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sara callam · Oct 14, 2009, 01:09 PM

My husband & I have been together for 23 years. We have 3 children. For about 18 of those years he has had a female friend whom we shared common interests with ( she's single with no children). After about 10 years of being an at home mum I now feel like the third wheel when ever we are out socially. Am I being jealous & needy as I almost feel invisable when we are out yet he is always sees and acknowledges & is polite to who I now see as 'his' friend. When she visits she rarely stays long or if at all if he's not home and its 'just me'. She is always offering him help which he nearly always accepts and reciprocates. I feel envious of the 'friendship' they share. There isn't anything romantic. Do I have the right to feel jealous? Am I sounding needy? Or do I just need my own friends? My husband is a very friendly guy with lots of friends but this one considers herself a good friend of his. Can you please help me nut this one out as I don't won't to let it destroy my marriage.

amicon · Oct 14, 2009, 01:15 PM

Have you discussed these feelings of yours with your husband?

sara callam · Oct 14, 2009, 01:24 PM

Yes

Cat1864 · Oct 14, 2009, 01:29 PM

How much of a life do you have outside the house and children? As a stay-at-home mom, I know that it is oh so easy to let life outside the family pass you by especially if most of your friends work or are caught up in their lives.

Are the feelings the same when it is a male friend?

I think talking to your husband about your feelings would be a good start. You might even be able to understand your feelings and concerns better by discussing them with him.

amicon · Oct 14, 2009, 01:30 PM

And what s his opinion? Is he the one who thinks you re clingy?

sara callam · Oct 14, 2009, 01:47 PM

He says the 'right things' when I touch on the subject. Its more actions that affect me than words.

talaniman · Oct 14, 2009, 08:39 PM

I think its normal for older couples to have those feelings after raising kids, and being at home for them. Since you know that your husband is faithful, it would help to know his friend, so you can put away the jealousy, and insecurities.

Usually the stay at home partner has some adjustments to make as the nest empties out, and you start having a lot of free time on your hands.

This is a wonderful time to define yourself, and set some personal goals that were sidetracked by your family before.

There is nothing wrong with you finding things to do that you enjoy, and take pleasure in now.