I been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and he has 3 kids with his ex, and I have one, and we have a baby together. His kids are so bad and yell at me constantly when I tell them what to do, and me and my boyfriend fight so much over it. He says I don't discipline my son like that. His kids are stressing me out so much and there's so much chaos. I'm always battling it out with his daughter and he doesn't like my son. What should I do? I have a chance to move out. Should I move out or not?

I cannot say if you should move out or not, but I can say if the adults cannot get on the same page through communication and not fighting, its time to re evaluate the whole relationship. You have to be honest with yourself and often a temporary break to regroup, and cool off is a good start when emotions run high.

You both really should start saying hello to Mr. Condom.

Lol. I actually did get pregnant on the pill with our baby . And when we got together he didn't have custody of them. But afterlife a yr he got all three and its been so chaotic since.

Four kids in one house will be hectic even if they are from the same parents.

It wasn't that bad until he got custody of his three. Its been so chaotic since! His kids aren't very respectful and ourr fights are all over that. And I don't want to raise my kids in such a chaotic stressful environment .

You and him need to come to some agreement on behaviour and discipline that's equal between all kids involved... and lay down the law to everyone.

They will only get away with what you both allow them to get away with.

If you two can't come to an agreement you both can live with... then you need to entertain moving out...

Yes your right but it's a different kind of chaotic , if that makes sense.. its easier for me to handle where its mine at times . I can't even tell his daughter to stop doing something or don't be mean to your brothers . She absolutely flips out on me screaming and yelling 'i hate you!'.. my boyfriend does discipline her but she just does not listen . We have a baby that I don't want him raised around all this fighting . You know .

How old are all the kids?

So he is not backing you and actually condoning their bad behavior in front of his kids.
Therefore
They see it as approval that they are allowed to treat you that way
They know daddy will back them up, therefore his disrespecting you is giving them the right to disrespect you. So you have 4 against you and your son.
If he can't get some backbone structure of 2 adults teaching kids how to be a respectful family I'd say it's a losing battle and you should pack it up and move.

And why you have to come to an agreement on acceptable behaviour and discipline that applies to all four kids equally... and you both make it clear they are to obey both of you... or suffer the consequences.

In effect you can't let the inmates run the prison.

I, too, cannot tell you to stay or go, but there are some things for you to consider:

For the baby's sake, you both need to agree on parenting choices. If you do move out, you will still have to co-parent the youngest with him.

Did he have the same issues with your son before his three moved in or the baby came? Is he trying to be more friend than Father to his children because of their history? If he was like this before the added children, I would consider walking. If he wasn't, I would look how things have changed and if his behavior is more defensive than offensive. Is he getting upset because he feels like he is in over his head?

You might also look at how you interact with his children. Are you taking a more disciplinarian role because he isn't or doesn't seem to be? You should be obeyed, but he needs to take the lead where his children are concerned just like you should take the lead with your son.

Are the children the only issue or are they the main manifestation of other problems such as communication breakdowns? If you could agree on a compromise about the children would you still want to leave?

Are you willing to put more energy into this relationship or have you had enough? If you stay, is there someone who could take the children for several hours/a day so that you can sit down and discuss the issues without little ears and interruptions? Would you be willing to try couple's counseling? If that isn't an option, what would you think about attending a parenting class with him?

If you move out, are you prepared to go through the proper channels to set up child visitation, support, etc.

Does his daughter have issues that maybe go deeper than wanting to get her way? Is she acting out because of something bothering her?

He don't always back them up. A few times though when we argued he said I was probably mean to his kids so his daughter remembers that and now when I just tell her, not yell, just tell her to stop whining or to do something , she flips out yelling she's telling her dad. But he does back me up always . His boys aren't thanks bad but his daughter doesn't listen at all and no matter what I say she flips out over the tiniest things . I'm so tired of fighting and arguing wishes a 12yr old. Its too much chaos . And I don't want my 10yr old and 1yr old growing up listening to that . You know..

You fig she would realize by now if she tells her dad then she's just going to get yelled at twice but she's just hoping that that may be a day her dad is angry at me ir something and get angry at me for yelling at his kids. Because like I said their have been few times me and him fought and his kids heard him tell me his kids are probably right and that I'm probably mean to them. So that rite there probably messed sum things up. His kids are jealous of my 10yr old because he's a mamma's boy (their not around their mom a lot) and I'm easy and lovey dovey with him but he's my son. Me and his kids don't really bond a lot. We talk of course and get along when their being good but soon as I try and discipline one of them, especially the daughter , their disrespectful to me. And my son don't talk like that to my boyfriend... I have a chance to move out this month and I'm so stressed. I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much butwe fight constantly over these kids.

Ever since he got his kids its chaos! Me n his kiddie argue all the time! So bad where he has even kicked me out numerous times due to the fighting with them then me and him start fighting . His kids see and remember all that so now when their mad at me they scream and tell their dad they hate me and they wish ide leave again! It'd ridiculous!

Do you ever play with them? Have fun with them?

he is a very good disciplinary. My boyfriend disciplines the kids extremely well and is fair with all them. He's not more friend than father but his kids don't have their mom around a lot so their jealous at my son because my son has me. I get along with them but as I mentioned earlier their very disrespectful when I yell at them. And it wasn't that hard when it was just me him and my son. When his kids came their was so much fighting and chaos and getting used to three kids is not easy. They came down to visit and there mom pretty much said for us to Keep them because she can't handle them always fighting and arguing . So I had to adapt just like that . My boyfriend is good at grounding them and disciplining them. His daughter is main problem '! Even when their dad yells at her she's always screaming and arguing back and if I even tell her to stop doing something, she flips out like a banshee! Then theirs more yelling because she's screaming at him telling him I was mean then he yells at her for yelling at me. Its been two yrs and I'm tired of the chaos! I'm tired of listening to her run her mouth over everything!! And every time she gets yelled she screams and says my son never gets yelled at and he does this and thatt... she'll go on and on about my son. And when she thinks I'm not listening she will start with my son and be mean to him because she id jealous of him. When I tell her tp stop of course she yells and flips out. At times my boyfriend will make a comment about me saying something to her because he says I'm just sticking up for my son. Then that starts an argument . But there's times il yell at her for fighting with his other son. But he don't make a comment about that . But if its my son sometimes my boyfriend will comment that I'm just doing it because its my son. We've talked and talked numerous times about this and we just keep trying but it all stays same. I'm exhausted! I am tired of dealing with this . Its enough! His kkids are a lot to handle and he says my son is toi much for him. Mind you he has 3i have to deal with and I have 1 he has to deal with...

We have talked so much about all this. We keep saying we'll try but it comes down to the kids. I have left tons of times because all this then I miss my boyfriend and come back. His daughter says she don't like me and my son don't like my boyfriend (cuz he is very strict ) and my son don't like that. My boyfriend can treat me awesome like a queen but he can have a temper and say things he shouldn't in front of kids . Then I get mad and tell him don't talk to me like that in front of my son and that starts a fight.. I just don't think all this is going to change

The two of you need to get your cows in the same pasture -- which means be on the same page -- which means communicate much better with each other than what you are doing right now. You can't just cut and run every time things go sour (or you think they are) or every time you two have a fight.

Any chance the two of you can go to a few counseling sessions to talk with an unbiased someone about your relationship? And then move the conversation into TOGETHER parenting your blended family?

I didn't leave willingly . He actually kicks me out every time it gets real bad. Not every time but a lot. I'm tired of being told to leave and packing up a10yr old and a baby.. and his kids just don't listen . The are constantly fighting and nit picking at my son. Then it gets out of control . I can't live like this. His kids flip out so much on me. My son wld never have the guts to yell at my boyfriend like his daughter does to me. She gets yelled at but does it again the same day.. and his boy has mild autism . Always angry and makes negative digs and comments to all other kids continuously! Every day all day. Soon as he walks outside around other kids within few minutes he's saying something! So he's constantly being corrected.

Leave!!

I'm so confused ! I do love my boyfriend ssooo much but I can't take all this chaos... I have a chance to move out in 2 weeks and I swear I have ulcers in my stomach due to worrying! Its counting down and don't know what to do when 2weeks gets here! Do I go or not!?

I feel so stuck and confused...

I feel like I only have few weeks to make a huge final decision... my mind's so boggled I'm about to Have a nervous break down..

And that will be good for the kids how?