposed didn't like me and it was too silly as I think of it now. Second time, I got dumped-AH kind of guy. Just giving you a view of my experiences and heart breaks already :P)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,250, Reputation: 10853
    Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:31 AM
    Having a life that you enjoy with friends, family, hobbies, and activities outside of work, usually is the best healthiest way to get through the intense feelings of crushes and attractions and most other emotional dilemmas.

    In other words stay busy having a good time within your social life. What? Don't have one? Then get one. For sure sitting and dwelling and daydreaming is not the way to go. 8D
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #3

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:32 AM
    Hi,

    The best bet is to get over this fellow. I don't think he is going to return your feelings. He probably checked our your linked in a professional manner, he wanted to know who you were professionally and what your qualifications were. I wouldn't read ANYTHING into it.

    You have already identified all the reasons you should get over him. You just need to get your heart to listen to your mind. Cut off contact with him, except in a professional manner, and stop checking his social media. He is just another person.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:32 AM
    I find it interesting when people fall for someone they really can't have, be physically close to, or for whatever reason it's not going to work out. Is it safe for you this way? If you want to be with someone, why not pick someone in India? Logistically it would be much easier all the way around. Something about this person has peeked your interest but at some point you are going to need more than Skype right? Meaningful relationships are ones where you can physically be with someone. There's a lot to learn about a potential partner and you can't really do that via Skype.
    derwon25's Avatar
    derwon25 Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Apr 25, 2017, 07:52 AM
    Yes right, I should get myself involved in other activities. Thanks, @Talaniman

    @CravenMorhead Yes, true- he is just another person.

    @Oliver2011 Hehe yeah...logistical issues. True that-eventually I will need much more than Skype atleast :P
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #6

    Apr 25, 2017, 09:07 AM
    The time you proposed what, marriage? (In the US, where I am, that word is only used with marriage, but in other parts of the world, it can mean a relationship.)

    I say the same thing over and over: Both men and women need to get rid of the whole notion of proposing anything. Relationships develop in tiny steps, on their own, without definitions. Often they are explained as 'just dating a bit' to 'dating a lot' to 'dating with promises to not date anyone else' to talking about serious future plans, like moving in together or marriage. I don't even like the idea of asking someone on a 'date' the first time you go out with someone not in a group! There's far less burden to think of a specific activity to do together on a certain day, preferably that day. Saying 'want to date' is just loaded with too much importance. Go for a walk and buy an ice cream.

    Why say all that in regards to this guy you crave? Because you need a whole change of thinking to get over him. As for LinkedIn, heck, when I'm on Facebook, I often check the page of someone whose comment I liked. Means NOTHING. Even if that person might be attractive in like-mindedness, or I think they are good looking, or whatever.

    And lastly, there are ways to show interest that are fun and not jumping into the deep end of the ocean. A really good one is 'It's been nice talking with you - got a single younger brother just like you, here in India?' or all the many variations of that. There are many others. Make a list. You can even use them among people around you, in person.
    derwon25's Avatar
    derwon25 Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Apr 25, 2017, 09:37 AM
    @joypulv

    "The time you proposed what, marriage?"- This guy was in same study coaching classes as mine and he was super geek, and probably that attracted me towards him 'his intelligence' to be specific. And in my mind, I was like one day I'll reach him via call/msg and let him know my feelings for him ' I love you' and I did jump to in the first call post approx 2-2.5 years after coaching classes. Huh all out of the blue for him-one day he gets a call from a girl he doesn't know and she is all out there LOL I love you and all. So stupid-sh*t huh, god I was very young and didn't know how and why I did what I did. It was a no (obviously) and I could never get back the same feelings from him for me. It was a very very bad phase I got myself into. It was all in my mind, and I jumped on someone the moment I got his contact-desperate to the core.

    "Why say all that in regards to this guy you crave?" Because he is as I said fitting in the frame of an attractive men from my point of view, that's why. And I need a hug and a kiss from a guy like him, that's why.

    I agree with you when you suggest to take it easy and go for a chill-pill kind of conversation, just that with this guy my feelings all of a sudden have boiled up that i am jumping to imagining myself romantically hugging/kissing -maybe cause I have not got any (romantically I mean) since ages so the moment I found a prospect -the kind I would like- I started fantasizing and all. But yes, this is plain stupid. I know, its childish and desperate woman speaking within me. It should not be like that.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #8

    Apr 25, 2017, 10:09 AM
    Sorry I still don't know if you proposed marriage or just dating. Not that it really matters, except in the larger context of how you view relationships. As for "Why say all that," that was me asking ME, not asking you - I was trying to show that getting over someone you don't even know involves a different way of looking at life.

    I NEVER said that you are being childish or desperate. I'm 70 and still capable of having fantasies, romantic, sexual, anything. There's nothing wrong with it, it's normal, we all have them. You asked how to handle it. Several good suggestions above, so I added the part about different views of all relationships. You did say that past efforts had not succeeded.
    derwon25's Avatar
    derwon25 Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Apr 25, 2017, 10:25 AM
    @joypulv
    Yes agreed, you didn't say me childish/desperate. I said it to myself. Please excuse but I didn't mean you said.
    By proposed I mean't to say that I confessed to him that I loved him, that's it :P

    And yes I get the point you explained and agree with it as I said earlier, will keep that mindset, stay busy and involved in activities and won't expect anything. And everything will fall in place, I am starting to feel good already! Thankyou :)

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