Hi,
I've been with this woman for about 10 years total, 7 romantically. There is a 30 year age difference between us which I have always taken in to account when there were problems between us.

We have usually been able to work out our problems but there are a few that have been a problem for quite some time.

The first is that she never, and I mean never has introduced me to any of her friends, which for the most part are male. As far as I know most of the contact happens online but I know there have been phone calls too.

Let me say now that she is not a cheater. I strongly believe she has not cheated on me. I could be wrong but I have nothing to make me think I am.

Lately however, she has been going to affairs wher she is seeing these people in person. She still won't introduce me to them. Now and in the past when her male friends have come over (we live together) she has asked me to leave. In the past I had resisted and she didn't take it well.

So anyway, lately she had some friends come over and asked me to leave while they were there. I had to work anyway so...

I told her I though I might be holding her back, citing the age difference and told her that she might be better off looking for someone her age. She had an overnight date within days but afterwards she told me when all was said and done she would choose me.

She now wants me to continue this but also wants me to convert to a different religion if I want to be with her down the road.

I've been having sexual problems that I assumed were due to health issues but I am coming to believe that the issue is that I feel like a stupid fool that she thinks isn't good enough for her, her friends and her co-workers, whom I've also never met.

Am I crazy to feel like I should end this because it will probably never change? I have seen her live a completely separate and secret life apart form me and if I marry her I don't believe it will be any different.

If she had a "overnight" date, it would appear there was sex, and if that is not an affair what is. Unless you have accepted a open relationship.

It would appear she is living a double life and you are not part of her life. I would say you really have no relationship, and it is not the age difference, but that she (and maybe you) are not committed fully to this relationship.

So if you are living together and been romantic for 7 years, where else does the relationship go? Only a piece of paper to say you are married, so why must there be a change of religion.

My wife and I are 15 years apart, (not 30) but she introduces me to all of her friends, and would not even consider going out, without asking me, if I wanted to go. I may often say no, but she always asks.

You both have accepted a very dysfunctional relationship that I will guess is based on sex and/or mutual companionship.

If you too can not start being a real couple and being honest and talk over issues, there is nothing to really save,

This sounds like a very troubled relationship. Her needs are being met, and yours are not. She is keeping you hidden, because she wants to remain single to the outside, but with you on the inside. Do you support her financially?

I ask about finances, because she must need you for something, and it isn't a loving, shared relationship that is on the road to marriage.

If this is your home, get her out. I think you must already know that your relationship with her is simply out of convenience for her. While she carries on even to the extent of wanting friends over- and you out of your own home! - shows that you have done, already, far too much 'compromising'.

Please don't continue to live your life under her terms. Let her find someone else that better suits her needs. I cannot think of a single reason why you would put up with this relationship, but I can think of many reasons she would.

Maybe you just need confirmation. No doubt you are beat up emotionally, at least, and you can't think straight. I'm having a hard time finding reason to even try to turn this around, mostly because she is living two lives, and is likely quite content to do so.

You may also want to enlist the help of a lawyer in giving you advice. It is important that you protect what is yours, and find out what your options are. I hope she doesn't have a credit card or access to your bank accounts; please protect yourself.

How long have you been totally ignoring all the red flags of this totally dysfunctional relationship?

My guess is the whole 10 years! How old are you again? Obviously not old enough to know better. Are you a great sugar daddy though... YES!

You have failed to set boundaries of good behavior all along, its no wonder she does her thing, and demands you go along.

I am not going to add anything new here, just term it a little differently. You're her sugar daddy. Which is the best way to put it. I am not sure there is love here from her to you, I know there is you to her. Wisdom you know: Love isn't enough. What is holding you together here is the fear of being alone on your part and the fear of having to deal with life on her part.

As to why she's unwilling to allow you to meet her friends is starting to make sense. At first I thought it was similar to the Ladies Man dating a fat chick and not wanting anyone to know they're dating a fat chick so they're never introduced to said fat chick, but the more I think about it, the more I think this isn't the case. At least completely. I don't think this needs to be classified, but it helps put things in perspective. She is your roommate, just a renter. Most renters pay in the currency of the land. Some pay through other ways. I think the romantic/sexual relationship she is letting you believe you have is just to ensure that she's got a roof over her head and food in her belly.

She could be not wanting to introduce you to her friends because she's got an entirely different life outside your home. Has another boyfriend, friends, and everything. The reason that she's not introducing you plays out like a bad sitcom plot. You introduce yourself as her boyfriend and soulmate to her friends and they'll have this awkward look of, "I thought bill over there was her boyfriend...."

I don't think this is a functional relationship. I think that she is using you. I think you should end this and maybe find someone more age-appropriate. I believe that a couple who have a huge age gap can work, but it is hard especially when people start getting into different life stages. Life gets easier when you're in the same life stages as your partner.

I believe you should take a good look at the relationship and try to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life. It might be time to let things go. Hard decision. Good luck.

Why are you staying in this relationship? Perhaps because you are afraid you won't find anyone else? I think a lot of people do that and I do understand why. One thing is for sure. You will have no control over her or how she behaves. Nor can anyone else tell you what is right for you. At some point you need to "put your oxygen mask on first" and take care of you. Good luck! If only this was easy - but it is so not!

Thanks for all the replies. I live with her and pay some of the bill but mostly cook, clean and work on her car when I'm not working. To be fair, I was out of work for some time due to health problems and she was there for me. I don't want anyone to think her a bad person. She is not. She is not the typical 26 year old. She rarely drinks, does not party and is home most of the time when she's not working. I do agree however that my role, besides being the secret boyfriend, is to help her deal with life. Sometimes I think she believes she is above the daily chores of life. She recently referred to herself as "high value". I have tried to end it several times but she always draws me back. She plays games though. She says she needs something from me and when I try to provide it she hampers my ability to deliver. I believe she wants me off balance at all times. Today, even though she was already in my friends list on Facebook (I rarely use it) I got a notification in my email that she had accepted my friend request so she could share. I resisted going to look at her page but relented and saw the pics she had posted and the comments her mostly males friends have made. I came away feeling like she was just being either cruel or oblivious considering the state of the relationship. I really need concrete advice on how to deal with this. At the moment I have no place to go. I make very little money so just leaving isn't an option just yet. Thanks.

People only treat you the way you allow them to. Plus to be honest you sound a bit whipped and easily intimidated. She runs your house obviously.

Whose house is it?