A guy and I dated only 2 months (if that) but I'm pretty sure we were meant for each other. I was in a really bad car accident and he would come sit by my side every day for 2 weeks while I was in a coma. That was before we were even dating. Its almost been 3 years and he has a new girlfriend (they been together for almost 3 years). Every time I get a boyfriend I compare the two and just stop liking new boyfriend. I just can't get over my ex. I'm so deeply in love with him and I have no idea why. I have apologized for being a bad girlfriend to him ( which I was) but I have changed. When all of this happened I was 17 and he was 20. I have some Facebook messages from 5 months ago. I'm not sure if I should still try for him or what I should do. But we haven't spoken since these messages.

Chad: Hey so I realize that this is completely random and out of the blue. Plus, I understand if you say nothing to this and dismiss it entirely (I would not blame you), but I wanted to apologize for how I treated you before. I know that you were trying to apologize and make amends but I was still stuck in the past. I am and will still always be a little guarded and defensive in life thanks to you and anything regarding you, but there is no excuse for being an *** and treating you like that Especially when you came in to buckle (which I quit a couple weeks ago). I realize it's late and likely too late, but I thought of you the other day and have been thinking about what happened since Anyway, long story short, I hope I'm never that guy that wants to make someone else feel the way that I once felt just for a little 'revenge' if you will. So, I'd like to extend my apology. Take it or ignore it, but I needed to say something. So... I'm sorry Jes. Hope you're well

Me: You know what, I really really really really really appreciate you apologizing, but I don't understand why it has to be the way it is. You go from "leave me the hell alone" to "I'm sorry I acted that way" every couple of months. I wish you would just pick one and stick to it. I know your girlfriend has a lot of influence on who you are friends with and what not, but that shouldn't extend to me. I may not have known you before she did, but I dated you before her. When feelings are attached you shouldn't let anyone make your decisions for you ( and I mean the feelings I have, not you). And when you say you WERE stuck in the past, are you sure you have moved on from that? Because a lot of people think they have, but have not.
I also know that I hurt you.. and I see why you will always be on guard when it comes to people who enter are in your life from then on, especially me, but there's nothing I can really say other than I apologize and show you the person I am now. We both know I was really young and definitely not ready for you to be in my life at that time. It was supposed to be someone else, not you. Things could have turned out so differently if we would have just waited.. but we didn't.. you moved on, life continues. I totally get that and I'm not going to hold on to the past. Actually, I haven't since you hurt me 100x more than I you when you wouldn't take me back after I had realized what I'd done 3 years ago.
Bottom line is, if you want to be friends, lets be friends. If you want to make ammends and never speak again, lets do that. The ball has always been in your court and always will be. I will never completely cut you from my life because of the feelings I still have for you. You just need to understand that I'm not going to pretend I don't still love you. You also need to make sure you have truly moved on from the past because if you haven't then don't do this apology thing until you have.

Chad: I can't pretend like this isn't hard for me too. You will always still have a place in my heart. Up to that point, I hadn't cared for someone as strongly as you. Nobody really gets over that. Ever. No matter what they might say. And I know I still care for you and your feelings. I just tried to push that out of my mind because I didn't want to get pulled back in, and I do believe I have something really great with Kristina. I love her. So no, she doesn't influence my choices. It was all me. It always has been. I haven't even told her about anything she's not a fan of you, but only because you are an ex- girlfriend and she knows how I felt for you and how youtreated me. It's completely warranted. I feel the same for guys she dated. We just never had the timing right. Chalk it up to karma or some kind of cosmic fate. I don't know. It was always like a corny movie where nothing went right, and the actors were miscast, but there was a heart. Any other two people might have lived happily ever after with the same script. It might have worked if we had waited. But we didn't. I didn't want to. I put my heart on the line for a chance at what I thought there was, and I got rejected repeatedly. Life's about taking chances. Blind leaps. And that's what I did, and I have no regrets. I didn't want to wait. I saw something that I guess wasn't there at the time. As much as possible. I have moved on from the past as far as not living in it, but it still remains a major part of me, how I live my life today, and how I feel. Please don't mistake this for asking for you back or 'leaving the door open'. It's true, I still have something for you. Always will. I always want you to be safe and free from anything that might hurt you. I can't hide the fact that I care about you and worry about you. But that won't go away, however what I have for Kristina is stronger. And I want it to work. Trying to be friends is impossible. You have to realize that never just 'hang out' when we both understand.all this. And you're going to find a guy and he will not like me at all because of all this. I would feel the same way in his situation If you don't believe my apology sincere, that's fine. But for once I believe that I am putting my heart in it for the first time since we broke up, in a different way.

Me: Believe me when I say this whole situation has affected my everyday life in positive and negative ways, as well Positive because I am no longer afraid to express my feelings and I find it completely unacceptable to play with other's emotions. So thank you for teaching me that. As far as the negative goes, when I actually find a good guy, you always become a factor in the relationship. That's exactly what happened with my now ex boyfriend. This is going to be a challenge to get over... especially considering its already been nearly 3 years and I'm still battling the feelings and emotions. I'm not blaming you, I'm just letting you know that I HAVE learned my lesson and I'm paying for my mistakes everyday. I truly am happy for you. I hope she turns out to be everything you could ever want and more. As for me, this is absolutely one of the hardest things I'm sure I will ever have to say, but even though I am and will always be here for you please.. don't write me anymore. Even the fact that we are talking right now messes with my emotions and I can't ride this roller coaster anymore. Good luck with everything you do in life, I'm sure you will be happy with the decisions you choose.

Chad: That sounds fair, and this will be my last letter. I can't lie. I felt such a pain in my heart when I read that you don't want me to write anymore. Even though I know it's the right thing, and I've said it for a long time. It is painful to read, a reminder to the bottom of my heart, I still have such strong feelings for you. I still love you jes. Always have, and always will. We're just not meant for each other. We could never get the timing quite right. Please don't blame yourself. Don't beat yourself up about this anymore from this day on. You saw what you did wrong and learned from it. That's what makes us human and makes you a better person. I don't blame you and I think higher of you than ever before. You do always have a friend for life and more. I wish we could have had more time but life works in funny ways. You'll find someone much better for you than I could ever be. Everything from here out would never have happened had we not gone through what we did. The good and the bad. Same for me So if there is one more thing you can do for me, if you truly do still care about me, it's this: let yourself off the hook. Don't blame yourself anymore. I forgive you and hope you will do the same. You are an amazing, beautiful (very beautiful) person and I'm sure you will break many more hearts, but don't ever think twice about anything again, and stop beating yourself up. You don't deserve any more pain in your life. Stop paying for the 'mistakes' you think you made. You already have paid for them for 2 lifetimes, much less 2 years. I don't want you to hurt Jes. That's what true love means. So if we can agree that is what we will always have for each other, then I think we can live with peace now. It's amazing to know that no matter what happens in our lives from now on, there is always someone out there that still loves us unconditionally. No matter where you are and no matter what you do. It's a nice thought, and I hope it will stay as true to you as it does to me. Thank you for everything. Love, for always, Chad


(That last email from him had me in bed crying for a couple days. I also cry every time I read this whole conversation. :( )

Do you think its too late? What should I do? Any advice would be helpful.


Sorry for the length! Thank you so much in advance for your advice!

You have broken up three years ago and he is dating someone right now for almost three years. There is no question that you should move on and let go of him. Just read his 'final' message: "if there is one more thing you can do for me, if you truly do still care about me, it's this: let yourself off the hook. Don't blame yourself anymore."

At least it ended on a good note, at least you know there are no bitter feelings in him, nor are there any in you. Wishing for him to come back will keep you from getting better, this false hope has to stop. As much as how painful it feels, sadly we have to do it. I am still struggling with letting go of my ex who dumped me just recently, and I know how hard it is. There's no other way for us but up, I hope I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I can't yet. I can only just wait for time to slowly heal me.

I don't think I can stop caring for my ex either, she will always have a special place in my heart. We had such a great time together, I was in love with her, and she was in love with me. It felt peaceful.

But alas, life works in mysterious ways and in ANYTIME the rug can be pulled under you and you are left lying on the ground, stunned and shocked for a moment. Then you have to slowly try and get up again, as much as how painful it is, we still have to get up. One of my favorite quotes is this:
"Those who have never fallen, have never stood up."

This heartbreak is valuable experience for us, I know we don't feel it now. But I have a feeling I can look back at this in the future and feel good that I went through it. It made me stronger.

In my opinion, you need to shift your life somewhere else, not on this man you still love, but YOU. He will not go back into your arms, as he has already explained clearly in his messages. It's the painful truth, we need to let go.