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joysjrny · May 19, 2009, 08:46 PM

I got in touch with my first true love from high school and both of us have been a bit volatile through our emotions and our hearts being on our sleeve. He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left. Now, I know what he is talking about... I really miss him, too. I found a profile of his on a site I didn't appreciate and confronted him in a negative way. I later apologized because I realized I over-reacted. Now, he doesn't take any of my calls. If and when he does he says we will talk again, but just needs a break. He has also mentioned that he is depressed due to him not able to have a viable career/job. I wonder is he avoiding me because I add to his sorrow, so to say?

tickle · May 20, 2009, 05:20 AM

I guess you put your foot in your mouth that time. Sometimes we have to catch ourselves doing that because it may cause offence. He sounds like a sensitive guy and if you knew him before that, you should have remembered.

Tick

roxypox · May 20, 2009, 06:07 AM

I'm going to be a bit blunt about this; but you might really have offended him. First of all... isn't he an old boyfriend? When you confronted him in a negative matter, and seeing as he is sensitive that might be why he is avoiding you. As for you adding to his sorrows, well you didn't necasseraly add to it over all... but he might have felt a need to protect himself.

Hope this was of some help.

Roxy

talaniman · May 20, 2009, 06:16 AM

is he avoiding me because I add to his sorrow, so to say?

That's a reasonable assumption, so leave him alone.

ajGambino · May 20, 2009, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by joysjrny

He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left. Now, I know what he is talking about... I really miss him, too. I found a profile of his on a site I didn't appreciate and confronted him in a negative way. I later apologized because I realized I over-reacted. Now, he doesn't take any of my calls.

So I'm guessing you ended it and left HIM? For whatever reason you two are not together anymore, that's all that it's become now. You have no right to contact him and throw negative comments about it.

You left, it's none of your business anymore. Respect his wishes and leave him alone.

I wish · May 20, 2009, 05:25 PM

Sounds like you caught him at a bad moment. He's already going through some personal problems and you just added some salt to his wound. Leave him alone for a while until he sorts out his issues and feelings.

joysjrny · May 20, 2009, 11:19 PM

Threads merged and edited.

About a week ago when I asked him to send me my belongings I left there when I visited he said he would mail them. Then I said to him, "is this it? This is how we end it? We just don't talk to each other anymore? He said, no I just really need a break and we'll talk again. I try to call him here and there with no response. He told me that he loves me and that I am the only one in his heart. What do you make of this?

liz28 · May 21, 2009, 05:18 AM

I think he needs counseling for his depression. He is obivious conflicted not only with this relationship but every aspect of his life. He isn't together and do you really want someone in your life that isn't.

Do you ever get your things or did you just call him and told him this in hopes of him wanting you back? I think you expected a different outcome from that call.

The only thing you can do is respect his decision, I know it is easier said then done, and know most breaks are permanent.

I not in his head and don't really understand his reasons behind his actions. It could be the depression, commitment phoba, he wants to be free, etc Don't dwell of it too much because you can't change it.

Sorry this happen but the only thing you can do is move forward at this point and move on.

Romefalls19 · May 21, 2009, 05:22 AM

He's battling depression and trying to get his life organized, without an outside influence. Give him the space he requested as he is going through a lot right now

kctiger · May 21, 2009, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by joysjrny

What do you make of this?

Well, depression is an extremely strong disease that takes time and effort to work on. The strains of finding a career and having a long distance relationship to maintain are only going to put more pressure on him. The guy needs time to get things together, and some guys (like me) feel more capable of doing things when they only have to rely on themselves. Until he gets his things in order and his life on the track he feels comfortable with, everything else is second fiddle. I know it is hard, but he must do this for himself, so be strong for him and give him what he asked for. Good luck!

I wish · May 21, 2009, 06:30 AM

He sounds really confusing about his life and his feelings. I'd say, if you want to work it out with him, then leave him alone for a while to let him figure things out.

Sounds like you're putting extra pressure on him. I know it's tough to give someone space, but that's what he needs and you need to give it to him (if you love him back).

Be patient, he already said that he loves you, he's just feeling a lot of stress and depressed.

Sometimes people need to deal with their problems on their own. Just be supportive. Let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk and that if he wants time and space you will give that to him too.

In the meantime, while giving him time and space, you should worry about your own life. Do your own thing.

Romefalls19 · May 21, 2009, 06:32 AM

Duplicate question,

Did you not like the response?

talaniman · May 21, 2009, 08:10 AM

The guy is begging for the time, and space, to get his act together. Why can't you let him?? Leave him alone, as he has asked you to.

roxypox · May 21, 2009, 08:41 AM

I agree with Tal... time to take what he says and what he is asking for seriously! He wants time and space... time and space to get his life back on track, time and space to handle the things in his life that needs handling!

Respect his wishes and leave him alone.

ajGambino · May 21, 2009, 10:17 PM

"joysjrny disagrees: When you are with a man for a year and a half and they go to a site that shows they are looking for someone locally it is okay to ask. I did not throw negative comments his way, but just confronted him about it. We talked about marriage."

You know, you would be right in this case, but there's just one little detail that you're missing.

YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM.

I don't care how long you're together with someone. It is not OK to ask your ex about his own life. You left, that means you cut all ties with this guy. This is none of your business anymore.
You talked about marriage? I'm sorry, I believe you threw that right out the window when you dumped him.
He does not owe you anything, no explination to ANYTHING he's doing with his life.
You cannot keep tabs on this guy, you need to deal with you choice that you made and let him move on.

joysjrny · May 21, 2009, 10:40 PM

You are ASSuming I dumped him?? I never dumped him and still want to be with him. I just confronted him. I think before you answer any more questions you need to ask a person some important information before you just jump in there and be so rude to them or you are defeating the purpose of helping people. I just confronted him and he is the one that has chosen to take a break not me. If I am going to consider being with someone long term then I have the right to confront him if he wants to be with someone there locally. The same way he has the right to ask me, too. We both have invested a lot into this relationship.

Triysle · May 21, 2009, 10:59 PM

Originally Posted by joysjrny

You are ASSuming I dumped him??? I never dumped him and still want to be with him. I just confronted him. I think before you answer any more questions you need to ask a person some important information before you just jump in there and be so rude to them or you are defeating the purpose of helping people. I just confronted him and he is the one that has chosen to take a break not me. If I am going to consider being with someone long term then I have the right to confront him if he wants to be with someone there locally. The same way he has the right to ask me, too. We both have invested a lot into this relationship.

Try to remember that you came here asking for help. Everyone on this forum has a different perspective based on their own experiences. I noticed a few disagrees (we call them reddies here) within your thread, and I also noticed you seem to get defensive pretty quickly, which shows me that you probably aren't very approachable. Perhaps this is why your ex does not want to talk to you?

As far as your question, I think that you are only compounding his sorrows by contacting him. And no, you have no right to contact him, for any reason, if you are broken up. There is no difference between taking a break and broken up. You're either in a relationship, or you aren't. It's not about whether you want to get back together with him. Give him the space he asked for, and if you don't like what he may or may not be doing then move on without him. That's what you should be doing anyway - moving on.

Disagree if you want, it's just my opinion. That's all you will see here - opinions.

~ Tee

roxypox · May 22, 2009, 03:46 AM

You actually gave me a reddish... you have to remember that you did ask for our opinion, and you don\t always have to agree with the advice we give... but still a reddish?

I really do wish you the best of luck...
Roxy

talaniman · May 22, 2009, 06:17 AM

He always told me that he was worried to see me in person because he knew that he would miss me too much after I left. Now, I know what he is talking about... I really miss him, too. I found a profile of his on a site I didn't appreciate and confronted him in a negative way. I later apologized because I realized I over-reacted.

Your not the only one to have a hard time letting go. It seems he has let go though.

joysjrny · May 22, 2009, 07:12 AM

Talaniman... could you do me a huge favor and not respond to my questions because I find you overall to be on the negative side. I find it redundant for every time you respond you add your little colorful euphemisms.